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Average Rating:     [9.00/10]   3 votes

SMOKED HAMS

Shemp and Daphne Pollard are a struggling husband and wife vaudeville team who are trying to sell their tired Civil-War Era skit to a Broadway producer. A lot of funny bits starting right off at the beginning with Shemp "shaving" himself in a scene repeated later in the Stooges short BRIDELESS GROOM -- only here it is much longer and more painful to watch, though still funny. Shemp and Daphne try to hide their cooking from their landlord, then it's down to see the producer, where they pester him into using their act on the stage.


IMDb Rating

SMOKED HAMS on IMDb

Featuring
Shemp Howard (Solo)
Release Date
October 20, 1934
Studio
Vitaphone
Production Type
Short Subject
Duration
18.3 min.
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Production Notes   (2)
Prod. No.:   1720-1721
Shooting Days:   5 days   From: 1934-06-05   To: 1934-06-09

Stooge Mayhem   (Avg. 0.00)

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Stooge Quotes   (1)
  • "The heat in there is in tents."
    (Shemp)


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Transcript   (Y)

Transcription by Moron4392:  

CAST MEMBERS MENTIONED:

SHEMP HOWARD..............................HENRY HOWARD
DAPHNE POLLARD............................EMMA POLLARD
LIONEL STANDER.............................MR. IVANITCH
HARRY SHANNON.............................LAND LORD
DONALD MACBRIDE..........................STAGE HAND
THE MODEL BAKERS.........................THE JOLLY BAKERS
CHARLES LANE.................................MAN IN AUDIENCE (STOCK FOOTAGE)

This short starts off with a camera shot of Henry and Emma's apartment room. There is dirty, torn, and worn out wallcovering on the walls. A couple of dirty, crooked, and worn out photo shots on the walls. A dirty and worn out heating tube hanging precariously from a wall. One dirty and worn out outdoors style thermometre on the wall. A dirty and torn annual calendar hanging crooked on the wall. An open towel rack hanging from a wall, next to a beat out antique style dressing stand with their hand towels on it. Hanging on the wall next to the towel rack is Henry's razor strap. The bathing room has one beat out sink that is hanging crooked and loose on the wall. The bathing tub is a 1900's footed style that is chipped, cracked, and dirty. There are two little worn out, dingy, chipped, and dirty windows. One window is located in the living quarters while the other window is located in the bathing quarters. There is absolutely no paint on any of the windows, doors, or walls. One older style chipped brass-iron style bed is sitting in the middle of the living quarters. There is not one single chair or davenport. One little worn out, chipped, wooden coffee style table with a torn white table covering on it for their dining table. One dirty, little, unpainted closet with a few changes of clothing hanging on it. Dirty, torn, and worn out Oriental style carpeting on the floors. The apartment looks cold, dark, dank, and dingy. Plus we see their canon that is being used in ther act. Then we see their costume luggage that reads: "HOWARD AND POLLARD THEATRE:"

Henry is now standing in front of the dilapidated, beat out, chipped wooden antique dressing stand with a doily on it. Sitting on the doily is an 1800's style washing dish with a pitcher in it. Henry is now looking into a mirror that is cracked into five pieces and he is liberally applying shaving lather to his face. He is now frantically looking around the dressing stand for his razor.

HENRY to EMMA: (In a questionable voice): "Where's that razor?"

Emma is now giving Henry a look of worry as we are seeing her using Henry's razor as a can opener to open a can of green peas.

Emma is now trying to hide from Henry the fact that she was using his razor as a can opener as she turns her back and wipes the razor first on her house coat and then on the table covering. She now closes the razor and skips over to Henry happily with a big smile on her face.

EMMA to HENRY: (As she hands him the razor and has a worried look on her face says): "Here it is Henry!"

Henry has now opened his razor and has plucked it to see if it was sharp, (it was dull as he plucked it, it sounded like some plucking the strings on an out of tune fiddle). Emma is standing by Henry's side with a scared and worried look on her face to see if Henry is mad at her.

Emma has given Henry a mischievous smile as Henry is now approaching his razor strap to sharpen his razor. Henry is now giving his razor a few good and swift whacks on the razor strap to sharpen it. Henry now goes to test his razor to see if it is sharp enougn, (he has once again plucked it and it si sharp enough and sounds like someone plucking the strings on an in tune fiddle).

We now see Henry shaving his face in a fast and furious state as he quickly pulls the razor fastly across his face in all directions. He has now shaved his throat and neck and the razor got stuck and he pulled it off and said, 'hah-hah,' in pain. He has now gone back to frantically and furiously shaving his face. He is now wiping off his face, first with his hand and then with his hand towel. He is looking back into the cracked mirror to see if he has missed any locations.

All the while that Henry was frantically and furiously shaving his face, Emma was watching him with a worried and perplexed look on her face wondering if Henry was all right.

Henry is now looking back into the cracked mirror, cocking his head from side to side with a mischievous smile on his face as he is opening and closing his eyes. He is now taking his finger and poking it at his face, but ends up poking himself in the lips and then in the eyes as he is deciding if he has shaven good enough.

Henry is now taking a set of tweezers and is plucking a few individualy hairs that he has missed on his chin. (As he is plucking his chin it sounds like someone is plucking the strings on an in tund fiddle). Henry is now yelping out, 'ooh-ooh-ooh, aah-aah-aah,' in pain and Emma has a really hurt and painful look on her face as she is watching him.

HENRY to EMMA: (As she is approaching him in a happy state and is smiling): "Emma, come her and shabe the back of my neck will ya? We gotta look nice today when we go down and show the agent our new act!"

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is getting a wooden block to stand on to shave Henry's neck): "All right!"

HENRY to EMMA: (In reference to how he wants her to shave his neck): "Jus give me an up and down and once the grain, that's all!"

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is now on her wooden block says): "All right, give me the razor!"

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is handing her the razor says): "Here!"

Emma has now opened the razor with a look of pain on her face as she is giving the back of Henry's neck two quick shaves as the two of the are saying, 'ooh-ooh-ooh,' in pain.

Emma has now lost her balance and has dropped the razor down Henry's shirt. She is now falling back saying, 'eeh-eeh-eeh, ooh-ooh-ooh,' as she is falling off of the wooden block. Hnery is now turning around and looks at her.

HENRY to EMMA: (With a look of worry on his face and worry in his voice states): "What's the matter, what's the matter kid, what happened?"

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is waving her hands in panic and has a worried look on her face and panic in her voice says): "It's all right, don't get excited, don't get excited. I just dropped the razor down your back!"

HENRY to EMMA: (As he has his arms spread and a worried look on his facs says): "Get it out!"

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is climbing back up on her wooden block is reaching down his shirt says): "I'll get it out!"

HENRY to EMMA: (In a worried state says): "Get it out, get it out, will ya?"

EMMA to HENRY: (She is now back standing on her wooden block as she is reaching down the back of Henry's shirt and is fetching the razor says): "Hold still now, hold still, I got it, I got it!"

All the while that Emma was getting the razor from his shirt back, Henry was yelling in pain, 'aah-aah-aah-aah-aah, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.'

As Emma was getting the razor out of Henry's shirt and is now presenting it to Henry, she has now torn Henry's shirt in the process.

HENRY to EMMA: (With madness in his voice and a mad look on his face says to her as he has now noticed in the cracked mirror that she has ripped his shirt says): "Give me that razor!"

As Henry is looking at his torn shirt in the cracked mirror, Emma is standing there with a look on her face like a 'Whipped Puppy.'

HENRY to EMMA: (In a total state of madness as he is yelling at her): "And, that's the only shirt I got."

EMMA to HENRY: (In her defense and has a mischief look on her face says): "Well, at least Henry, you can put up a good front!"

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is now in a happy and excited mood and is pointing his finger in excitement says): "And that ain't all baby, with our new 'Canon Finish,' our act will go over with a bang!"

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is looking at him in a mad state says): "Canon Finish, what do you mean 'Canon Finish,' what about my 'Double Nip-Up Finish?"

HENRY to EMMA: (With a look of question on his face and in his voice as he is shouting at her): "What, 'Double Nip-Up Finish'?"

Emma is now supporting a very serious look on her face as she is now demonstrating to Henry her 'Double Nip-Up Finish.' Where she has her arms extended out straight, she jumps up and clicks her heels twice, then she twirls around once, and then she does a bent legged cartwheel, then she puts one foot behing the other and takes a small bow with her hands extended up in the air.

HENRY to EMMA: (Shaking his head in disagreement as she has a hurt look on her face says): "No, Emmie, we'll use the 'Canon Finish,' and with my new gags we'll have them rolling right out in the aisles."

EMMA to HENRY: (As she has her hands on her waist and is giving Henry a mad look says): "What do you mean, new gags?"

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is waving his hands at her in explanation as he is saying in a state of mischief): "Let's get something to eat, and we gotta get down to the agents office!"

EMMA to HENRY: (With her hands on her waist and madness in her voice says): "But, first tell me about the new gags!"

HENRY to EMMA: (In a happy state says): "Okay, you set up the stove!"

Henry and Emma both are now opening the door of their costume luggage and are taking out "THE STOVE," which happens to be an "OLD IRON STEPPON."

HENRY to EMMA: (As they are bringing out "THE STEPPON STOVE"): "Have you got everything?"

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is leaning on "THE STOVE," and has a look of sadness on her face says): "Gee, I wish we had some butter, I'm tired of eating eggs fried in cold crème!"

HENRY to EMMA: (With a look of dismay on his face and concern in his voice sasy to her): "Butter, I'll dig you up some butter, but get that STOVE set up will ya?"

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is removing "THE HEAD" off of "THE STOVE" and is removing the shoulder pads also says): "Don't worry, I'll have it lit by the time you get back."

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is happily leaving their apartment to get some butter says): "Okay!"

Henry is now in the hallway of their apartment complex and is approaching the door of another resident.

HENRY to HAMLET: (As Henry is joyfully knocking on his door asks): "Say, Hamlet, have you got any butter?"

HAMLET to HENRY: (As he is sitting in his bathing tub taking a bubble bath with a look of scaredness on his face says in a sing-song Shakespearen style of voice as he is now putting one hand to his chest says): "Verily, I have, ask of?"

HENRY to HAMLET: (With a look of mischief on his face says): "I asked?"

HAMLET to HENRY: (As he is still sitting in his bubble bathing tub and using his sing-song Shakespearen voice tone and a look of wonderment on his face says): "Imagine me, in the bath, this fool, I shall be over in a jiffy!"

HENRY to HAMLET: (In a state of mischief says): "Don't bother about any jiffies, just put on an old bathrobe, and bring over the butter!, Hustle it, will ya?"

We are now back inide of Henry and Emma's apartment room. Emma now has fire lit in the "CHEST OF THE STEPPON STOVE," while she is brewing coffee in the "HELMET." One of "THE LEGS" of the "STEPPON STOVE" is bent backwards and the "FOOT" is pointing out of the window like an exhaust fan.

Emma is now pouring the coffee from the "HELMET COFFEE POT."

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is happily entering their apartment room after going for the butter says): "Boy, that smells good, the butter will be over in a minute!"

We are now again in the hallway of their apartment complex, where the land lord is checking the different apartmet rooms to see if anyone is cooking in them, (which was forbidden).

He is now at Henry's door and is bent over sniffing at the door knob and is now knocking madly on their door.

EMMA: (As she has a look of worry on her face and is holding the 'COFFEE POT HEAD' in her hands and a mischievous smile says): "Who is it?"

LAND LORD to HENRY and EMMA: (The land lord replies): "It's the land lord, I want to talk to you!"

HENRY to EMMA: (As Emma and Henry are now running around their apartment room in a frantic state. She is wrapping up the dishes quickly inside the table covering, along with the 'COFFEE POT HEAD,' and is quickly hiding them under the bed while Henry is grabbing hold of the 'STEPPON STOVE' and is also shoving it quickly under the bed as he is shouting to Emma): "Get out of the way!"

The land lord is now again knocking at the door in a mad state.

EMMA to the LAND LORD: (In a state of worry says): "I'll just slip on something!"

Henry is now lifting Emma up onto the 'HOT BODY PORTION' of the 'STEPPON STOVE,' and she is sitting there twitching to and fro from the hotness of it.

EMMA to HENRY: (In a horrified state as she is sitting on the 'HOT BODY', rocking to and from and is shouting in pain): "Ah, uh, ooh, ooh, unh, unh, ooh, ooh!"

The land lord is now entering their apartment room in a mad state.

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is pointing a finger at her and is covering up their cooking): "You may hollar, and you may yell, but you sit there and keep cool!"

Emma is now laughing in a state of worry and the land lord is giving them looks of madness.

HENRY to the LAND LORD: (As he has his arms crossed and Emma is sitting on the 'HOT BODY' in pain but is acting like it isn't): "Just rehearsin' the act, that's all."

LAND LORD to HENRY: (As the land lord has his hands on his waist and is giving Henry a mad look says): "Say, are you cookin' in here?"

HENRY to the LAND LORD: (With a mad look on his face and madness in his voice says): "Cookin', I should say not!"

EMMA to the LAND LORD: (As she has her hand on her chest and says in a state of mischief and is still twitching to and from from the 'HOT STEPPON PIECE' says): "Who would cook in such a beautiful room as this?"

LAND LORD to HENRY and EMMA: (As he is looking at Emma with a slight smile on his face says): "Well, it's bad enough, when people won't pay the rent, (the land lord is now looking at Henry), the they want to cook in their rooms. But if I catch the guy that's doing it, he's going out!"

The land lord has now left. Emma has now quickly jumped off the 'HOT STEPPON BODY' and is running and marching around rubbing her hips in pain and is yelling frantically, 'oooh-oooh-oooh-oooh, owh-owh-owh-owh,' from the heat as Henry is putting his hands up in a caring state.

HENRY to EMMA: (As Emma is still marching around i pain. Henry is staring at the wall with a blank look on his face says): "You know, I think he is right, I smell something burning too!"

EMMA to HENRY: (In a total state of mischief as she is waving a finger calling him says): "Come here, ssh." (Emma then looks at the door in mischief and then hits Henry on his forehead with both hands and shouts to him); "It's me!"

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is straightening his hair and she is walking away in a state of madness says): "Wait a minute now, you know what the doctor said, you're not to hit me on the head."

EMMA to HENRY: (As they are frantically getting the 'STOVE PIECES' from under the bed and are quickly setting up the 'STEPPON STOVE'): "Let's get the things, here help me again, let's get them out again!"

HENRY to EMMA: (As they both are frantically running around setting up the 'STOVE' and both have worried sounding voices says): "I'll get that set, you take care of yours, you got too!"

We are now back in the hallway where Hamlet is now marching in pace of triumph to the song 'THE FUNERAL MARCH OF THE TOY MARIONETTE.' He is dressed in knickers, high white stockings, tuxedo styled jacket, top hat and black and white spat shoes. He is now proudly approaching Henry and Emma's apartment room carrying a cake of butter and is knocking on their door.

Henry is hearing the knocking on the door just after the have the 'STOVE' set-up and the table completely set. Henry is thinking it is the land lord once again and has totally forgotten about Hamlet.

HENRY to EMMA: (In a state of panic thinking it is the land lord): "Gee, the land lord!"

EMMA to HENRY: (With a panic look on her face and panic in her voice says): "What'll we do?"

HENRY to EMMA: (In a worried state as he i pointing a finger at the 'STOVE' and the window): "Get rid of the 'STOVE'!"

EMMA to HENRY: (In a mad state): "Oh, but I'm hungry!"

HENRY to EMMA: (In a total state of madness as he is madly pointing his fingers a the 'STOVE' and the window says): "Get rid of the stove, go on, what are you standing there for?"

Emma is now frantically throwing the 'STOVE PIECES' out of the window while Henry is throwing out the dishes and the table covering. All the while thinking that it is the land lord at the door.

HENRY: (After they have successfully thrown everything out of the window says): "Come in!"

Hamlet is now marching gallantly into their apartment room holding in pride the cake of butter.

HAMLET to HENRY and EMMA: (As he proudly has entered their apartment room and presenting them with their cake of butter happily says): "Tis I, bringing thee fresh butter!"

Emma and Henry have given each other looks of panic as they are running over to the window and are looking out of it surveying the damages that they did with the 'STOVE' and 'TABLE WARE'.

There is a gentleman laying on the sidewalk covered with their debris and he is now sitting up and is removing the 'STEPPON HEAD', from his face as Emma and Henry are looking at him frantically.

HENRY to EMMA: (As they both have looks of panic on their faces says): "It's the land lord, come on get out of here!"

HAMLET to HENRY and EMMA: (As he is still standing proudly in their door way and says once again): "I bring this with glad heart!"

HENRY to EMMA: (In a state of panic): "Get the canon, ready, let's go!"

We are now back on Hamlet.

HAMLET to HENRY and EMMA: (In his proud state says): "He who giveth, shall receiveth!"

Henry and Emma have now frantically got themselves put together and are heading down to the talent agents office and as they are leaving, she is pushing the butter cake into Hamlet's face.

HENRY to EMMA: (As they both are frantically putting themselves together says); "Remember, get the canon, don't forget the canon!"

EMMA to HAMLET: (As she is frantically leaving and shoving the butter cake in his face says): "Ah, forget it!"

As Hamlet is wiping the butter cake off of his face and shaking his head and bells are sounding, Emma and Henry are now dragging the canon out of their apartment room in a state of furry.

HENRY to EMMA: (In full blown panic state): "Hurry up now, get the canon, now round one."

Emma and Henry are now walking in to the reception area of the talen agent in a very proud state.

EMMA to the RECEPTIONIST: (As Emma is leaning over the desk of the receptionist and asks her in a happy mood): "Is Mr. Ivanitch in?"

RECEPTIONIST to EMMA: (In a professional manner says): "Yes, but he's very busy!"

HENRY to the RECEPTIONIST: (As Emma is proudly fixing her hat and Henry is dusting off his hat says in a happy and proud mood): "just tell him that 'HOWARD and POLLARD' are out here, he'll see us!"

RECEPTIONIST: (As she is picking up the receiver to her message box is saying to Mr. Ivanitch): "HOWARD and POLLARD to see you, Mr. Ivanitch."

We are now in the office of Mr. Ivanitch where he is sitting at his desk with a mad look on his face and madness in his voice as he is returning the page that was given to him by the receptionist.

MR. IVANITCH to the RECEPTIONIST: (As he is gesturing with his hands in madness and says to the receptionist through the message box): "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to see any of those ham actors? Tell 'em I busy, tell 'em I'm sick, tell 'em anything!"

RECEPTIONIST to MR. IVANITCH: (She is speaking to him in a very professional manner through the message box in reply): "I told them you wer busy!"

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is not taking the 'Brush Off' from Mr. Ivanitch as Emma is happily straightening her hat and Henry is smiling and putting on his hat): "See, what they think of the act, he's busy and he still wants to see us, come on!"

Henry and Emma are now proudly walking into Mr. Ivanitch's office.

We are now once again in Mr. Ivanitch's office and he is still in a mad mood and is gritting his teel and he is saying to the receptionist through the message box as Henry and Emma are proudly walking into his office.

MR. IVANITCH to the RECEPTIONIST: (In a state of madness): "But, the actors are putrid, and their materials obsolete, why those actors are so inferior they're in a class by themselves!"

Emma and Henry were standing in front of Mr. Ivanitch's desk proudly as Mr. Ivanitch was telling them off to the receptionist not knowing that Emma and Henry were standing in front of his desk.

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (As he and Emma are standing in front of the desk proudly): "Gee, Mr. Ivanitch, when a big producer like you says that it gives us artists courage to go out and do bigger and better things!"

Emma and Henry are now standing in front of Mr. Ivanitch's desk in a state of pride.

MR. IVANITCH to HENRY and EMMA: (Gesturing with his hands and pointing a finger at them in a state of dismay says to them slightly laughing): "You are artists?, ho-ho-ho, good joke, why I've seen your old act for twenty years, and it means notink!"

EMMA to MR. IVANITCH: (As she waves her hand at him in a state of forget it and she is using a low, monotone voice says to him): "Ah, but we ain't doing the old act, we're doing a brand new act!"

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (As he puts his hat on Mr. Ivanitch's desk, and gets in a state of pride sasy): "Yeah, it's called 'JUSTICE TRIUMPHS', well, or 'THE DRUMMER BOYS REVENGE!"

Emma and Henry are now doing a demonstration of their act. Henry says, 'Will ya,' then he and Emma are now putting their hands to their foreheads like they are saluting a fellow soldier.

Henry is now making hand motions like pounding on a drum and is saying, 'B-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R, Zing,' then he takes a leap to his left. Then he again says, 'B-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-, Zing, as he is once again making hand motions like he is pounding on a drum and then he once again takes another leap to his left. While Henry is doing that, Emma is standing with her right leg slightly bent and has her arms and hands positioned like she is getting ready to fire a 'long gun rifle.'

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (In a proud state as he is fixing his hair says): "Ah, when you hear the roll of the drum, there's a certain something that grabs you right here!" (Henry then points to his heart, as they are playing the 'Battle Hymn Of The Republic' ").

MR. IVANITCH to HENRY: (In a state of madness says): It couldn't grab you right here could it?" (Mr. Ivanitch just now put his hand up to his throat and then turns back to complete some paper work).

EMMA to MR. IVANITCH: (As she is using hand gestures and is saying in a positive tone of voice): It's a sensation, a knock out!"

MR. IVANITCH to EMMA: (In a disagreeable tone of voice and an ugly look on his face states): "A knock out,? vay-vay!"

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (in a positive manner and a smile on his face says): "Well, the story opens up at the time of The Civil War, she is the owner of a Confederate Soldier, while I, I am wearing the Union Suit. (Right here Emma is standing proudly in front of Henry with a look of pride on her face and her hand on her heart and Henry has his hands on her shoulders and a proud look on his face).

EMMA to MR. IVANITCH: (Says to him in a proud state and a low monotone voice and is using hand gestures): "Yes, we're both being held captive in a little farm house guarded by a tough Confederate Soldier."

Emma is now bent over with hier hands on her thighs and has a worried look on her face. Henry is now making hand gestures to help his lines and a mad look on his face. In a very forceful voice tone.

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (Says proudly): "Through a series of very cleaver circumstances, this dumb dame finds out there's a trap door on the floor, so what do we do? I repat......"

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is pushing and getting her in position says): "Back up, back up, get in line, get in line!"

HERNY to MR. IVANITCH: (As Henry is pointing a finger at him and is speaking in a loud and forceful voice): "We rip the floor open just as the guard wakes up and says." (Henry is now stretching like he is just waking in the morning from his restful night of slumber. Plus Henry and Emma are now pulling the carpet forward for demonstrational purposes says): 'Henry is now being cut off by Mr. Ivanitch.'

MR. IVANITCH to HENRY: (Waving his hand in madness in now standing up and shouting madly at Emma and Henry, and is saying in a mischief state to Henry about is statement): "Put that carpet back!"

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (Ignoring what Mr. Ivanitch had just said and using hand gestures): "Now, right outside the window is a beautiful pine tree."

HENRY to EMMA: (As he pushes her and says to her whispering): "Emmie, get the old pine tree!"

Emma is now running over and getting a hat rack to represent an old pine tree. Mr. Ivanitch is standing there looking at Henry and Emma with a look of bewilderment and confusion on his face.

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (Using hand gestures to help explain himself and using a professional tone of voice): "This is very important, on count of the plot."

Emma has now gotten the hat rack and has handed Henry Mr. Ivanitch's hat.

HENRY to EMMA: (In a carrying manner says): "That's it, take your time!"

HENRY to EMMA: (As Henry has now handed back to Emma Mr. Ivanitch's hat says): "Wait a minute, we'll use that for the birds nest!"

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is putting Mr. Ivanitch's hat back on the rack and is putting a hole through the top of his hat): "The birds nest, right!"

MR. IVANITCH to HENRY and EMMA: (Using hand gestures to represent his thorough state of madness and is shouting loudly to them): "But, my hat, look what you have done to my hat!"

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (With a smile on his face and happiness in his voice as he puts a hand on Mr. Ivanitch's shoulder): "You ain't seen nothing yet, wait until we come to the canon bit!"

EMMA to MR. IVANITCH: (As she is pointing a finger at him and gesturing with her arms says in a serious tone of voice): "It's a sensation, and if you don't like that I still have my 'Double, Me, Nip-Up,' Oh le!"

Emma is starting to do a double twist but is stopped abruptly by Henry.

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is grabbing her arm to stop her and has a worried look on his face and worry in his voice says): "No, no, Emmie, not yet, not yet!"

MR. IVANITCH: (In a total state od dismay and wonderment in his voice says): "All right, but for goodness sake, when do you come to the canon?"

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (Using hand gestures and a proud voice): "Later, but right now, Satchel shows the Heavy the water fall."

Henry is now pushing Emma as inconspicuously as possible to give her, her cue.

HENRY to EMMA: (Talking in a low voice out of the side of his mouth and is slightly shoving her says): "Emma, the water fall!"

EMMA to HENRY: (Answering back in a very low monotone voice says): "The water fall!"

HENRY to EMMA: (Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible as he slaps her gently on her arm for her cue): "The water fall!"

EMMA to HENRY: (In a low monotone voice says): "Oh, yes, the water fall!"

As Henry is trying to cover-up for Emma missing her cue he is straightening up his hair and is looking at Mr. Ivanitch in a professional state.

Emma has now gone over and gotten a water bottle, the kind that you use on an office style cooler and is now bringing it over and is laying it on its side on Mr. Ivanitch's desk, letting it run out on to the floor to represent a flowing water fall.

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (Still standing by Mr. Ivanitch and is still promoting his act in a very professional manner): "There's a reason for everything in this act, yes sir!"

HENRY to EMMA: (Patting her on the shoulder and says in a happy and proud voice as she has now laid the cooler water bottle on Mr. Ivanitch's desk and it is spilling on the floor): "A, great effect Emma, a great effect, yep!"

MR. IVANITCH to HENRY and EMMA: (He is now standing behind his desk and is using had gestures and is trying to use as calm of a voice as he can as he is progressively getting madder and madder at Emma and Henry about them messing up his office): "Just a moment, come here, I would like to talk to you!"

EMMA to HENRY: (In a state of dismay says about Mr. Ivanitch's command): "He wants me to do the 'Nip-Up,' I think?"

HENRY to EMMA: (As he once again grabsw Emma by the arm to stop her and says in a slightly mad voice tone): "No, not now, we're in!"

We are now on Mr. Ivanitch who is now smiling in a state of madness and is gritting his teeth in a state of madness.

MR. IVANITCH to EMMA and HENRY: (As he is gesturing with his hands madly and still has his mad look on his face says in a low mad tone of voice): "Come here, come here!"

Henry is now approaching Mr. Ivanitch in a proud manner as he marches up to Mr. Ivanitch's desk in a happy mood.

Emma is standing behind with her hands crossed behind her back also in a happy mood.

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (In a very happy mood says in a positive voice): "Something about the salary?"

Mr. Ivanitch is now furiously mad and gives Henry a good, hard hit on his face causing Henry to loose his balance and fall onto the floor, causing cookoo bird sounds to go off in his head.

Emma is now approaching Henry who is still sitting on the floor and hearing cookoo bird sounds.

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is gently putting her hand on his shoulder and is talking to him in a carrying voice says): "Are you hurt?"

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is sitting there with a look of worry on his face and worry in his voice says to her to hurry and patch things up with Mr. Ivanitch as he gives her a slight push): "We better skip everything, bring in the canon quick!"

EMMA to HENRY: (In a worried sounding voice as she is frantically running out of Mr. Ivanitch's office and into the receptionists office): "The canon!"

HENRY to EMMA: (In a hurtful and worried tone of voice): "Yes, the canon!"

Emma is now hurrying out into the receptionists office and is furiously dragging in the canon to help patch up things with Mr. Ivanitch and hopefully put him back into a better mood and land the contract with him.

Henry is now standing up and slightly staggering from being hit by Mr. Ivanitch.

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (Still in a slight dazed state as he is pointing to the running water cooler jug says): "Water fall!"

MR. IVANITCH to HENRY: (As he is picking up the dripping water cooler bottle to stop it from dripping and is pointing a finger at Henry madly and is shouting at Henry in a mad voice): "I never want to see your faces again in this office, scram!"

Just as Mr. Ivanitch is giving Henry and Emma the "Old Heave Ho," Emma is now staggering into Mr. Ivanitch's office dragging the canon behind her.

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is finishing bringing in the canon and says to Henry in a low worried voice): "Here we are, the canon, the canon!"

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is helping her bring in the canon as says to her in a low carrying voice tone): "All right!"

MR. IVANITCH to HENRY and EMMA: (As he is using hand gestures to support madness and has a mad look on his face says): "What is dis, a Revolution?"

HENRY to MR. IVANITCH: (In a happy and promotive tone of voice): "Take it easy, this is the canon finish. Title: "THE DRUMMER BOYS REVENGE, or JUSTICE TRIUMPHS!'".

Henry then leaps up into the air and clicks his heals together and then salutes. Then he once again makes drum pounding motions with his hands and he is saying 'B-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R, Zing. 'B-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R, Zing, fire!"

As Henry is doing is drum imatations, Emma is standing behind him smiling and making motions with her arms as if she is helping Henry along.

Emma is now firing off the canon as it is shooting at Mr. Ivanitch a cloud of smoke, causing Mr. Ivanitch to duck for safety under his desk.

The canon has now gone off, causing Mr. Ivanitch's hat and coat to come floating down in tiny pieces, along with some papers on Mr. Ivanitch's desk, and the water cooler jug has now fallen to the floor.

Henry is now marching and doing hand motions like he is playing the drums and is whistling 'Dixie!"

While Emma is marching behind Henry, (both are going around the canon), and singing 'la-da-dee, la-da-dee, la-la-la,' and also humming Dixie."

Mr. Ivanitch is now standing behind his desk smiling in a total state of glee at their 'Canon Finish!'

MR. IVANITCH to HENRY and EMMA: (As he is using hand gestures for happiness and is patting both of them on their shoulders and is smiling and showing glee is his voice sasy): "Stupdndous, cloassal, gigantic, I don't care what kind of an act you have, but give me that 'Canon Finish!"

Henry is now giving Emma a giant hug for the sucess that they have just now acquired. They are saying to one another, 'Ah-ah,!'

We are now at the theatre, centred on the marquee that reads:

GRAND THEATRE
IVANITCH PRESENTS
HOWARD & POLLARD
"THE YANKEE DOODLE REVUE!"

We are now inside of the theatre, where the guests are now sitting down and the conductor is directing the orchestra as it it playing"New York, New York!"

We are now at the Box Seat where Mr. Ivanitch and two guests, (critiques), are now sitting, smiling and enjoying the music and the opening acts.

We are now looking at a Billings Sign of the opening act that reads: "THE JOLLY BAKERS!"

The stage is set with a mural on the wall that looks like a kitchen setting. With a bowl of eggs, a bowl with cake batter in it, mixing spoons and whisks hanging on the wall and various bottles of different spices and flavourings, a cream pitcher.

We are now watching one of "The Jolly Bakers", who is dressed in a pair of white pants, white shirt, white shoes and a bakers hat and white apron. He is standing up at a wall sculpturing a very ugly Indian face out of a huge hunk of modeling clay.

We are now on the second "Jolly Baker", who also is dressed in a pair of white pants, white shirt, white shoes and a bakers hat and white apron. He is also sculpting a face out of a huge chunk of modeling clay on the wall. He is saying the audience after he has finished his sculpture. "QUEEN ELIZABETH." (The audience has now given him a big round of applause).

We are now back on the first sculpturing Baker who is still working on his Indian face. (He is now getting a big round of applause).

SCULPTURING BAKER ONE to the AUDIENCE: (In a state of mischief says): "I'll now change fhis face to my Mother-In-Law."

Jolly Baker One is now turning his Indian face into a haggarad looking, long, skinny faced old witch, with a crooked chin, and a crooked nose with a wart on it. Scowl on the face. (The audience is now laughing and giving him another huge round of applause).

Jolly Baker One is now back to his face where he has now taken the mouth and has made it bigger like it looks like it is hollaring at him and he is then taking the chin portion and is wiggling it to and fro while a fiddle player in the band is playing a string to make the sound "Waa-waa-waa-waa-waa-waa-waa-waa-waa-waa-waa-waa, yaw!" To have a sound like it is his Mother-In-Law yelling at him. He now finishes his Mother-In-Laws face by socking her in the nose and is bending it to the side and then he hits her in the mouth like he is telling her to shut up and he has closed up the wide opened mouth.

We are now on Emma and Henry where they are frantically getting their props set-up for their act. They are now finishing stuffing the canon shell with the fake gun powder.

HENRY to EMMA: (In a state of panic realizing that they are getting their cue to go on and are a bit behind schedule): "We're on next, now don't forget, when I go 'B-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R, Zing, you fire the canon. (Henry is doing drum roll imatations with his hands moving his hands up and down like he is pounding the drum with drum sticks and he is also dancing).

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is pointing her finger towards their dressing room and has a worried look on her face and a worried sounding voice says): "Hurry up and get dressed then!"

Henry is now on his way to get dressed in his Confederated Soldiers uniform as he is giving Emma a good-bye kiss on the top of her head.

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is proudly marching off to their dressing room says to her happily): "All right Emmie, take it easy!"

Emma has just now finished loading the canon shell into the canon and is leaving to also ger dressed in her Confederate Soldiers Unifrom.

We are now back on the audience where they are applauding loudly and have big smiles on their faces as the "JOLLY BAKERS" are now taking their final bows and are exiting off of the stage.

We are now on the Box Seat where Mr. Ivanitch and his two critiqués, (guests), are sitting.

CRITIQUÉ ONE (on the left) to MR. IVANITCH: (As he is pointing to the "Jolly Bakers" and says in a total voice of agreement): "Now, that's an act!"

MR. IVANITCH to CRITIQUÉ ONE (on left): (As he is pointing a finger at the "Jolly Bakers" and says to the critiqué in a disagreeing voice about "The Jolly Bakers" and then Mr. Ivanitch is supporting a positive sounding voice about his act): "That's an act,? that's a flat, wait until you see my "YANKEE DOODLE NOVELTY!"

We are now back stage where the "Jolly Bakers" have set-up two tables with clay dough balls on them and are now taking off their hats and are walking away.

A stage hand has now walked up to one of the tables with a claw-hammer in his hand and he quickly presses on the clay dough on one of the tables.

We are now closed in on two dancers who are dressed in scanty, short white dresses and ar approaching behind the sated in a state of mischief.

One of the girls is now hitting the poor stage hand in the head with a slug slung from a slingshot. As the poor stage hand is turning around rubbing his sore head and looking for the person who has hit him, the girls have now made their get away and are laughing hysterically.

Once again the stage hand is back playing with the clay dough and the two mischievous dancing girls are now returning back to the back of the stage and one of them is picking up a smoke bomb from a box labeled "FACTORY HAYANA DIXIE PANETELAS". She is now loading the smoke bomb into the slingshot and has now shot the poor, bent over, stage hand in his backside with it. Causing the poor stage hand to stand up quickly and grabs his backside and is rubbing his thighs in pain and is shouting loudly in pain. 'Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!

The stage hand has now turned around and has now noticed the two dancing girls who shot him with the smoke bomb and the girls are now laughing hysterically in a state of glee at the poor hurt and furiously mad stage hand.

The stage hand has now picked up a giant sized ball of clay and has thrown it intending to hit the girls with it. He misses the girls and the giant sized ball of clay lands inside the barrel of the canon instead.


SHEMP and EMMA: WE ARE NOW ON THEIR PERFORMANCE:

We are now looking at a Billings Sign that reads: "HOWARD AND POLLARD:" (Mr. Ivanitch is all excited about this performance).

The stage curtains are now opening on their set which is set-up with a stone wall, a Confederat flag, and tent, bomb plains flying in the sky, a house in the background, line-up of trees, a burning building.

Their act starts off with Henry inside of his tent and is playing "Revelry" on his bugle. He is now preparing to sing his opening song.

Henry is still inside of the tent and is singing accapello: "Tenting tonight, a tenting tonight, a tenting on the old camp ground!"

We now hear the ringing of bells.

HENRY: (Still inside of the tent and is looking to his right and cupping his hands to his mouth is now shouting): "Nine O'clock and all is well."

Then we are now hearing the song "Dixie" playing softly in the background as Henry is repeating.

HENRY: (Still inside of the tent and cupping his hand to his mouth and is now looking to his left says): "Nine O'clock in the morning and all is well."

We now hear the sounds of a cookoo bird chirping in the background while Henry is straightening up his uniform and hat and is wiping perspiration off of his brow as he is running furiously outside from his tent.

Henry is now staggering slightly out of his tent and still wiping his brow.

Henry is now outside of his tent and is centre stage and he has now wrung out his handkerchief and a huge pile of "perspiration" has now fallen onto the stage. (The audience is laughing hysterically).

HENRY to AUDIENCE: (As he has a look of dismay and slightly smiling and is pointing a finger at his tent says): "Heat in there is intense."

Henry has now shaken out his handkerchief and a sponge has fallen out of it and as Henry with a dumbfounded look on his face goes to kick it away slips on it and falls flat on his face. (Once again the audience is laughing hysterically).

Henry is now standing up staggering from the heat of the tent and from the fall and is now regaining his balance.

HENRY to AUDIENCE: (As he is still staggering a bit and is pointing a finger at his tent says): "Intense!"

Henry is still staggering a bit as he goes to sit down at a table and looses his balance once again and falls out of his chair.

We are now on the Box Seat where Mr. Ivanitch is sitting there in total glee, grining from ear to ear, while critiqué two (on Mr. Ivanitch's right), is sitting there with his head in his hand and is fast asleep. While critiqué one, (on Mr. Ivanitch's left), is pointing a finger madly.

CRITIQUÉ ONE (left side) to MR. IVANITCH: (As he is looking at Mr. Ivanitch and says in a mad voice): "So, that's the "YANKEE DOODLE NOVELTY, that you imported!""

MR. IVANITCH to CRITIQUÉ ONE (left side): (As Mr. Ivanitch is giving him a quick glance and is smiling happily says): "Sure, that's right!"

CRITIQUÉ ONE (left of Mr. Ivanitch) to MR. IVANITCH: (With a mad look on his face and madness in his voice states in disagreement about the act): "They outta be deported!"

MR. IVANITCH to CRITIQUÉ ONE: (Smiling and using hand gestures to support his promotion of the act as the first critiqué is now sitting back in his chair in a total state of madness): "Wait, dis is only the beginning," (Mr. Ivanitch has now given critiqué two a quick glance), (and says as he makes a fist with his hand and says): "Wait, for the big punch!"

We are now back stage where we see the canon and Emma where she is coating herself with talcum powder to look like she has been riding on a dusty road and she is using two wooden shells and is pounding them on a table to make them sound like the clapping of horses hooves and she is shouting at the top of her lungs, "WOO-WOO."

Henry has now frantically gotten up from his chair and is using a set of field glasses and is looking for then enemy soldier.

We are now back on Emma, where she has wadded up a piece of paper and stuck it inside of an envelope to represent a message and she is marching frantically to Henry with a look of madness on her face. She now has her head lowered and is frantically marching over to Henry that she bumps into Henry causing Henry to stagger a tad and she falls down and lands beneath the table and the chair.

HENRY to EMMA: (Henry is now dragging Emma from out beneath the table by her foot and is mumbling as she is standing up): "Easy, it's all right, take it easy."

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is standing at attention with a serious look on her face and extends a hand to Henry says): "A message from Genral Sumner!"

Henry now in a horrified state sets his field glasses down on the table and goes to take the message from Emma's hand, but has trouble taking it because Emma's hand is stuck down her uniform sleeve, (due to the fact that her uniform is a tad big).

Henry is now frantically trying to get the message from Emma's hand that is stuck down her uniform sleeve while Emma is frantically helping him to cover up the mistake.

HENRY to EMMA: (Whispering to her as they both are frantically trying to get the act back on track): "A message, ey!?"

Henry now has the message and has a look of hurt on his face while Emma is standing by his side in full "attention!"

HENRY: (As he is ripping open the envelope of the message and is now reading the message in a state of horror): "They're about to shoot both arms off General Sumner!"

EMMA to HENRY: (As she rushes up to him shouts in a voice of hurt and is gesturing with her hands says in worry): "What, shall we do!"

Henry is now frantically running over to the table and is penning off a message to the enemy soldiers while Emma is standing by his table in a horrified state waiting for the message.

Henry has now folded up the message and has given it to Emma as she gives Henry a full attention salute and starts to leave. Henry returns her salute with a double one, jumping up, clicking his heels and is slightly dancing.

Henry is now rushing over to his table while Emma is frantically marching off to deliver the return message to the enemy soldiers. Henry has now returned to his table.

We are now back on the Box Seat where Mr. Ivanitch is grinning from ear to ear in delight with their act while the two critiqués are sitting there in total states of madness and are in total disagreement thus far with the act.

CRITIQUÉ TWO (right of Mr. Ivanitch) to MR. IVANITCH: (As he is getting up to leave in total state of boredness and disagreement with the act says): "That's enough for me!"

The first critiqué (left of Mr. Ivanitch) is following suit of the second critiqué and he is also getting up to leave in a total state of boredom and disagreement with the act.

MR. IVANITCH to BOTH CRITIQUÉS: (As he is grabbing their arms and is trying to make them stay): "Don't be silly, wait, wait, for the finish, I tell you, it will kill you!"

CRITIQUÉ TWO to MR. IVANITCH: (In a total state of madness and in reference to Mr. Ivanitch's statement): "Oh, I don't have to wait, those jokes have made a pretty good job of it by themselves!"

Both of the critiqués are reluctantly staying, while critiqué two is sitting there totaly bored and critiqué one has a mad and bored look on his face as he moans, 'Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!"

We are now back on the stage with Henry as he is staggerly sitting down and has a really horrified look on his face as he is reading another message and is using a click board as a teletype machine as is doing S.O.S. coding.

HENRY: (In a state of worry and horror as he is sending the S.O.S. and is reading the message in horrified state): "I must get this message through to the General!"

As Henry is sending his S.O.S. message his teletype machine has now fallen off of the table and he is now picking it back up with a look of mischief on his face.

We are now back stage with Emma who has a frantic look on her face and is now shooting off .44 magnum gat.

Henry now gets up and is grabbing his arm in pain where he has now been shot.

HENRY: (Now staggering in a horrible state of pain): "Oh, they got me, they got me, in my good right arm, oh, oh!" (Henry now takes out a huge white handkerchief and wraps around his left hand): "But, they can't stop me, okay, I'll get the message through!" (He is now weaving in pain).

Henry is now sitting back down at his table and is frantically S.O.S.ing his message through.

HENRY: (Frantically teletyping his message): "Hello, I want to talk to the General!"

We are now back stage where Emma is now blowing on a horn set to sound like a railroad is now approaching, then she is tooting on a horn, then turning a toy noise maker, and blowing a kazoo, to have it sound like a battle is taking place and the message is unable to get through.

Henry is now getting up from his table and is weaving still from the pain of being shot. He is walking towards his tent entrance.

We are still on Henry as Emma is still off stage making her railroad whistle sounds, she then fires the .44 mag. gat, blow's several whistles to make sounds like the battle is still taking place. As Henry is now turning around and grabbing at his shot leg, (Emma throws a large metal ball to represent a canon ball). Henry, after he gets shot with the canon ball in the back of his head falls flat on his face on the stage. (The audience is now laughing hysterically).

Emma is now again covering herself with a full canister of talcum powder to represent dust and is once again banging her large shells to sound like horses are marching and then she says, 'woo-woo."

Emma once again wadding up another piece of paper to represent another message and she is now walking, and staggering like she is totaly exhausted from he long trip on horse back from the General's headquarters to bring the message to Henry.

HENRY to EMMA: (As he is helping her gain her balance from her exhausting trip from the General's headquarters): "Steady boy, steady now!"

EMMA to HENRY: (In a thoroughly exhausted state and tiredness in her voice as she exhaustingly extends the message to Henry): "A message, from General Sumner!"

HENRY: (As he is frantically opening the message and has a horrified look on his face as he is painfully reading the message): "They're about to shoot both legs off General Sumner!"

EMMA to HENRY: (With a horrified look on her face and worry in her voice says in a low, dragged out, painful voice): "What shall we do?"

Emma is standing by the table in a horrified state and panic in her eyes as Henry now runs frantically over to his table and in a total state of panic scribbles of a message for the enemy soldiers and Henry is now giving her the message and she salutes him at a full attention salute and he salutes her back once again doing his jump, heel clicking, dance salute.

Emma is now exhaustingly delivering the message to the enemy soldiers. While Henry is now doing his double heels, click dance, marching sideways towards the tent and is staggering slightly and returning to his table.

Emma is now back stage thoroughly doucing herself in talcum powder, (to represent dust), making her horse clapping sounds, and saying, 'woo-woo!"

She is now taking another piece of paper to represent another message and coveing it with catsup, (to represent blood), and is now crawling out slowly and painfully to Henry like she has been shot and is delivering this message at her dieing state.

Henry is standing there with his arms crossed, and has a smile on his face and gives Mr. Ivanitch a quick head nod in agreement.

We now see a quick glance on the Box Seat. Mr. Ivanitch is thoroughly enjoying the show while the two critiqués are bored out of their gourds and shaking their heads in a total state of madness.

HENRY: (As he take's the message, opens it and has a horrified look on his face and a really worried look on his face reads): "They're about to shoot the head off General Sumner!"

EMMA to HENRY: (As she is lookig up at him from the ground with a horrified look on her face and panic in her voice says): "What shall we do, what shall we do!"

HENRY: (Pointing a finger in the air and in a proud state): "Fight, if it takes all of "SUMNER!"

We are now back stage where two stage hands are marching in circles like soldiers and holding big boards with spikes on them.

Emma is now standing up in a state of pride.

EMMA to HENRY: (In her proud state and is pointing a hand upwards for pride says): "Look, out troupes return victorious!"

We are now on their stage drop where a bunch of stage hands are marching low behind the rock wall portion with only their spikes on their boards are pointing upwards to look like long guns with bayonets on them.

Emma and Henry are now standing there saluting in pride.

HENRY to EMMA: (As he raises his hand upwards in pride says): "Let's fire a salute to Genral Sumner!"

Emma then gives Henry a playful salute as she is leaving the stage. Henry is now giving her his jump, heel clicking, dance salute.

Henry now takes one quick march forward and then jumps up and clicks his heels three times and leaps in joy.

HENRY: (Now leaps up in joy and does a quick dance and clicks his heels as he says): "JUSTICE TRIUMPHS of THE DRUMMER BOYS REVENGE!"


END OF SHORT:

We are now back on the Box Seat where the thoroughly happy Mr. Ivanitch and his two totally bored and disgusted critiqués are sitting.

MR. IVANITCH to the TWO CRITIQUÉS: (In a total state of glee as he is gesturing with his hands and is grinning from ear to ear in delight): "Now, it's beginning, prepare yourselves for something beautiful!"

As Emma is dragging the canon out, Henry is doing a dance style march.

Emma is now getting ready t shoot the canon, (not knowing anything about the giant sized ball of clay down the barrel).

We now hear the sounds of trumpets playing happily in the background.

Henry is now doing his drum imatations moving his hands up and down like his using drum sticks and is saying as he is squatting down. 'B-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R, Zing, B-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R, Zing, Fire!"

As the canon is being shot, Mr. Ivanitch is sitting in his seat in a total state of happiness grinning from ear to ear, while the two critiqués are bored to tears.

Emaa has now shot the canon and the giant clay ball, (that she knew nothing about).

Emma has now shot the canon sending the giant clay ball flying and expoding in the faces of Mr. Ivanitch and the two critiqués, who are now in a total furious state and are madly wiping the clay off of their faces.

The song "STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER" is now playing while Emma and Henry are marching to the front of the stage thinking that they are gonna take ther acceptance bows. Now have a horrified look on their faces as they now have noticed that they shot Mr. Ivanitch and the two critiqués with the giant clay ball. They are now turning around and putting their hands on their waists as they are watching in pain and sadness as their stage setting is crumbling to the ground from the impact of the canon blast, and their show business career falling to an end.

EMMA to HENRY: (In a total state of madness as she has now noticed their stage setting in complet shambles, and Mr. Ivanitch and the two critiqués in really horrified moods): "Canon Finish, hun, and you wouldn't let me use me 'Double Nip-Up'."

Emma is now hitting Henry on the forehead and in the face rapidly and furiously saying, 'Ooh-ooh-ooh.'

HENRY to EMMA: (In a state of pain as she is rapidly hitting his face): "Cut it out, cut it out, cut it out, there!"

Emma finally gives Henry one last hard and furious hit on his forehead and knocks him to the groud.


Videography   (2)

Fan Reviews   (1)
RE: SMOKED HAMS (1934)
Posted 2003-12-15 00:30:00 by stooge_o_phile
Edited 2003-12-15 00:31:00 by stooge_o_phile
This short shows a fine rapport with Shemp and Daphne during their routines. It also proves what one Stooge fan wrote a long time ago: That Shemp was a fine, experienced comic in his own right. This is also one of those early films where us later-generation folks can get a glimpse of the lost art of vaudeville.My Rating: 4 Pokes

Reviewer's Rating: (10)

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