Lobby Cards: The Classic Comedies (The Michael Hawks Collection: Volume II)
This website is made possible, in part, by displaying a few online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker for this site.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker for this site.
Transcribed By: Stooge
Date Added: 2009-01-08
[ The short opens inside a raggedy, messy-looking apartment. A woman is sitting down while drinking liquor in a glass. She finishes the glass. ]
MA: [ satisfied ] Ahh!
[ She tries to pour more into her glass from a bottle, but the bottle is empty. She angrily throws the bottle behind her, and it lands in the chimney heart, which is filled with many other empty liquor bottles. ]
[ Moe and Larry enter the apartment ]
MOE: Boy, it’s good to be home.
MA: Oh, my darling sons! How was the track today?
LARRY: Sloppy.
MA: Sloppy?? We ain’t had rain in weeks!
LARRY: Aww… some sow slopped beer in my hat. [ shows wet hat ]
MA: Oh, I’ll get Joe to getcha a new one.
[ Ma throws the hat behind her into the chimney heart with all the empty liquor bottles ]
MOE: Me, too, Ma! [ throws hat in a corner ]
LARRY: [ walks up to table ] Hey… get this junk off this table here! Come on!
[ Larry pushes a whole bunch of dishes off the table ]
MOE: WATCH WHAT YOU’RE DOIN’!! My sandwich was in there!!
[ Larry covers his mouth in surprise ]
MA: [ to Larry ] Hey, get me a drink, son.
[ Larry mumbles to himself, then picks up a bottle and hands it to Ma ]
LARRY: Here…
[ Ma drinks from the bottle and immediately spits it back out ]
MA: Water?!? [ hands bottle back to Larry ] Don’t you never do that to me again!!
[ Joe enters the apartment, carrying a whole bunch of groceries ]
MOE: Oh, here’s Joe!
JOE: Good evening, auntie dear! Cousin Moe, Cousin Larry…
[ Joe sets the groceries down on the table and Moe and Larry help him ]
MA: Did you wipe your feet?!
JOE: Yes, auntie dear. [ to Moe and Larry ] I had a wonderful day today! I-I fixed four rear ends… two were trucks!
MOE: What’s for supper? [ looks through grocery bags ]
JOE: TV dinners.
MA: Again?? We ain’t even got a TV!
LARRY: [ pulls out coupon from bag ] But Ma… only 2,037 more TV dinner coupons, and we get a set!
MA: Darling, Larry… you’re so considerate of your mother! [ suddenly elbows Joe’s stomach ] Why didn’t you think of that?!
JOE: I did! That’s why I been buyin’ so ma--
MA: Don’t change the subject!!
JOE: Not so looooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuddddd!!! [ pinches Ma’s cheek ] You’re a doll!
MA: Go wash the dishes and then clean out the heart!
JOE: Wash the dishes and clean out the heart…
[ Joe looks at the kitchen and is surprised to see a huge pile of dirty dishes, pots, pans, etc. in the sink ]
JOE: I’ll clean the heart! [ walks over to chimney heart ] I wish my fairy godmother would come along. [ begins cleaning chimney heart ] I feel like a he-Cinderella!
MOE: All you need is a glass slipper instead of a bone head!
JOE: You’ll miss me when I’m gone.
MA: Where ya goin’, Cinderella - to the ball??
[ Ma, Moe, and Larry all laugh ]
JOE: No, I-I’m going on a camping trip… with two weeks vacation with full pay.
MA: Well, don’t forget to leave money for the house!
[ Larry picks out a big cake from a grocery box ]
LARRY: Hey, Joe! Is this cake for me??
JOE: [ runs over ] Wait a minute!! That’s miiiine! [ holds cake over to Ma ] I brought that for you, auntie dear, for a goin’ away present.
MA: [ takes cake ] Me??
[ Moe takes a camera out of a grocery bag ]
MOE: Oh, boy, a camera! This for me, Joe???
LARRY: [ tries grabbing camera ] No, that’s for me!
[ Moe, Larry, and Ma are all fighting over the camera ]
JOE: Hey!! Wait a minute!! [ runs over ] Wait a minute! That’s miiiine!
[ Joe tries to grab the camera back from Moe, Larry, and Ma ]
JOE: I’m going on a camping trip!
MA: It’s mine!
JOE: Come on, let go!
[ During the back-and-forth fighting over the camera, the camera accidentally clicks and Joe unknowingly pulls out a picture ]
MOE: Give it to me, now!
JOE: I’m gonna win a priiiiize!
MOE: Alright, let ‘im have his old camera… He can take pictures of brother Larry and I on the camping trip.
JOE: Oh, no! Oh, no, I’m goin’ alone!
MA: Alone?? I take you in as my very own, and now you deny my sons - your loving cousins - the pleasure of your vacation!
[ Joe looks down with a sad expression ]
JOE: I’m sorry, auntie dear. I-I’m an ingrate, that’s what I am! Cousin Moe and Cousin Larry, you can come on that camping trip with me. [ holds up camera ] And I’ll even let you use my ca--
[ Joe stops and looks at the picture that’s hanging out of the camera ]
JOE: Heyyyyy!
[ Joe pulls the picture out and everybody looks at it. It’s a picture of someone’s foot standing in a cake. ]
JOE: It’s your cake, auntie dear, but… who’s foot is that???
[ Everybody looks down at Joe’s foot and sees his foot standing in Ma’s cake on the floor ]
MA: You and your big feet! You wrecked my cake!
JOE: Don’t worry, auntie dear… I-I got another one!
[ Joe pulls out a smaller cake from a grocery box ]
MOE: [ grabs cake ] Hey, gimme that!
LARRY: [ grabs cake ] Wait, that’s mine!
[ Moe and Larry accidentally shove the cake into Joe’s face. Ma gasps. ]
JOE: Oooh… Hooooooh…
[ The scene ends ]
[ The next scene begins in the wilderness. Moe and Larry are sitting outside of their car in the woods. Larry is reading a magazine with an excited look on his face. ]
LARRY: I like this Facts and Figures magazine.
[ Moe is looking around through a magnifying glass. He stops and sees the cover of Larry’s book, which mentions a candid camera contest. ]
MOE: Hey - Joe entered that candid camera contest. Gimme the facts about it.
LARRY: Wait’ll I look over the figures.
[ Moe looks at the page Larry is reading, which is a picture of a scantily-dressed woman sitting on a box. ]
MOE: [ grabs magazine away ] What are you, an accountant?! [ bonks Larry’s head ] Come onnn! [ turns page and reads ] “Photo contest facts: First Prize - $10,000”.
LARRY: Can you imagine Joe winnin’ a prize like that? [ laughs ]
MOE: No! [ laughs ]
LARRY: $10,000! [ laughs ] He couldn’t win 10,000 jellybeans!
[ Moe and Larry crack up even more ]
[ Meanwhile, Joe is trying to snap a picture of a squirrel on a tree ]
JOE: Hold stiiiill! Watch the birdie, the birdie!
[ The squirrel continues moving around on the tree ]
MOE: Hey, Larry, listen to this: [ reads from page ] “Flying saucers are real. Scientists are convinced that space travelers from other planets have visited Earth. But no one has gotten a picture of a flying saucer yet.”
LARRY: Boy! That picture sure would win first prize!
[ Larry looks up at the sky for something. Moe follows what Larry is doing, while trying to light a cigar. He ends up accidentally burning his nose with the lit match instead of the cigar. ]
MOE: WOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!! [ to Larry ] What are you lookin’ for?!
LARRY: With all that space up there, there might be a spaceship… and we could get the picture, and w--
MOE: Spaceship?
[ Moe laughs sarcastically, then suddenly eyepokes Larry ]
MOE: Come onnn, you with your spaceship!
[ Suddenly, the air gets very windy, blowing around a lot of things nearby, including a paper plate ]
MOE: Hey, hey! It’s blowing up a tornado!
[ The paper plate flies by Joe, who’s still trying to take the squirrel’s picture ]
JOE: Stop shooing, squirrel!
[ Joe snaps the camera just as the paper plate quickly flies past the camera ]
JOE: Thanks, squirrel. [ looks at camera ] Boy… [ to squirrel ] I’m sorry, squirrel - I have no nuts… Uh… [ pulls out gum from pocket ] Chewing gum! [ tosses gum up to squirrel ] Boy, this picture…
[ Joe walks up to Moe and Larry ]
JOE: Oh, boy! Oh, boy, did I get a picture! Oh, boy!!
[ Joe takes the picture out of his camera and gets a disappointed expression when he sees that a floating paper plate is next to the squirrel in the picture ]
JOE: Hey, somethin’ spoiled my snapshot!
[ Joe angrily tosses the picture down and walks away ]
[ Moe picks up the picture and looks at it ]
MOE: Hey, look! [ points to paper plate ] A flying saucer!
LARRY: That picture’s worth a lot of dough!
MOE: Quiet! We don’t wanna let Joe know anything about this.
LARRY: Hey… [ looks around ] That flying saucer must’ve landed… over there back in the hills.
MOE: Well, we’ll borrow Joe’s camera and take some close shots of it.
LARRY: Oh, boy! We’re gonna be rich!
MOE: It’ll be worth a fortune!
[ Larry reaches behind him and pulls down a blanket hanging from the top of their car. An axe and a box of cans on top of the blanket fall off and land on Moe and Larry’s heads. ]
MOE: Oww! Ooh! [ slaps Larry’s head ] What’s the matta with you?!! Come onnn! Get goin’!
[ Moe and Larry get up and walk over to Joe, who’s trying to snap another picture ]
MOE: Loan me your camera. [ takes Joe’s camera ]
JOE: Sure! Take my picture!
MOE: Alright, close your eyes.
[ Joe closes his eyes and Moe and Larry run away with his camera. He opens his eyes a few seconds later and sees they’re gone. ]
JOE: Hey, wa-- Hey, wait! [ runs after Moe and Larry ]
[ Nearby, three men get out of a car dressed in scuba diving outfits ]
MAN #1: All set?
MAN #2: Right.
MAN #3: Right.
MAN #1: Now listen, fellas - we’ll all go in together. When we see a school of fish… let ‘em have it.
MAN #2: Right.
MAN #1: Let’s go.
[ All three men walk away ]
[ The Stooges are walking through the woods. Moe goes up to a large hanging branch in front of him, ducks under it, then swings it backwards, hitting Larry in the face. Larry then ducks under the branch and swings it backwards, hitting Joe in the face. Joe covers his face in pain. ]
MOE: [ to Larry ] I wonder where that thing landed.
[ Moe and Larry look around and are surprised when they see the three men dressed in scuba diving outfits ]
MOE: Mars men! We’re being invaded! Run for your life!
[ Moe and Larry quickly run up to their car ]
MOE AND LARRY: Ohh!
MOE: Hurry up, Larry!
[ Joe sees Moe and Larry getting in their car ]
JOE: What’s the matter with you guys?!
[ The three men in scuba outfits walk up to Joe ]
JOE: Hi, fellas!
MAN #1: Howdy.
JOE: [ points at Moe and Larry ] They’re such cowards! They thought you were Mars men! [ does a double-take, looks at three men’s outfits ] Mars men!! YOOOWWAAAAAYYYY!!
[ Joe runs up to a tent that’s tied to the back of the Stooges’ car and he hides inside the tent. Moe and Larry drive the car away, dragging the tent along with it. Joe still thinks he’s hiding under the tent, then after a few seconds, he sees the car driving away. ]
JOE: Hey! Wait for me! [ runs after car ]
[ The scene ends ]
[ The next scene begins with a shot of a crowd outside as we see a newspaper headline, which reads “ACTUAL PHOTO OF FLYING SAUCER SETS COUNTRY ABLAZE” ]
[ The camera shows a shot of the White House as we see another newspaper headline that reads “FLYING SAUCER PHOTO ALERTS CAPITOL” ]
[ The next headline is from a Facts and Figures Magazine cover which has Moe and Larry’s picture on it. The caption under their picture says “PHOTO CONTEST WINNERS - FIRST ACTUAL PHOTO OF FLYING SAUCER”. ]
[ The scene dissolves to Moe and Larry standing inside a radio station talking to a magazine president in front of them. A lit-up sign behind them says “ON THE AIR”. ]
MAGAZINE PRESIDENT: As president of Facts and Figures Magazine, it gives me great pleasure to present you with the first prize-- [ shows a wheelbarrow of money ] $10,000!
[ Moe and Larry both gasp when they see the wheelbarrow of money ]
MOE: Thank you!!
[ Moe and Larry begin picking up some of the money and stuffing it inside their suits ]
MAGAZINE PRESIDENT: [ to radio microphone ] Ladies and gentlemen… Facts and Figures Magazine is always happy to--
[ While Moe continues to stuff money inside his suit, Larry grabs the wheelbarrow and takes off with it ]
MOE: Hey, come back, you weasel!
[ Moe begins chasing after Larry, but he accidentally trips on a wire on the floor and almost falls down ]
MAGAZINE PRESIDENT: --any legitimate-- uh… Excuse… uh… [ Emil Sitka clears throat and almost breaks character ] Ahem, sorry, folks…
[ The scene ends ]
[ The next scene begins inside the Stooges’ apartment. The apartment looks much fancier now and a swank party is being held inside of it. Moe is dressed in a fancy tuxedo and surrounded by two women. ]
MOE: This beats slingin’ hash, doesn’t it, baby?
WOMAN #1: And how, you doll.
[ The camera shows Larry also dressed in a tux and surrounded by two women ]
LARRY: Stick to me, girls, and you’ll get a trip to the moon - one way!
[ One of the women holds a champagne glass up to Larry and he drinks from it ]
[ The camera shows Ma in a fancy dress, standing with a short man ]
MA: Kiss me, ducky!
[ Ma holds the short man up to her face and kisses him. After she puts the man back down, he has an astonished reaction to the kiss and Ma giggles. ]
WOMAN #1: Let’s drink another toast to our heroes.
WOMAN #2: Gimme some more champagne.
MOE: Okay, baby.
[ Moe tries to pour champagne from a bottle into the woman’s glass, but none comes out ]
WOMAN #2: Hey, it’s empty!
MOE: Ohh, don’t worry - we’re lousy with champagne. [ to kitchen door ] Hey, Joe, come here!
[ Joe comes out of the kitchen while dressed in an apron and carrying many dishes ]
JOE: What is it, Cousin Moe?
MOE: Get some more champagne. [ lights woman’s cigarette with dollar bill ]
JOE: I can’t - I’m busy!
MOE: Well, drop what you’re doin’ and get it!
JOE: Okay, if you say so!
[ Joe drops all the plates on the floor, causing them to smash loudly and startle everyone. Joe goes back into the kitchen and closes the swinging kitchen door. ]
MOE: I’ll butcher that goose!!
[ Moe walks towards the kitchen door. As he’s about to open it, it swings open from the inside and slams in Moe’s face. Moe angrily pushes the door back inside, slamming it into Joe. ]
JOE: [ off-camera ] OOHH!! OOH! OOH!
[ Joe comes out of the kitchen holding his nose in pain ]
JOE: Why don’t you look where you’re going??
MOE: You overstuffed baloney! I’ll--
JOE: Moe! I-I-I took those photos. I should get some of that--
MOE: [ grabs Joe’s neck ] You tell anybody you took those photos-- [ slaps Joe ] and I’ll break every bone in your head! [ slaps Joe ]
JOE: OOH!
[ Moe eyepokes Joe ]
JOE: OOH!
[ Moe punches Joe in the stomach ]
JOE: OOH!
[ Moe flicks Joe in the nose ]
JOE: Do that again.
[ Moe flicks Joe’s nose again ]
JOE: Again.
[ Moe flicks Joe’s nose once more ]
JOE: You do everything I tell ya to!
[ Moe grabs two champagne bottles from Joe and pushes him back into the kitchen ]
MOE: Go onnnnn! [ walks back to party guests ] Fresh giggle water! [ hands one bottle to Larry ]
WOMAN #2: Well, hurry up!
MOE: Oh, keep your powder dry.
[ Moe and Larry struggle to open the champagne bottles ]
WOMAN #2: Well, come on!
[ Both Moe and Larry’s bottle pop open at the same time, accidentally spraying in each other’s faces ]
MOE: What happened??
[ Joe peeks back out of the kitchen and laughs at Moe and Larry ]
JOE: Ha ha haaa! That’s good for you! That’s good for you!
[ Suddenly, a bottle is thrown from off-camera at Joe and it smashes on his head ]
JOE: That’s bad for me! [ holds head in pain ] Wow!! [ goes back inside kitchen ]
LARRY: I’m soaked to the skin.
MOE: Me, too!
[ Suddenly, the Facts and Figures Magazine president storms inside the Stooges' apartment along with a cop. The magazine president grabs both Moe and Larry. ]
MAGAZINE PRESIDENT: So - you thought you could slip it over on us, eh?!
MOE: What are you talkin’ about??
MAGAZINE PRESIDENT: [ pulls out picture ] Here’s an enlargement of your flying saucer. The government checked it. It’s nothing but a dirty paper plate with a gob of potato salad and jelly stains on it! You swindlers!!
LARRY: That Joe, that double-crossin’ rat!
MOE: [ to president ] Oh, we’re innocent! We can explain this.
MAGAZINE PRESIDENT: Hmm…
MOE: [ to kitchen door, in sing-songy voice ] Joooeeeeyy??
JOE: [ off-camera, in sing-songy voice ] Comiiiiiiiiing!
[ A loud smashing sound is heard from the kitchen, startling everyone again ]
[ Joe comes out of the kitchen smiling and walks up to Moe and Larry ]
JOE: What is it, Cousin Moe?
MOE: Joe, tell these men the honest truth who photographed that flying saucer.
JOE: [ winks at Moe ] You and Larry did, Cousin Moe!
MOE: No, no! I mean, who really did it?!
JOE: [ winks at Moe again ] You held the camera and Larry snapped the picture!
MOE: Yeah, we-- [ does a double-take, then grabs Joe closer ] Why, you--!
[ Moe aims a punch at Joe, but Joe ducks, causing Moe to accidentally punch Larry ]
LARRY: OOOH!!
MAGAZINE PRESIDENT: [ to cop ] Officer! Take these swindlers out of here!
[ The cop drags Moe and Larry out of the apartment ]
MOE: Ma, get us a lawyer - a cheap one!!
MA: [ gasps ] Ohh, my boys!
[ The magazine president takes the wheelbarrow of money the Stooges had and as he leaves with it, Joe picks up some of the money from it and stuffs it in his pocket ]
MA: Ohh!! Ohh… [ looks to the side ] Ooh, that double-crosser Joe! [ grabs Joe ] Yooouuuu… You ingrate! [ slaps Joe ] You worm! [ slaps Joe ] You boob! [ eyepokes Joe ]
JOE: Ooh!
MA: You wolf! [ punches Joe in stomach ]
JOE: OOOOHHH!!
[ Ma kicks Joe in the behind, sending him falling forward ]
JOE: OOOOHHHH!!
[ Joe lands face-first into the punch bowl on the table ]
JOE: Ooooh…
MA: Get out of my house and never darken my door again!!
[ Joe sadly looks down and slowly walks towards the door ]
MA: Git!!
[ The scene ends ]
[ The next scene begins with a glum Joe alone in the woods, sitting in front of a campfire. He has several clothes hanging behind him on a clothesline and several boxes around him. ]
JOE: Gee, I sure miss my cousins and my dear auntie, even if they are mean to me. Golly, if I could take a picture of a real spaceship, I bet they’d take me back.
[ A loud sound is heard in the sky. Joe looks up. ]
JOE: Oh… I must be seein’ things. That can’t be a real spaceship. [ laughs ] Nah…
[ Joe does a double-take and looks up again. He indeed sees a real spaceship floating above. A projected voice comes out from inside. ]
VOICE: Do not be afraid!
[ Inside the spaceship, we see two alien women. One is speaking into a microphone and the other is controlling the spaceship. ]
ELEKTRA: This is Elektra from planet Zircon. We want to make friends with you Earth people. We are going to land.
TYRIN: Brace for landing.
[ The spaceship lands on the ground ]
[ Joe looks around for the spaceship ]
JOE: Ahh, I must be dreamin’… [ pinches his arm ] OWW!! [ slaps his own hand ] Not so haaaaaaaard! [ looks at sky ] I didn’t see anything, it was imagination. I know--
[ The two alien women walk up behind Joe and startle him ]
ELEKTRA: Hello!
TYRIN: Hello! I’m Tyrin, this is Elektra. And we heard what you said.
ELEKTRA: Yes, and I just happen to have a very nice picture of a flying saucer. [ hands Joe a card ]
JOE: Gee, thanks!
[ Joe looks at the card, which says “A.B. CLOUD & CO. - SPUTNIK G.i-8 - NEW AND USED SPACE SHIPS - 200 VAPOR BLVD. - ZIRCON - PHONE: BLEEP-BLUEP-BLORP”, along with a picture of a spaceship ]
JOE: Gee, thanks! Y-You’re really a fairy godmother! [ looks at Elektra and Tyrin’s bodies ] Wow! What mamas! Say - do you mind if I take a picture of your, uh… spaceship?
ELEKTRA: Certainly!
TYRIN: Help yourself.
JOE: Ohh, boy!
[ Joe grabs his camera and holds it up to his face. He tries to snap a picture of the spaceship, but his hands keep shaking. Tyrin puts her arms around Joe and holds the camera still for him, while Elektra clicks the camera. ]
ELEKTRA: Sure!
JOE: Thanks! [ looks passionately at Tyrin ] Don’t ever leave me.
TYRIN: We must. The entire Earth is looking for us. But… may we kiss you goodbye?
JOE: May you?? May you?? Wow!! [ puckers up ]
[ Tyrin gives Joe a quick kiss on the lips, followed by Elektra giving Joe a longer kiss on the lips. After the kiss, Joe blows smoke out of his mouth and ears as Elektra and Tyrin return to their spaceship. ]
[ Joe looks up in the sky and sees Elektra and Tyrin leaving in their spaceship ]
JOE: BYE!! BYE!! [ to himself ] Oh, boy, I got it made! I got it made!
[ Joe quickly puts the campfire out with water ]
JOE: Oh, boy, will my cousins and my auntie… boy, will they be-- [ snatches down clothes from clothesline ] --be happy when I get home… and show ‘em what I did. Oh, boy!
[ Joe places his clothes in the middle of a blanket on the ground, followed by him dumping cans from a box on top of the clothes ]
JOE: You bet your life…
[ Joe places a pan in the blanket with the cans and clothes. He’s about to put a closed pot in there as well, but hears something inside of it. ]
JOE: Coffee… I don’t wanna… let that go to waste. [ pours coffee from pot into cup ] Gotta take that in case I get thirsty on the way… to see my cousin and my aunt. Yeah, take that…
[ Joe places the cup of coffee down on the blanket with the other stuff ]
JOE: Oh, boy!
[ Joe closes up the blanket and carries it over his shoulder ]
JOE: You bet your-- oh…
[ Unknown to Joe, all the stuff inside the blanket he’s carrying fall out behind him ]
JOE: Ooh, wait! Wait! [ grabs rifle ] There maybe… bears or somethin’ - I gotta protect myself.
[ Joe begins running forward, but he accidentally trips over a rock and unintentionally fires his rifle in the air and he falls on the ground. ]
JOE: Ohh!
[ Suddenly, a dead duck drops from the sky and lands on Joe’s head ]
JOE: OOWW!! [ picks up duck ] Oh, my-- a duck! [ looks at camera ] Whaddaya know!
[ The scene ends ]
[ The next scene opens inside the Stooges’ apartment. The apartment is back to looking raggedy and messy once again. Ma is sitting down, still in her fancy dress, drinking liquor. She tries to pour more liquor from the bottle into the glass, but the bottle is empty. Ma angrily throws the empty bottle behind her into the chimney heart, which is again filled with other empty bottles. ]
[ Moe and Larry enter the apartment ]
MA: Oh, my boys!
LARRY: Ah, that worm, Joe! On account of him, we spent all night in jail.
MOE: And we go to jail for keeps unless we get back the money.
LARRY: And we spent nearly all of it!
[ Joe enters the apartment, holding a picture ]
JOE: Cousin Moe! Cousin Larry! There are real space people! Real girls! They kissed me! And I got a picture of a real spaceship! A-And you can say that you took it!
LARRY: [ pushes Joe ] Ahh, you’re not only crazy, you’re a liar as well!
MOE: And we don’t want no part of ya!
LARRY: Yeah, you got us in enough trouble already!
[ Larry punches Joe in the stomach ]
JOE: OHHHH!!
[ Moe slaps Joe’s hat off ]
JOE: OOH!
[ Larry punches Joe in the stomach again ]
JOE: OOH!!
[ Moe bops Joe on the head ]
JOE: OOH!!
[ Larry and Moe punch their fists into Joe’s jaw ]
JOE: OOOOOHHHH!!
LARRY: [ to Moe ] We let him off pretty easy, didn’t we?
JOE: [ looks at camera ] That does it!! [ to Larry and Moe ] Hey! [ holds up fists ] See this?
MOE AND LARRY: Yeah?
[ Joe punches both Moe and Larry in the face with his fists ]
MOE AND LARRY: OOH!
[ Joe picks up an empty champagne bottle and bonks Moe on the head with it, knocking him out. As Joe turns to Larry, Ma sneaks up behind Joe with a bottle of her own and gets ready to knock Joe on the head. However, Joe swings his bottle backwards, unintentionally knocking Ma out, then he swings the bottle forwards and knocks Larry out. Joe tosses the bottle in the air and it smashes on the ceiling as he happily dusts off his hands. ]
[ The scene ends ]
[ The next scene begins with a shot of a Facts and Figures Magazine cover with a picture of Joe while he hear a crowd cheering in the background. The caption under his picture says “WINNER OF PHOTO CONTEST PROVES FLYING SAUCERS ARE REAL”. ]
[ The camera dissolves to a close-up of a newspaper headline which reads “FLYING SAUCER PHOTOGRAPHER AWARDED CITY’S HIGHEST HONOR” ]
[ The camera dissolves to a scene of what looks like a parade in the streets. A huge crowd is gathered and confetti is in the air. ]
[ The camera shows a shot of Joe in the backseat of a fancy car, wearing a suit, smoking a big cigar, and waving to the crowd outside. The camera pulls back and reveals that Elektra and Tyrin are in the backseat with him. Joe puts his arms around them. ]
JOE: Boy, this is the life!
[ The camera shows the outside of a jail, where we see Moe and Larry in straitjackets sadly watching the parade through the prison window bars ]
MOE AND LARRY: Ohhhh! Ohh!
MOE: No!
MOE AND LARRY: Ohhhhhhh…
[ Moe and Larry walk over to the wall of their room and bang their heads repeatedly against the wall ]
MOE AND LARRY: Ohh! … Ohh! … Ohh! … Uh!
[ Moe and Larry bonk their heads against each other’s and they lean on each other’s heads with dazed expressions as we hear a cuckoo bird sound ]
THE END
FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We make such material available in an effort to advance awareness and understanding of the issues involved. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information please visit: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission directly from the copyright owner.
