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[ <- Transcripts List ] [ SOCIETY MUGS (1946) ]

Transcribed By: Moron4392
Date Added: 2009-09-12

"SOCIETY MUGS:"        "SAMUEL HORWITZ" SOLO SHORT:        RELEASED ON:        SEPTEMBER 16, 1946:

{REWORK OF THE:        JANUARY 7, 1938:        "MOE, LARRY, AND CURLY" SHORT:        "TERMITES OF 1938"}:

{PERSONAL NOTATION:      "SHEMP" SOLO VERSION RULES:        "MOE, LARRY, AND CURLY" VERSION DRULES}:


We open "SOCIETY MUGS" in the residence of MR. ARTHUR ALLEN; {CHARLES WILLIAMS}.  He is wearing a pair of spectacles and is dressed in a pair of casual trousers, a plaid shirt, thermal vest and a cap.  He is now whistling merrily as he is using hand gestures like he is casting out and reeling in a fishing wire as he is now approaching a clothing closet in the living room quarters and is opening it and looking for his fishing tackle box of gear.

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to PETUNIA the MAID; {ETTA McDANIEL}:  (As Mr. Allen has a mad look on his face and is shouting to her in a mad tone of voice about not seeing his fishing gear):  "Aaaah, for Heaven's sakes, Petunia, Petunia, will you come here a minute?"

PETUNIA to MR. ARTHUR ALLEN:  (As she is now approaching Mr. Allen dressed in a black maids uniform dress with a white apron and a white lace hat as she is smiling sweetly and says to him in a gleeful tone of voice):  "Somebody paging Petunia?"

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to PETUNIA:  (As he is standing there with his hands on his waist and a perplexed look on his face as he is asking her in a questionable tone of voice):  "Where's all of my fishing tackle?  I put it right in this closet last year!"

PETUNIA to MR. ARTHUR ALLEN:  (As she is standing there with a happy look on her face as she is saying to him in a mischievous tone of voice):  "Yes, you did, Mr. Allen, and it's still there, but it's a little sub-merged like!"

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to PETUNIA:  (As he has a dumbfounded look on his face as he is pointing a thumb at the closet and is saying to her in a mischievous tone of voice):  "Well, I'll un-sub-merge it!"

We now see Mr. Allen getting himself a short and very wobbly foot stool to stand on as he is looking on the top shelf for his fishing gear box.  Petunia is standing there watching him in wide eyed fright.

PETUNIA to MR. ARTHUR ALLEN:  (As she has a look of worry on her face as she has now noticed him on that wobbly foot stool and is saying to him in a really worried voice):  "You better let me get it!"

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to PETUNIA:  (As he is now precariously perched on that wobbly foot stool as he is frantically searching the top shelving for his fishing gear box as he is using hand gestures for her to back away as he has a worried look on his face and is saying to her in a carrying tone of voice):  "Nonsense, I'll get it, you might fall or something!"

We now see Petunia standing there with a really worried look on her face as Mr. Arthur Allen is still precariously perched on that wobbly foot stool supporting very insecure balance.

PETUNIA to MR. ARTHUR ALLEN:  (As she still has her worried look on her face and is using a really worried tone of voice):  "I doubt it, here we come!"

Mr. Allen has now lost his balance as he is falling backwards off of that wobbly foot stool as he is now dumping on himself the entire top shelving of paraphernalia.  We see Petunia once again looking at him in wide eyed fright as he is now removing the stuff off of himself and has a mad look on his face.

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to PETUNIA:  (As he is sitting there underneath all the paraphernalia with a really stupid look on his face as he is saying to her in a dumb sounding tone of voice):  "See, I told ya, I'd get it!"

PETUNIA to MR. ARTHUR ALLEN:  (As she is standing there with a mischievous look on her face as she is laughing at him hysterically):  "Yes, you did, that's what you said, you said that, heee, heee, heee, heee, heee, heee, heee, heee!"

We now see Petunia helping Mr. Arthur Allen up as Petunia has a devilish look on her face and he is supporting a look of stupid embarrassment on his face.  We now see his wife, MURIEL ALLEN; {CHRISTINE McINTYRE}, running up to him in a state of worry.

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to HER HUSBAND:  (As she is standing there with a worried look on her face as sh is asking him in a really worried tone of voice):  "Arthur, what happened?"

PETUNIA to MURIEL ALLEN:  (As Mr. Allen is standing there with a really embarrassed look on his face as Petunia is saying to Mrs. Allen in a really mischievous tone of voice):  "He said, he'd get it, and he got it!"

We now see Petunia exiting to answer the front door buzzar as Muriel is standing there with a mad look on her face as he still has a stupid look on his face as he still in the middle of the shelving paraphernalia.

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to HER HUSBAND:  (As she is standing there with a mad look and is using a mad tone of voice):  "But, Arthur, how can you possibly go fishing today?"

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to HIS WIFE:  (As he has a sarcastic look on his face as he is saying to her in a sarcastic tone of voice):  "It's a cinch, I just throw my tackle in the car, and away I go!"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to HER HUSBAND:  (As she is looking at him with an evil look on her face as she is stating to him wickedly):  "Oh, dear, have you forgotten about Mrs. Preston's dinner party, this evening?"

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to HIS WIFE:  (As he has a perplexed look on his face as he is saying to her in a sarcastic tone of voice as he is still holding his fishing rod):  "No, that's why I'm going fishing, I remember her last party!!"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to HER HUSBAND:  (As she is looking at him with a really hurt look on her face as she is saying to him in a really hurtful tone of voice):  "But, darling, the dinner is to be given in honour of LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM; {VERNON DENT}.  I so wanted you to go, you might pick-up some manners."

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to HIS WIFE:  (As he is standing there holding his fishing rod with a mischievous look on his face as he is laughing hysterically and is saying to her in a mischievous tone of voice):  "I'd rather pick-up a few trout, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa!"

We now see Petunia approaching Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Allen with a gleeful look on her face.

PETUNIA to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As she is saying to her in a very professional tone of voice):  "Mrs. Preston's calling, Mame!"

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to HIS WIFE:  (As he is patting her on the hand and has a mischievous look on his face as he is saying to her in a mischievous tone of voice):  "And, Mr. Allen's leaving, Mame!"

We now see Mr. Arthur Allen exiting joyfully as Muriel is standing there with a really sad and hurtful look on her face as she is watching her husband exit for his trout fishing expedition as we no see MRS. ALICE PRESTON; {REBEL RANDALL} walking up to Muriel with a happy look on her face.

ALICE PRESTON to MURIEL ALLEN:  (As she is saying to her in a very polite tone of voice):  "Hello, Muriel, aren't you thrilled about tonight?"

MURIEL ALLEN to ALICE PRESTON:  (As Muriel is looking at Alice with a really sad look on her face as she is saying to her in a really low and sad tone of voice):  "Oh!!"

ALICE PRESTON to MURIEL ALLEN:  (As Alice has a hand on Muriel's shoulder in a carrying state as she is looking at her with a worried look and is asking her in a worried tone of voice):  "Why, what's the matter?"

MURIEL ALLEN to ALICE PRESTON:  (As Muriel has a sad look on her face as she is stating to Alice in a sad and apologetic tone of voice):  "Alice, I'm afraid I can't go to your party.  Arthur has gone on one of those fishing trips of his and I won't have and Escort!"

ALICE PRESTON to MURIEL ALLEN:  (As she has a sad look on her face as she is saying in a sad but then a happy tone of voice as she has now figured out a way to help Muriel out):  "Oh, dear, I have and idea?  Why not call the "ACME ESCORT BUREAU", and have them send over a nice, young man!"

MURIEL ALLEN to ALICE PRESTON:  (As Muriel is looking at Alice with a dazed look on her face as she is asking her in a low and questionable voice):  "Escort Bureau?"

ALICE PRESTON to MURIEL ALLEN:  (As she is looking at her with a happy look on her face as she is saying to her in a gleeful tone of voice):  "Yes, I understand that the "Acme Escort Bureau" is thoroughly reliable.  All the men are young and handsome, college boys mostly, and perfect gentlemen.  Get two, if you can, we could use an extra man!"

MURIEL ALLEN to ALICE PRESTON:  (As Muriel is looking at Alice with a perplexed look on her face as she is saying to her in a voice of wonderment):  "Well, I......!"

ALICE PRESTON to MURIEL ALLEN:  (As Alice is looking at Muriel with an uplifting and happy look as she is saying to Muriel in an encouraging tone of voice):  "Oh, go ahead, Muriel, you call them up right away.  I'll be expecting you!"

We now see Mrs. Preston exiting with a happy look on her face and is using a positive voice.  Muriel is standing there with a dazed look on her face as she in now contemplating over what Alice has suggested about calling the "Acme Escort Bureau!"

We now see Mrs. Allen with a joyful look on her face as she has now shrugged her shoulders in a state of why not as she is walking over to the telephone directory as she is now the process of looking up the "Acme Escort Bureau."

PETUNIA to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As she has now walked up to her smiling sweetly as she is seeing Mrs. Allen thumbing through the telephone directory as Petunia is asking here in a serious tone of voice):  "Are you going out tonight, Miss Allen?"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to PETUNIA:  (As she is saying to Petunia in a carrying tone of voice):  "Aaaah, yes, Petunia.  Look up the "Acme Escort Bureau", for me, will you?"

PETUNIA to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As Petunia is looking at her with a serious look on her face as she is replying to her in a low and serious tone of voice):  "Yes, mame!"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to PETUNIA:  (As she is now exiting to get ready for her night out says to Petunia in a low and worried tone of voice):  "I do hope they're discriminating?"

PETUNIA to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As Petunia is now thumbing through the telephone directory is saying to herself in a low tone of voice):  "Excriminating, "Acme Excriminating", here it is Miss Allen, I got it here already, here 'Acme Excriminating'!

Petunia has now mistaken the word discriminating and Escort for the word 'Exterminating' as she has now accidentally penned down the number for the "ACME EXTERMINATING COMPANY", as a mistake for "Acme Escort Bureau."

We are now reading a sign on a business door that reads as follows:

Acme
EXTERMINATING CO.
IF YOU GOT 'EM
WE'LL GET 'EM

We are now in the office of the "Acme Exterminating Company" were we see our two pest controllers Shemp and TOM; {TOM KENNEDY}, dressed in white dress shirts, bow ties and hats.  Shemp is now bent down on his knees and is holding onto a piece of roping as he is looking at Tom with a mischievous look on his face as Tom is behind Shemp with his right leg bent and his knee on the floor while his left leg is bent and he has his left arm resting on it as he has his right hand on his waist as he is looking back at Shemp with a dumbfounded and mischievous look on his face.

Shemp has now stood up as he is now pulling his piece of rope and is tieing it onto a leaver actioned rod that is sitting on the end of a working bench.  As Shemp was walking with his rope piece, Tom was walking backwards also to the end of the working bench to see what kind of mischief that Shemp was engaged in.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp has now finished tieing the rope to the leaver activated rod and has now rubbed his hands together in glee and is saying to Tome in a happy and mischievous tone of voice):  "Well, there she is!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tome is standing there with his hands on his waist and a look of puzzlement on his face as he is asking Shemp in a questionable tone of voice):  "There, what is?"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is standing there with his hands on his waist and a look of pride on his face as he is stating to Tom in a really proud tone of voice):  "THE SHEMP SPECIAL BOOBY-TRAP FOR RATS AND MICE!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is looking at Shemp with a perplexed look on his face as he is saying to Shemp in a quizzical tone of voice):  "Booby-trap, hunh?"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is now smiling at Tom with a mischievous grin on his face as he is saying to him in a proud and mischievous voice):  "Yeah, don't you get the idea?  It's brilliant my boy, brilliant.  Now, when the rat comes out of the hole, he moves one of those strings, bang, the canon goes off and good-by rat!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tome has a look of dismay on his face as he is saying to Shemp in a mischievous voice):  "Oh, I get it, the noise wakes the cat, and the little pussy gets the rat, hunh?"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is standing there with his hands on his waist and a look of mischief on his face as he is at first agreeing with Tom in a mischievous state and then realizes what he has done is now re-answering Tom in a mischievous voice):  "Yeah, well no, you Mallet Head, no!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is pointing a finger at himself and has a devious look on his face as he is saying to Shemp in a mischievous tone of voice):  "The Olde fashioned way is good enough for me.  Booby-trap, hunh!"

We now see Tom picking-up a fishing rod and is putting a big block of cheese on a fishing hook as he is now sitting back on a working bench and is dangling the cheese in front of the entrance way to the mouses house.  Tom is now still sitting on the working bench as he has put a badge on his hat and is yawning from boredom.

As Tom was sitting on the working bench with his fishing rod and cheese we got a quick glimpse of Shemp with his hands on his waist as he is looking at Tom with a dumbfounded look on his face as he is wondering what in the world that Tom is up to.

We now see a mouse coming out of his house as he has now grabbed the cheese block as Tom is now waking up and is frantically fighting with the mouse as he trying to reel him in as Tom is rocking to and fro off of the working bench as he is waving the rod from side to side as he is now in a hurring to try and reel in the line with the mouse.

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is frantically trying to reel the mouse in with a worried look on his face as he is saying to Shemp in a worried tone of voice):  "Oh, Shemp, I got him!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is standing there with a devilish grin on his face as he is laughing hysterically and is saying to Tom in a mischievous tone of voice):  "Haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, you mean he's got you!  What are you using for bait?"

We now see Tom loosing his reeling and balance in battle with the cute little mousey as he is now falling off the working bench and is being dragged across the floor and is hitting his coconut hard against the wall of the mousey's door way into his housey.

We now see Shemp with a horrified look of pain on his face as he has now flinched in panic as he is now running over to help Tom up.

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tome has hit his coconut hard against the wall for a second time and is still holding onto his fishing rod and has a horrible look of pain on his face):  "Aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, aaaaah, aaaah, aaaah, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is now bending over and helping Tom up with a really hurtful look on his face as he is saying to Tom in a worried and mad tone of voice):  "Here, get up, you big lummox, you want to wreck the joint?"

We now see Tom standing there moaning in pain as he has a painful look on his face and is rubbing his head in pain.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is looking at Tom with a loof of mischief on his face and is saying to him in a really mischievous tone of voice as Tom is still standing there rubbing his head in pain):  "Now, you know why I invented the "Shemp Booby-Trap", it's safer!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is standing tere with a mad and painful look on his face as he is saying to Shemp in a sarcastic tone of voice):  "Enhy, you gotta show me!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is standing there straightening up his hat and has a look of mischief on his face as he is saying to Tom in a happy and slightly mischievous tone of voice):  "Okay, I will, if a rat will only show up.  I'll never forget, wait a minute, why didn't I think of this before!"

We now see Tom standing next to Shemp with his hands on his waist and a look of wonderment on his face as Shemp is standing there with a look of mischievous on his face as Shemp is now in the process of playing a piccolo, very off keyed, to call out rats to his Shemp Booby-Trap."

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is still standing there with his hands on his waist and a look of bewilderment on his face as he is asking Shemp in a questionable tone of voice):  "What's, what's the bid idea?"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is standing there with a really devious look on his face as he is stating to Tom in a devilish and mischievous voice):  "Did you ever hear of the 'Pied Piper of Hamlin'?  He gave out with a jive for the rats and the mice.  I guess if a Piper can do it 'Pie-Eyed', I outta be able to do it sober, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha!"

We now hear Shemp playing Revelry on his piccolo with a gleeful look on his face as Tom is standing by his side with a dazed look on his face.

We are now getting a demonstration of the "Shemp Booby-Trap" as we are seeing a little mousey coming out of his house totally un-scathed and out foxing the two investors as he happily walks out of his house and not touching one rope as the ropes were not taunt enough for him to set it off.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp has now flinched a tad as he has noticed the mouse freely walking out and Shemp has a perplexed look on his face as does Tom as Shemp is saying to him in a devilish tone of voice):  "Must be far across the tracks, come on let's see what that is?  I guess I didn't have the string tight enough!"

We are now getting a true demonstration of the "Shemp Booby-Trap," as we see Shemp and Tom down on their knees as they are examining the Booby-Trap as Shemp is now testing the main string to see if it is tight enough.  Shemp now sets the 'Booby-Trap' off shooting both himself and Tom with the canon in their keesters.  We now see Shemp and Tom bouncing up and down and rubbing their keesters in pain as they are yelling 'yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, in pain.  Shemp is now sitting there opening and shutting his mouth and rubbing his ears with his fingers to help clear out the loud ringing sound from his ears from the canon blast.

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is sitting there in horrible pain as he is looking at Shemp with a mad look on his face as he is saying to him in a mad tone of voice):  "Booby-Traps, and you ain't kiddin'!"

Shemp and Tom are still sitting there in horrible states of pain as we now hear the ringing of the telephone.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is thinking the ringing of the telephone is the ringing in his ears as he is saying to Tom in a worried tone of voice):  "Oh boy, are my ears ringing!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is sitting there with a dumbfounded look on his face as he is stating to Shemp in a mad tone of voice):  "It's the telephone, you sap!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is looking at him with a quizzical look on his face as he is shouting loudly to Tom in a mischievous tone of voice):  "What?"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is sitting there looking at the slightly hard of hearing Shemp with a mischievous look on his face as he is shouting loudly to Shemp in a mad tone of voice):  "The phone, the phone, the thing you talk in, the thing you listen in!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is looking at Tom with a really mad look on his face as he is shouting to Tom in a loud and mad tone of voice):  "Why, didn't you say so!?"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is sitting there with a really gazzed look on his face and is using a dumbfounded tone of voice):  "Ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh!"

We now see Shemp and Tom standing up as they have dazzed looks on their faces as they are now in the process of answering the telephone.

SHEMP to THE TELEPHONE:  (As his is finishing rubbing his ears and has a puzzled look on his face as Tom is standing there with a blank stare on his face):  "Hello, hello?"

We are now in the process of hearing Muriel Allen mistakenly calling "ACME EXTERMINATORS" instead of "ACME ESCORT", due to the fact that Petunia got her the incorrect number.

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to SHEMP:  (As Muriel is asking him in a questionable tone of voice):  "Hello, Acme?"

SHEMP to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As Shemp is answering back to her in a professional tone of voice, and is still a bit hard of hearing from the canon blast):  "What's that?  Speak a little louder will ya?"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to SHEMP:  (As she is thinking she is talking to "Acme Escort" and is asking him in a serious tone of voice):  "Well, this is Mrs. Arthur Allen.  I'd like to engage one of your "BEST" men!"

SHEMP to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As Shemp is still at a loss for his hearing is saying to her in a mischievous tone of voice as he is now hearing her incorrectly as he is saying to her mischievously):  "We're both "PEST" men lady, nawh, but we both go on the job together, we work faster!"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to SHEMP:  (As she has a really dazzed look on hier face as she is saying to him in a low and quizzical tone of voice):  "Oh, really?  Well, aaaah, you see, a friend of mine is giving a dinner 'DANCE, DANCE, DANCE'!"

SHEMP to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As Shemp is at loss for his hearing and has misheard the word DANCE for ANTS as he is saying to her in a devilish tone of voice):  "ANTS?"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp has quickly gazzed over to Tom with a mischievous look on his face as he says to him in a low tone of voice):  "She's got ants!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom has a really hurtful look on his face as he is saying back to Shemp in a low and hurtful tone of voice):  "Aaaah, poor thing!"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to SHEMP:  (As she is still thinking she is talking to the "Acme Escort Bureau" is asking him in a really professional tone of voice): "Oh, by the way, what are your "FEES!?"

Here we go again as Shemp is still holding the telephone and has a horrified look of panic on his face as he is still a tad loss for hearing as he is now mistaking the word "FEES" for "FLEAS!"

SHEMP to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As he is shouting at her in a really panicking and loud tone of voice):  "FLEAS?"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As he once again quickly glances over at him with a really worried look on his face as he is saying to him in a low and worried tone of voice):  "She's got 'FLEAS', too!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is standing there with his hands on his waist and has a worried look on his face as he is saying to Shemp in a really worried voice):  "Ooooh, she must be in pretty bad shape!"

SHEMP to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As he is asking her in a really worried tone of voice):  "What else have you got, lady!?"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to SHEMP:  (As she has a really dazzed look on her face as she is saying to him in a really worried tone of voice):  "Ooooh, dear, this phone, we must have a bad connection.  Aaaah, you just send the men, and I'll explain when they get there.  416 Maple Avenue, that's right, good-bye?!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp has now hung up the telephone receiver on the cradle and is scratching his chin with a perplexed look on his face as he is saying to Tom in a mischievous tone of voice):  "416 Maple Avenue!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is standing there with his hands on his waist and a look on bewilderment on his face as he is saying to Shemp in a questionable voice):  "Yeah, that's a classy neighbourhood!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is looking at Tom with a look of mischief on his face as he is saying to Tom in a mischievous tone of voice):  "Then, we'll give them a classy job!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is looking at Shemp with a sheepish look on his face as he is saying to Shemp in a really mischievous tone of voice):  "Right!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is pointing a finger at himself with a look of happiness on his face as he is saying to him in a mischievous voice):  "We'll put on our best "Bib and Tucker."  Come on, big and useless, let's get going!"

We now see our two happy Pest Controllers gathering their gear as Shemp is now in the process of grabbing a bug spray gun and is putting it in a tin pail.  Tom has now grabbed a mallet, hatchet and a bit and auger, as he is now watching where he is going and has now stepped on the teeth of a large and heavy dirt rake as he is now slapping himself in the face hard with the handle.  Tom is now yelling out in pain, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, as he is now loosing his balance and is in the process of dropping the mallet and hatchet on his left foot as he is now hopping in pain on his right foot as he rubbing both his left foot and face in a state of horrible pain.  All the while that Tom was standing there in horrible paine we see Shemp looking at him with a wicked look on his face.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp s shouting at him with an evil tone of voice):  "Why, are you so careless, you big lummox.  Why don't you watch what you are doing?  What a Clam Digger!"

We are now in the process of seeing Shemp not living up to his words as he is reaching behind himself not looking at what he is doing as he is taking down a bundle of rope and a large paperboard cylinder and is now dropping a heavy, large tin pain on the top of his head.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is sitting there with a painful and sheepish look on his face as he is now grimacing in horrible state of pain as he is saying to Tom in a hurtful and really embarrassed tone of voice):  "Do I make myself clear?"

We are now at 416 Maple Avenue as we are in the process of seeing the "Jet Set Party" in honour of Lord Wafflebottom commencing as we are seeing Mrs. Muriel Allen standing there in a full length, black velvet one sleeved evening gown with a diamond belt.  As we see MR. DAVIS; {SNUB POLLARD}, dressed in a tuxedo.  Mrs. Preston is dressed in a two piece, long sleeved all white lace evening dress with a large flower pin on the right side of her dress.  There is also MRS. BLACK; {BESS FLOWERS}, standing there dressed in full length taffeta dress with two large sequences leaves at her waist and a sequence roping around the neck of the dress.

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to MRS. ALICE PRESTON, MR. DAVIS, and MRS. BLACK:  (As Muriel is standing there with a huge smile on her face as she is saying to them in a really gleeful tone of voice):  "I can hardly wait to se what our Escorts would look like!"

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN, MR. DAVIS, and MRS. BLACK:  (As Alice along with the other guests are standing there smiling politely as she is saying to Muriel in a happy tone of voice):  "They'd be perfect gentlemen, I'm sure.  Acme is famous for that!"

We are now seeing Lord Wafflebottom walking up and joining them as they are smiling at him in a state of honour and politeness.

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she has now noticed him and is saying to him in a formal and polite tone of voice as she has a big smile on her kisser):  "Oh, Lord Wafflebottom, may I present Mrs. Allen."

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she is slightly bowing at him with a polite smile on her face as she is saying to him politely):  "How do, you do!"

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she is now politely introducing the second lady guest):  "Mrs. Black!"

MRS. BLACK to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she is also slightly bowing and is saying to him in a polite and respectful tone of voice):  "How do, you do!"

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she is now politely and respectfully introducing the gentleman standing there):  "And, Mr. Davis!"

MR. DAVIS to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As he is standing there in a state of respect as he is now shaking his hand in a state of formal politeness):  "It's a pleasure, delighted!"

As Lord Wafflebottom was being individually introduced to the three guests he gave each of them a bow in respect back.

We are now hearing the door buzzar ringing as we see RIPPINGTON; {GENE ROTH}, the buttler, dressed in a duck-tailed tuxedo professionally answering the door as we now see OUR TWO ESCORTS; {THE LIFES OF THE PARTY}; charging in like a herd of elephants toting their pest fighting gear.  Tom has a huge coil of rope around his neck as he is toting a shovel, hatchet, bit and auger, while Shemp is toting two metal pails, one is filled with bug poisons and the other one has a bug sprayer in it.  He was carrying a large paperboard cylinder and two brooms.

RIPPINGTON to SHEMP and TOM:  (As he is standing there with a really evil look on his face as he is shouting at them in a deep and wicked tone of voice):  "Gentlemen, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh!"

SHEMP to RIPPINGTON the BUTLER:  (As Shemp has now hit him on the head with his brooms and is looking at him with a really mischievous look on his face as he is saying to him in a really sarcastic tone of voice):  "Ooooh, hiya, bub, where are they?"

RIPPINGTON to SHEMP:  (As he is looking at Shemp with a really evil look on his face as he is saying to him in a devious voice):  "Where are which, Sir?"

SHEMP to RIPPINGTON:  (As Shemp is looking at him with a really devilish look on his face as he is waving his fingers at him to and fro like crawling bugs and is saying to him in a devilish voice):  "Oh, you know, the little, chut, chut, chut, chut, chut, chut, chut, chut, chut, chut, chut, chut!"

TOM and SHEMP to RIPPINGTON:  (As they both have devilish looks on their faces as ther are chanting at him in a mischievous tone of voice in unison):  "At Your Service Day And Night, We Get The Critters And Do It Right!  A-C-M-E,  A-C-M-E,  A-C-M-E,  Ruff, Ruff, Ruff!"

We now got a quick glimpse of Mrs. Allen, Mrs. Preston, Mrs, Black, Mr. Davis and Lord Wafflebottom as they are looking at Shemp and Tom with happy looks on their faces. 

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to MR. DAVIS, MRS. PRESTON, MRS. BLACK, and LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she now has a really worried look on her face and is saying to them in a really worried tone of voice):  "Aaaah, College Men!"

We now see Shemp and Tom looking over at Mrs. Allen, and the other guests with looks of madness on their faces as they are still holding their bug catching gear as Shemp has now once again cracked Rippington on the coconut with one of his brooms.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is now looking at the house with a mischievous look on his face as he is saying to Tom in a devious tone of voice):  "We'll start over there!"

SHEMP to RIPPINGTON:  (As Shemp is looking at him with an evil look on his face as he is saying to him in a wicked tone of voice):  "What are you doing, knocking my hat off!"

RIPPINGTON to SHEMP and TOM:  (As Rippington is looking at the two of them with a really mean look on his face as he is stating to them in a really wicked tone of voice):  "Listen you, what are you doing?"

TOM to RIPPINGTON:  (As Tom is handing Rippington his hatchet and bug sprayer is saying to him in a mischievous tone of voice and with with a look of mischief on his face):  "Hold that, for me, will ya?"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to MRS. BLACK, MR. DAVIS and LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she and Mrs. Preston are now going over to see Shemp and Tom as she is saying to them in a very polite tone of voice):  "Pardon!"

LORD WAFFLEBOTTON to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN, and MRS. ALICE PRESTON:  (As he is smiling happily at them and is saying in a polite tone of voice):  "Surely!"

RIPPINGTON to TOM and SHEMP:  (As we see Shemp and Tom happily marching in with their pest catching gear as Rippington has a really panicked look on his face as he is shouting to them in a mean tone of voice):  "Gentlemen, gentlemen!"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to RIPPINGTON:  (As she has now walked up to the three of them with a gleeful look on her face with Mrs. Alice Preston as she is saying to Rippinton in a polite tone of voice):  "It's all right, Rippington, we're expecting them!"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to SHEMP and TOM:  (As she is ooking at them with a really gleeful look on her face as she is now introducing herself to them):  "I'm, Mrs. Arthur Allen!"

TOM to MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN:  (As he is standing there still with his rope around his neck as he has a look of mischief on his face as he is extending his hand in friendship as he is saying to her in a mischievous tone of voice):  "Hello, Arthur, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp now has a mean look on his face as he is slapping Tom's hand and is saying to him in a mad voice):  "Come on!"

RIPPINGTON to SHEMP and TOM:  (As he is looking at them with a polite look on his face as he is politely asking them):  "May I have your things?"

SHEMP to RIPPINGTON:  (As Shemp is looking at him with a look of mischief on his face as he is saying to him in a really mischievous voice as he is now hitting Rippington hard on his ankle with a mallet):  "Why, sure, bud, take the light stuff!"

We now see Mrs. Allen and Mrs. Preston standing there with really hurtful looks on their faces as Rippington is now rubbing his left foot and is shouting in horrible pain as he is now hopping on his right foot while rubbing his sore left one.  Tom has now taken his huge rope coil and has now tossed it onto Rippington's neck.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is standing there with a look of mischief on his face as he saying to Tom in a mischievous tone of voice as he is handing Tom a stogie):  "A ringer Tom, a ringer!"

We now see Mrs. Allen and Mrs. Preston backing up yelling in worry to avoid being hit by Shemp and his two lethal brooms.

We now see Shemp and Tom in states of mischief tossing their light stuff at Rippington as Shemp has now tossed another rope coil over his head.  Shemp has now hit him in the forehead with a brick.  Tom is now mischievously hitting him in the ankles with a trap and bit and auger.  Shemp has now hit him in the stomach with his bug sprayer and Tom has now hit him in the arm with a full pail of stuff, poisons, bricks, mallet, hatchet.  Shemp is joining in, in a full blown state of mischief as he is now dumping pailsful of stuff on his feet as he is now wickedly tossing his two pails and is hitting Rippington in the knees with one and in the coconut with the other.

As Rippington was getting bomb-barded by their pest catching paraphernalia he was hopping up and down and rubbing every square inch of his body as he is yelling loudly in a state of horrible pain and agony.

SHEMP to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN and MRS. ALICE PRESTON:  (As Shemp is now wiping his hands on his tuxedo jacket and is asking her in a full blown state of mischief):  "Now, what, what, goes kid?  Where's the rules?"

We are now getting a glimpse of the poorly well battered Rippington as he is now sitting on the floor in a horrible state of pain and agony as he is now in the process of picking up their 'TOYS'!

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to SHEMP and TOM:  (As she has a look of hurtful madness on her face as she is still using a polite tone of voice as she is saying to them):  "Dinner, will be served presently!"

TOM and SHEMP to ONE ANOTHER:  (As they are now looking at one another with really happy looks on their faces as they are saying to one another in a questionable tone of voice):  "Dinner?"

We now see Tom and Shemp joyfully following Mrs. Allen and Mrs. Preston to the dining room quarters of the house.

MRS. PRESTON to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she is looking at him politely and is using a polite tone of voice as she is thinking that Shemp and Tom are standing by her side):  "Oh, Lord Wafflebottom, may I present?......"

We now see Shemp and Tom marching right past everyone to get a seat at the dining table as Mrs. Preston is now turning to introduce them to Lord Wafflebottom as she has now noticed that they have 'disappeared into thin aire'.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As they are now entering the dining room quarters as they are now looking at the elegantly set dinner table):  "Oh, boy, it looks like a bowling alley!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is looking at him mischievously and is answering back to him in a mischievous voice):  "Yeah, it's all set-up!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is now noticing all of the different types of table ware and is asking Shemp in a questionable tone of voice):  "Hey, Shemp, look at all the silver, what do we do with that?"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is now grabbing a handful of the table ware and is looking around to see if anyone was looking as he was starting to stick in his jacket pocket):  "I'll show you what to do with it!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is in the process of stopping Shemp from pocketing the silver is saying to him in a questionable tone of voice as he has a dazzed look on his face):  "Hey, wait a minute, I bet they use that for eatin', but why so many of them?  I only use a knife!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is standing there with a really mischievous look on his face as he is saying to him in a mischievous voice as he is now picking up the silver from left to right):  "It's a cinch, look at how they're laid out, all you do is start at the far end and work down, that's all!"

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN, MRS. BLACK, and LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she is noticing what Shemp and Tom are doing as she has a look of embarrassment on her face as she is using an embarrassed tone of voice):  "Oh, those college boys, they're having their views and fun!"

As Mrs. Preston was talking to Mrs. Allen, Mrs. Black, and Lord Wafflebottom they were standing there smiling at them in a state of politeness and embarrassment.

MRS. BLACK to MRS. PRESTON:  (As she is looking at her with a dazzed look on her face as she is asking her in a worried and questionable tone of voice):  "Aren't they a little olde for college boys?"

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to MRS. BLACK:  (As she is looking at them in a state of embarrassment as she is saying to her in an embarrassed voice):  "Oh, they're Seniours!"

We now see Mrs. Black, Lord Wafflebottom, and Mrs. Allen laughing politely at Mrs. Alice Preston's statement.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp has now put the silver back as he is pushing Tom's hand back and is saying to him in a scared voice):  "Leave it alone, just the way it was!"

RIPPINGTON to THE DINNER GUESTS:  (As Rippington has now walked out into the living room quarters and has bowed to them as he is saying in a low and serious voice):  "Dinner is served!"

We now see the guests slowly milling over to the dining table as we hear the orchestra playing in the background.

SHEMP to THE DINNER GUESTS:  (As he is standing there with a look of mischief on his face as he is saying to them in a mischievous voice like a Circus Barker):  "Come and get it, it's getting cold, come on!"

LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM to MRS. ALICE PRESTON:  (As he is leaning over to her with a perplexed look on his face as he is asking her in a low and questionable tone of voice):  "My dear, this is my very first trip to America and I want to be sure that my table etiquette is correct, hum, do you think, I should......"

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to LORD WAFFLETON:  (As she is sitting there with a really carrying look on her face as she is saying to him in a carrying tone of voice):  "Oh, I don't think you should worry about it!"

LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM to MRS. ALICE PRESTON:  (As he is looking at her with a sheepish look on his face as he is saying to her in a mischievous voice):  "By jove, I have it.  I just keep my eye on your college friends!"

ETIQUETTE LESSONS START COURTESY OF SHEMP HOWARD:

Mrs. Black is now seated betwixt Tom and Shemp as she now has a really hurt look on her face as does with Mrs. Alice Preston and Lord Wafflebottom as Shemp is now 'huffing' on his silverware and is polishing it off with his serviette.

We are now in the process of seeing the rest of the dinner guests playing 'Monkey See, Monkey Do,' as they are now also huffing on their silverware and polishing it with their serviettes with looks of dumbfoundedness on their faces.

Every one is now sitting around the table as they have looks of wonderment on their faces as are now in the process of eating their soups with little spoons; {Shemp lesson}.

Shemp is now looking over at Tom and is slightly grunting at him as he is pointing his pinkey finger in the aire and is motioning for to do the same thing. We now see Tom smiling at Shemp and winking at him happily.  We are now seeing Lord Wafflebottom with a dazzed look on his face as he is now following suit as he is extending his pinkey finger in the aire.  As Mrs. Preston is smiling at him in a polite and slightly embarrssed way.

SHEMP:  (As he talking to himself is a state of mischief as he in now looking at his tiny spoon and is saying in a mischievous voice as he is now setting the spoon down and is picking up his soup cup by the handles and is drinking from it):  "This ain't gettin' us no place!"

We now see Tom following in suit with Shemp as he to is picking-up his soup cup by the handles and is drinking from it.  We are now seeing the "Fancy Dinner Guest" continuing their 'Monkey See, Monkey Do,' as they are now putting down their tiny spoons and are picking-up their soup cups by the handles as they are now sticking their pinkey fingers in the aire and are now loudly slurping their soups.

SHEMP to MRS. BLACK:  (As Shemp is looking at the horribly upset Mrs. Black as he has now belched loudly and is saying to her in a mischievous tone of voice):  "Must have been a clam!"

Tom is still loudly slurping his soup as Shemp has now picked up an olive and is tossing it in the aire and is catching it with his opened mouth.

SHEMP to MRS. BLACK:  (As Shemp is now in the process of catching his second olive as he is saying to her in a devilish tone of voice and with a look of mischief on his face):  "Try one of these, snap you gums, go ahead, open up and snap your gums!"

We now see Mrs. Black catching a pair of olives that Shemp has tossed with her gums as she is now slightly smiling in glee and fun from doing it.

SHEMP to MRS. BLACK:  (As Shemp is now happily slapping her on her back as he has a mischievous look on his face as he is saying to her in a mischievous tone of voice):  "Oh, you got two, you got two kid, you're all right!"

LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM to MRS. ALICE PRESTON:  (As he has a gleeful look on his face as he is saying in a playful and mischievous tone of voice at the olive fetching game):  "Oh, I missed!"

We are seeing all of the Dinner Guests really having the times of their lives at playing the olive tossing and fetching game.

MR. DAVIS to THE OTHER DINNER GUESTS:  (As he is happily enjoying the olive game as he is saying to them in a happy tone of voice):  "This is ripping, the duck had the sporting chance!"

Here we hear the Dinner Guests laughing politely at his duck joke.

LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM to MRS. ALICE PRESTON:  (As he is having fun with the olives game as he is sitting there with a huge grin on his face as he is saying to her in a jolly tone of voice):  "This is jolly, ehy, what?"

MR. DAVIS to THE OTHER PARTY GUESTS:  (As he is now joyfully enjoying the olive to mouth fetching game is saying in a happy voice):  "By, jove, I missed it!"

We are now on all of the dinner guests as they are now laughing gleefully as they are now having great fun with the olive game.

SHEMP to MRS. BLACK:  (As Shemp is looking at her with a mischievous look on his face as he is saying to her in a state of mischief):  "Take a handful, you can't miss, just open you mouth, you can't miss, see, I caught everyone of them!"

We now see the Dinner Guests acting like kids as they are now laughing with one another and taking handsful of olives and tossing them and catching what they can as ther are now happily repeating the game.

We now see Mrs. Allen tossing up an olive as she doesn't realize how close she is to Lord Wafflebottom's ear as she now accidentally bites it as she is going after the olive.

We now see Lord Wafflebottom grimacing from pain as he is now rubbing his ear as Mrs. Allen is sitting there with a look of panicking fright on her face.

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she is looking at him with a panicked look on her face as she is saying to him in an apologetic voice):  "Ooooh, I'm so, sorry!"

LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As he is now rubbing his ear in pain as he is saying to her in a devious tone of voice as he has devilish as he was a devilment look on his face):  "Oh, think nothing of it, I have another one."

We now see Lord Wafflebottom and Mrs. Muriel Allen laughing mischievously.

We are now seeing Mrs. Alice Preston tossing a few olives as she has now missed fetching them as she is quickly shutting her eyes and has a look of mischief on her face.  Tom, Shemp, and Mr. Davis have now tossed up a large handful of olives as they have looks of bewilderment on their faces as they have now totally missed every last one of them.

END OF ETIQUETTE LESSONS COMPLIMENTS OF SHEMP:

Dinner is now over as the guests are now happily full and have now finished their olive fetching game as we now see them slowly milling out of the dining room quarters and back into the living room quarters as we hear the orchestra playing as some are now engaged in dancing while some others are now engaged in making polite conversation betwixt themselves.

SHEMP to the PICCOLO PLAYER:  (As Shemp in now slowly sauntering up to him as he has now whistled to him in a loud and mischievous way as he is shouting at him in a mischievous voice):  "Swhit, hey buddy, you ain't gonna get any varmits with that tune, you gotta swing it!"

PICCOLO PLAYER to SHEMP:  (As he is now stopping playing his piccolo as he is looking at Shemp with a mad look on his face as he is saying to Shemp in a mad tone of voice):  "I beg your pardon?"

SHEMP to the PICCOLO PLAYER:  (As Shemp and Tom are standing there looking at him with dazzed looks on their faces as Shemp is saying to him in a full blown sarcastic voice):  "You don't dig me, hot lips, zoot!"

We now see Shemp with a really evil look on his face as he has now grabbed the piccolo from the gentleman's hands as he is now in the process of playing a hot tune on it to attrack some varmits.

As Shemp is now in the process of playing Revelry we now see a giant rat coming out from underneath a huge armwar cabinet.  The more Shemp played the more varmits he is calling out from hiding.

As we are now seeing all sizes of mice and rats coming out rom their hiding places we now see the guests with horrified looks of panic on their faces as they are now shouting loudly in a state of fear and panic.  They are now scattering in all directions in panic.

We now see Mrs. Arthur and Lord Wafflebottom screaming and running in a state of panic as they have now clunked foreheads, trying to get on top of a table to get away from the varmits.

LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM to MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN:  (As he is looking at her in a totally freaked out to the enth-degree look of pani as he is saying to her in a panicking tone of voice):  "After you, Madame!"

We now see both Mrs. Arthur Allen and Lord Wafflebottom standing on a little table as they have horrified looks of fear on their faces as they are now clinging onto one another in panic.

LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM to MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN:  (As he is still on the table holding onto her in fear as he is saying in a panicking tone of voice):  "Oh, there's one!"

We are now seeing both the guests and the varmits scattering in all directions in fear as the guests are shouting loudly as the are now panicking out big time.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is looking at him with a devilish look on his face as he is stating to Tom in a mischievous voice):  "Let's forget the society stuff, and go to work!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom is now looking back at Shemp with a sheepish look on his face as he is saying to Shemp in a low and mischievous voice):  "Right!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is pointing a finger at him in a state of madness as he is shouting to Tom in a worried tone of voice):  "You take the termites, I'll take the varmits!"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tome is standing there with a blank look on his face as he is saying to Shemp in a blank tone of voice):  "Right!"

Shemp and Tom are now chanting their work slogan in unison before they are commencing to work:  "At Your Service Day Or Night, We Get The Critters, And Do It Right!  A-C-M-E,  A-C-M-E,  A-C-M-E,  Ruff, Ruff, Ruff!"

We now see Tom and Shemp colliding into one another as they are now going into opposite directions to complete their work assignments.  Tom is now grabbing Shemp by the scuff of his neck as he is dragging Shemp into the entrance way quarters of the house.

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp now has a look of worry on his face as he is saying to Tome in a worried tone of voice):  "All right, let go of me, what are you doing?"

TOM to SHEMP:  (As Tom has now successfully dragged Shemp into the entrance way quarters of the house as he has a sheepish look on his face as Tom is saying to Shemp in a blank voice):  "Right there, there's the tools!"

SHEMP to TOM:  (As Shemp is now bending over and picking up the tools with a look of mischief on his face as he is saying to Tom in a mischievous tone of voice):  "Oh, let's get busy!"

We now see Shemp picking-up a coil of rope and a couple of brooms as Tom has a stethoscope, a bit and auger as they are now on the way to work.

We are now back on Mrs. Arthur Allen and Lord Wafflebottom as the two of them are still standing on their little table clinging to one another with horrified looks of fear and panic on their faces as we are now seeing Lord Wafflebottom bombing the varmits with grapes.

MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she is still clinging in his arms and on the table in a horrible freaked out manner is shouting to him in a panicking tone of voice about the grape bombs):  "Well, don't feed them, kill them!"

LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As he has a look of panic on his face as he is using a panicking tone of voice as he taking off a shoe and is throwing it at the varmits):  "Oh, believe you're right!"

We are now getting another quick glimpse of the freaking out guests running in all directions and screaming at the top of their lungs in panic.

TOM to HIMSELF:  (As he now listening to a wall with his stethoscope as he is saying to himself out loud):  "Termites, there's millions of them!"

We now see Tom lifting up an oil art work as he is now hitting himself in the head with it as he is now in the process of drilling a hole in the wall to insert his bug juice.

We are now getting a quick glimpse of Shemp as we see him with a wicked look on his face as he is now tossing his two brooms to the other side of the room as he is now taking his rope coil and is running it underneath a toss rug in the bedroom quarters as he is now stringing it up.

TOM to HIMSELF:  (As he has now found a good sopt in the wall as he is saying to himself in a mischievous voice):  "Aaaah, oh boy, good huntin'!"

MR. DAVIS to MRS. BLACK:  (As we are seeing her with a really panicking look on her face as he is now taking a hold of her hand and is saying to her in a really carrying tone of voice):  "Don't worry, dear, be calm, the excitement is all over!"

MRS. BLACK to MR. DAVIS:  (As she is looking around still with a horrified look of fear on her face as she is saying to him in a low and trembling tone of voice):  "Good, I hope so!"

We now see Mr. Davis with his eyes bugging out of his head as he is now discovering that the excitement is not over as he has a really freaked out look on his face as he is now grabbing his back in pain and yelling loudly in pain, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, as he is being drilled by Tom and his drill bit.

We now hear both Mrs. Black and Mr. Davis yelling yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, in horrified fear and panic as they are seeing the drilling bit coming through the wall.

MR. DAVIS to MRS. BLACK:  (As the two of them have now calmed down a tad as he is looking at the hole and is saying to her ina calm voice):  "Haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, haaaha, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh!"

We now see Mrs. Black standing there with a really freaked out look on her face as Mr. Davis is still looking at the hole as he is now in the process of being squirted in the kisser by Tom and his bug juice.

We are now back in the bed room quarters where we see Shemp bent over and picking-up one of his brooms and is spitting on his hands to get a better grip of it as he is now commencing to beat the rug with it as we now see Mrs. Alice Preston walking in with a really mean look on her face as she has now noticed the rug on the rope.

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to RIPPINGTON:  (As she is standing on the other side of the rug with a worried look on her face as she is screaming in a loud voice):  "R-I-P-P-I-N-G-T-O-N!"

We see see Shemp giving the rug the beating of it's life not knowing at the time that Mrs. Preston was standing on the other side of the rug.  We now hear Mrs. Preston letting out a horrible howl of pain as she is now rubbing her keester in pain.  We now see Shemp on the other side of the rug flinching from fear.

We now see Mrs. Alice Preston going to her right as Shemp went to his left to try and find one another as the two of them are now on the opposite sides of the rug as she is standing there with a wicked look on her face as Shemp has a wicked look on his face as he is now for the second time beating the rug within an inch of it's life as well as Mrs. Preston and her keester.  It is the second round that we are seeing Mrs. Alice Preston standing there yelling yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, at the top of her lungs in fear as she now has a look of panic on her as she got her keester smucked for the second time.

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to RIPPINGTON:  (As she is standing there with her eyes bugging out of her head in fear as she is yelling at the top of her lungs in panic):  "Yeowh!  R-I-P-P-I-N-G-T-O-N!!!!!!!!"

We now are now commencing round three of the Shemp and Mrs. Alice Preston and their rug caper as she is now back in her starting spot as well with Shemp.  She is standing there with a really horrifed look of fear on her face as Shemp is back in his starting location with a look of mischief on his face.

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to RIPPINGTON:  (As she is standing there petrified to the enth-degree as she is shouting out in a loud and panicking tone of voice):  "R-I-P-P-I-N-G-T-O-N;  R-I-P-P-I-N-G-T-O-N; take this rug down!"

We now see Rippington running into the bed room quarters at a fast clip as he has a look of fear and panic on his face.

RIPPINGTON to MRS. ALICE PRESTON:  (As he is bowing to her in respect as he is saying to her in a professional tone of voice):  "Yes, Madame!"

We are now on Shemp as he has no idea what is taking place on the other side of the rug is standing there with a really demented look on his face as he is now taking his broom and is hitting the rug a good one for the fourth time as is is now Rippington's turn to get smacked in the keester.

We now hear Rippington yelling loudly in pain, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, as he is now turning around and is giving the rug an evil look as we now see Mrs. Preston going to the other side of the rug as she is now discovering Shemp and is looking at him with a wicked look.

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to SHEMP:  (As she is standing there looking at him with an evil look and is shouting wickedly at him):  "You, how dare you, beat rugs in this house!!!!!'

SHEMP to MRS. ALICE PRESTON:  (As Shemp has now tossed his broom down on the floor as he is waving his hand at her evily as he is saying to her in a demented voice):  "Lady, this may be your house and it may be your rug, but you can't tell ACME how to beat it!"

We are now see Rippington standing on the other side of the rug with a really demented look on his face as he is now hearing Shemp's voice.  He is now giving the rug a good swift kick as he is thinking that he is getting Shemp's keester as he is in reality once again getting Mrs. Preston's keester.

We now see Mrs. Preston loosing her balance as she is now shoving herself along with Shemp into a chair.

SHEMP to MRS. ALICE PRESTON:  (As Shemp is sitting there with goo-goo eyes as he is saying to her in a low and mischievous voice):  "Why, lady, this is kinda sudden!!!!"

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to SHEMP:  (As she is sitting on his lap with a really evil look on her face as she is pounding the day lights out of him with her fists as she is shouting at him wickedly):  "How dare you, you, you!"

SHEMP to MRS. ALICE PRESTON:  (As Shemp is sitting there with a really hurtful look on his face as he is now shoving her away as he is yelling at her in a wicked voice):  "Cut it out, cut it out!"

We are now back out in the living room quarters with Lord Wafflebottom and Mrs. Arthur Alllen as the two of them are standing there with looks of worrry on their faces.

MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she is now standing there with a really worried look on her face as she is saying to him in a mad tone of voice):  "This is terrible, if only Arthur hadn't gone fishing!"

LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM to MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As he is now standing there with a really demented look on his face as he is using a tone of voice like he is being electrocuted as he is being drilled in his keester by Tom):  "Arthur, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur?!"

MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she is looking at him with a really worried look on her face as she is saying to him in a carrying tone of voice as she is not knowing about him being drilled):  "Well, my husband!"

LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM to MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN:  (As he is once again supporting a panicking look on his face as he is now once again using a voice like he is still being electrocuted as he is now getting sprayed down his pants by Tom and his bug spray):  "Oh, yes of course, your husband, your husb......, your husb......, your husb......, your husband, hemph!"

We now see Muriel Allen standing there with a worried look on her face as we are now seeing Lord Wafflebottom turning around in a state of panic as he is now noticing what was shocking him out as he is now being sprayed in the face by Tom and his bug gun.

We now see Lord Wafflebottom looking through the hole with his monocle on at the same time Tom is on the other side of the wall as Tom is standing up in a state of fear.

TOM to HIMSELF:  (As he is now talking to himself in a state of panic stating):  "Oh, my gosh, the termites got glass eyes!"

We now see Tom giving one huge final spray of bug juice through the hole as he is now totally saturating Lord Wafflebottom with his bug spray.

Lord Wafflebottom is now standing up thoroughly disgusted to the enth-degree as he is now frantically wiping bug jiice off of his face.

MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she is now standing there with a petrified look of fear on her face as she is saying to him in a really painful voice):  "Oh, oh, this is terrible, I won't stand another moment, I'm going to call ACME immediately."

We now see Lord Wafflebottom standing next to Mrs. Arthur Allen with a really mad look on his face as he is now brushing off his tuxedo jacket as she is now in the process of telephoning ACME with a really demented look on her face.

MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As she has a really sad look on her face as she is saying to him in a really sad voice as she is hanging up the telephone receiver):  "Oh, the line is busy!"

We are now back on the other side of wall with "DOCTOR" Tom and his stethoscope as he is picking-up the busy signal from the telephone and is thinking that it is more termites.

TOM to HIMSELF:  (As he is now once again talking to himself in a really quizzical voice and a look of bewilderment on his face):  "A whole nest of them!"

Here we go once again, with "DOCTOR" Tom as he is now once again standing on the other side of the wall with a really evil look on his face as he is now in the process of drilling another hole in the wall thinking that he has now stumbled upon a huge termites nest.

We are now on the side of the wall with Mrs. Arthur Allen and Lord Wafflebottom where we see her yelling yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, yeowh, loudly in a state of panic as she is now getting her keester drilled as she is now grabbing Lord Wafflebottom out of panic as he is standing there holding onto her with a really worried look on his face.

As Mrs. Allen is now holding onto Lord Wafflebottom out of panic we now see her husband running in dressed in his fishing ware as he is running up to her in a really mad state.

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to HIS WIFE:  (As he is now noticing her hugging Lord Wafflebottom not knowing the entire story is yelling at her in a loud and evil voice):  "So!  The minute my back is turned!!!!!"

MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN to HER HUSBAND:  (As she is standing there with a really panicking look on her face as she is saying to him in a panicking voice):  "But, Arthur, you don't understand!!!!!!!"

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to HIS WIFE:  (As he is looking at her with a really wicked look on his face as he is using a wicked voice):  "It's too late to apologize!"

MRS. MURIEL ALLEN to HER HUSBAND:  (As she is looking at him with a frantic look on her face as she is saying to him in a rapid and frantic voice):  "Let me tell you, something bit me!!!!!!"

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to HIS WIFE:  (As he is standing there looking at her with a really worried look on his face as he is saying to her in a carrying voice):  "Bit you?"

MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN to HER HUSBAND:  (As she has a really mad look on her face as she is saying to him in a really wicked voice):  "Y-E-S!"

MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN to HIS WIFE:  (As he has a look of bewilderment on his face as he is saying to her in a sarcastic voice):  "A likely story!!!!!"

We are now seeing "DOCTOR BUG CRAZY" as he is now in the process of wickedly drilling his third hole through the wall as it is now time for Mr. Allen to get his keester drilled.  Mr. Allen out of reflex is now leaping into the arms of Lord Wafflebottom.

We now see Mr. Allen getting out of Lord Wafflebottom's arms quickly as he has now noticed the drill bit along with Lord Wafflebottom as the two of them are now grabbing a couple of glass wine bottles, and is wickedly and at a fast pace going to the other side of the wall as Tom is whistling happy about his "accomplishments" as he has now noticed the two dementd gentlemen chasing after him with the bottles in a really demented state.

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to TOM:  (As he is now totally dementd out as he is chasing Tom and is shouting at him in a demented voice):  "So!  It was you!!!!"

We now see half of the guests chasing wickedly after Shemp from the dining room quarters as Mr. and Mrs. Allen along with Lord Wafflebottom are now chasing Tom from the living room quarters as they now meet in th hallway and everybody is now shouting evily at one another.

MR. ARTHUR ALLEN to TOM:  (As he is now in a really demented state as he is now taking the wine bottle and thinks he has now hit Tom on the head shouts wickedly):  "I'll fix you, I'll fix you!!!!!!"

We now see Shemp and Tom standing there laughing hysterically as we are now discovering that Mr. Allen had unintentionally hit Rippington over the head with the wine bottle instead.

We now see Rippington in a demented state hitting Shemp over the head with a humongeous sized vase as Lord Wafflebottom also in a demented state has now wickedly hit Tom over the head with his wine bottle.

We are now seeing Shemp and Tom trying desperately to make a mad dash for their lives as ther are being evily chased by the very mad and demented bunch of dinner guests toting brooms, pails and mallets.  As we are still hearing Mr. Allen shouting loudly and demetedly:  "I'll fix you, I'll fix you!"

We are now back in the bed room quarters where we are see Shemp, Tom, Mr. Allen, and Lord Wafflebottom taking cover underneath the toss rug,

We are now seeing the really demented out Mrs. Alice Preston and Mrs. Arthur Allen with brooms in their hands as they are now dementedly beating on the rug thinking that they are now creamating the stuffings out of Shemp and Tom.  Rippington is also standing there in a demented state as he is wickedly kicking Tom and Shemp in demented madness.

MRS. ALICE PRESTON and MRS. MURIEL ALLEN:  (As they are now shouting in a really demented voice as they are wickedly beating the rug with their brooms as they are shouting wickedly in unison still thinking they are getting Shemp and Tom):  "Get out, don't you ever, ever come back again!"

RIPPINGTON to MRS. ALICE PRESTON:  (As he is taking the broom from her as he has a really wicked look on his face as he is saying to them in a low and evil voice):  "Let me get them, let me get them!"

We now see the two demented sisters now finishing their rug beatings as the are now pulling back the rug hoping to find Shemp and Tom creamated to death, but instead they are now discovering that they have creamated the day lights out of Lord Wafflebottom and Mr. Allen.

MRS. ALLEN TO WHO SHE THINKS IS SHEMP:  (Is now pulling on him in a really demented state as she is shouting to him in a really wicked voice):  "Get up, get up!!!!!"

MRS. ARTHUR ALLEN to LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM:  (As he is stiing on the floor with a really beaten look on his face as she is looking at him with a really hurtful look on her face as she is saying to him apologetically):  "Aaaah, oh, dear, Lord Wafflebottom!"

MRS. ALICE PRESTON to MR. ALLEN:  (As she is now looking at him with a really hurtful look as she is saying to him apologetically):  "Mr. Allen, I'm sorry!!!!"

SHORT ENDS:

We now see Shemp and Tom who are now slightly beaten as they are now noticing the very mad bunch of guests as they have really scared looks on their faces as they are now high tailing for their lives.

MRS. PRESTON, MRS. ALLEN, MR. ALLEN, RIPPINGTON, and LORD WAFFLEBOTTOM to SHEMP and TOM:  (As all of them are now wickedly looking at them and are pointing fingers at them as they are shouting evily to Shemp and Tom):  "There they are, get them, get them!!!!"

SHORT FADES OUT:

This truly perfect short is now fading out where we are now seeing Shemp and Tom stumbling over a chair as they were trying to make their get-away as they are now being trapped in a corner as the very demented bunch of guests are now wickedly beating them with brooms.





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