Mousie Garner (Autobiography of a Vaudeville Stooge)
This website is made possible, in part, by displaying a few online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker for this site.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker for this site.
Transcribed By: Stooge
Date Added: 2003-07-15
A PLUMBING WE WILL GO
[ The short opens inside of a courtroom where a trial is taking place. The prosecutor is standing in front of the judge. ]
PROSECUTOR: Your honor, these men should receive the maximum punishment. Their guilt is proved by the evidence, and by their evasive attitude. [ turns over to the Stooges off-camera ] Just look at them!
[ The camera pans over to the Stooges next to the judges stand. Moe is sitting in between Curly and Larry, and Curly and Larry are sitting on Moe’s lap like dummies, staring off into blank space ]
PROSECUTOR: Remember, you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Now were you or were you not on the night of June the 13th in Mrs. Throttlebottom’s chicken coop?
[ Moe moves Curly’s head up ]
CURLY: Soitenly not! I was in the house!
PROSECUTOR: What house?
LARRY: The dog house!
CURLY: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
[ Moe bumps Curly and Larry’s heads together ]
CURLY: OOH!
[ Curly and Larry go back to staring off into blank space ]
JUDGE: Mr. Prosecutor, you have not proved that those men were actually in that chicken coop. Your evidence is purely circumstantial and insufficient to warrant a conviction.
CURLY: [ whispering to Moe ] What’s he talkin’ about?
MOE: [ whispering ] Quiet! He means we ain’t guilty!
CURLY: Oh, boy!
[ Curly takes out his hat; chicken feathers fly out of it, and onto him and the cop standing next to him ] Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk... [ noticing the feathers ] NYUUU-UUUU- UUUH!
[ As Moe and Larry brush the feathers off of Curly hoping the judge didn’t notice, Curly picks the feathers off of the cop and puts them on his own head ]
CURLY: Dandruff!
JUDGE: [ to the cop ] And in the future, Officer Kelly, don’t come cluttering up this courtroom with flimsy charges against law-abiding citizens! Case dismissed.
CURLY: [ waving his arm at Officer Kelly ] Hmm!
[ Moe pushes Curly out of the way and snaps his finger at Officer Kelly, then walks away. Larry does the same. Curly tries to do the same, but his finger doesn’t make a snap sound. Curly turns his back on Officer Kelly and rattles his hand close to his ear. He hears the sound of dice rattling then a snap. He walks back up to Officer Kelly and tries to snap his finger but it again makes no sound. As he turns his back on Officer Kelly again to rattle his hand close to his ear, Kelly kicks him in the behind. ]
CURLY: NYUU-UUH! [ runs away ]
[ Dissolve to the Stooges standing outside in front of a store; Moe is reeling a fishing pole off- camera, Curly and Larry are standing behind him ]
[ Curly tries to grab Moe’s fishing pole, but Moe angrily slaps his hand away. He looks back at Larry behind him and they both jump in shock. Something suddenly snags on the end of Moe’s fishing line and he begins to reel it in. Camera pans farther back and we see that Moe is actually fishing in a fish tank outside a pet shop. ]
[ Cut over to Officer Kelly walking down the street across from the Stooges, then looking over at the Stooges off-camera ]
[ Cut back over to the Stooges, where Moe has reeled in the fish and Curly holds a net for Moe to put it in ]
CURLY: Hmm! A “barra-cutie”! And what a cutie! [ cuts the end of the end of the fishing line so the fish can fall in the net, then he puts the fish in a basket that Larry is holding. ]
[ Cut to Officer Kelly running off-camera towards the Stooges ]
CURLY: [ to Moe ] Now go get me a freckled trout!
[ Moe casts the fishing line back in the tank; he then looks off-camera and sees somebody coming ]
MOE: Jiggers!
[ The Stooges back up against the store ]
[ Curly reaches behind him and feels a dummy dressed up as a cop. When he feels the badge, he thinks it’s a real cop ]
CURLY: NYAAA-AAA-AAAH! [ turns behind him and realizes that it’s a dummy ] Oh! A cop, eh? [ punches the dummy in the stomach, then pushes it backwards, but it bounces back forward and bumps into him, knocking his hat off ] OOH! Hmm! Pushin’ people, huh? [ holding his left fist up ] Ya see that? [ punches the dummy with his right first, then tears it’s tie off ] [ bends over towards Moe and Larry to pick up his hat ] Ya know, all my life I wanted to sock a cop -– right in the nose!
[ As Curly picks up his hat, Officer Kelly walks up behind Curly ]
CURLY: Watch this one. [ holds his left fist up to the “dummy cop” ] Ya see that? -- Oh, I showed ya that one before.
[ Moe and Larry curiously look towards Curly and jump in shock when they notice Officer Kelly standing right there, but Curly continues to think that it’s a dummy ]
CURLY: Well, I got another one!
[ Curly turns Officer Kelly’s head to the left, but Kelly angrily turns his head right back. Curly tries to turn his head again, followed by Kelly punching Curly in the face ]
CURLY: WHOA! [ running away ] YUU-UUU-UUUH!
[ The Stooges dash away from Officer Kelly ]
OFFICER KELLY: [ beginning to run after the Stooges ] Come back here, you! Come here!
[ Various curious passer-bys walk into the scene and stand in Officer Kelly’s way ]
OFFICER KELLY: [ pushing them away ] Get outta the way, will ya?!
[ Cut to a magician holding an act in front of many people. He’s standing in front of an open cabinet with a woman inside ]
MAGICIAN: Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Step right up, folks! As you can see, the little lady is in this cabinet! I shall now close the door...[ closes the cabinet door ] and, crossing to the other cabinet...[ walks over to the next cabinet ] I shall fire the magic gun... [ fires his gun in the air ] and what have we in here? [ opens the second cabinet, revealing Curly inside, talking with the woman ] The little lady!
[ The audience begins laughing; the magician does a double- take when he sees Curly ]
CURLY: Hey, this is private! [ waves his arm at the magician and audience ] Hmm! [ closes the cabinet door ]
MAGICIAN: [ laughs nervously ] Well...the little lady seems to have picked up a boyfriend on the way. Well, I’ll take him away from her. Again, firing the magic shot! [ shoots his gun in the air ]
[ Cut to Officer Kelly searching through the magician’s audience for the Stooges ]
MAGICIAN: [ off-camera ] We have now in here...
[ Cut back to the magician opening the cabinet, revealing all three Stooges inside of it, in the middle of an argument with each other. The audience laughs. ]
CURLY: [ to Moe ] Don’t tell me!
LARRY: This is the safest place!
MOE: [ to Curly ] Shutup, there’s no room for an argument in here!
OFFICER KELLY: OH! There you are! [ shoving through the people in the audience ] Let me through here!
ALL STOOGES: NYAAA-AAA-AAAAH! [ close the cabinet door ]
[ Officer Kelly walks up on the magician’s stage and tries to open the cabinet door ]
OFFICER KELLY: Open up, you guys! You’re under arrest! C’mon!
[ Briefly cut to the Stooges sneaking out from under the stage, then running away ]
MAGICIAN: Say, what is this?! I pay a license so I can stand out here in the street and sell my wares!
[ Officer Kelly pushes the angry magician out of the way as he leaves the stage ]
[ Cut to the Stooges running up to a truck that says “CASEY THE PLUMBER” on the side; Moe bumps into the open door of the truck, causing Curly and Larry to bump into him ]
MOE: OOH! [ looks off-camera to see if Officer Kelly is following them ] Quick, get in the back of the truck!
[ Curly and Larry run off-camera to the back of the truck; Moe jumps inside the driver’s side of the truck and slams the door, then drives the truck away. ]
[ Cut to long shot of the truck as Officer Kelly runs after it and jumps on the cart attached to the back of the truck. Curly and Larry try to get him away ]
CURLY: RUFF! RUFF!
LARRY: [ to Curly, while pointing to a string tied to the cart ] Let it go!
[ Curly pulls out the string, causing the cart to detach from the back of the truck ]
CURLY: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
[ The cart with Officer Kelly in it begins riding out-of- control down the road ]
OFFICER KELLY: [ trying to grab for help ] OHH! AAAH! AAH! OOH!
[ The cart rolls up to and crashes into a tub of wet cement, causing Officer Kelly to fall down in it ]
OFFICER KELLY: [ trying to get up ] OH! What the...?! What is...?!
[ Dissolve over to the Stooges in the “CASEY THE PLUMBER” truck driving in front of a mansion, where a butler waits outside. Moe stops the truck suddenly, causing Curly and Larry to fall out from back of the truck and into the ground ]
CURLY: [ yelling at Moe off-camera ] Hey, why don’t you call your stops?!
[ Moe walks up to Curly and Larry ]
MOE: [ looking around the area ] Well, this is far enough, I guess!
[ The butler walks up behind the Stooges ]
LARRY: Where are we?
CURLY: What do you care? As long as we’re not in jail!
BUTLER: Hey!
[ The Stooges get startled, thinking it’s Officer Kelly, and they raise their arms in the air ]
CURLY: NYUH!
BUTLER: I called you plumbers an hour ago!
[ The Stooges lower their arms as they see that it’s only a butler ]
BUTLER: Now get in the house and fix that leak before it gets any worse.
CURLY: Who told you we’re plumbers?! [ to Moe and Larry ] How do ya like that guy?
[ The Stooges suddenly look off-camera in shock ]
[ Briefly cut to Officer Kelly nearby, riding a bike and looking around the area for the Stooges ]
CURLY: NYAAA-AAAA-AAAAH! We’re plumbers!
[ The Stooges quickly grab some plumbing tools from the back of the truck ]
MOE: Three of the best plumbers that ever “plumbed” a “plum”!
[ Curly holds a bag of pipes over his shoulder, then turns around, causing the pipes to bang into the butler’s head. The butler holds his head in pain and staggers off-camera as the Stooges run towards the door of the mansion ]
CURLY: WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!
[ Dissolve to inside the mansion where the Stooges and butler have just entered ]
MOE: Pretty nice joint you got here. Where’s the leak, boy?
BUTLER: In the basement.
LARRY: Where’s the basement?
CURLY: Upstairs!
MOE: Up to the basement! [ runs off-camera ]
LARRY: To the basement! [ runs off-camera ]
CURLY: To the basement!
[ As Curly runs off-camera, his bag of pipes accidentally knock over a nearby vase, but the butler catches it. We then hear a loud crash off-camera and the butler grimaces in anger ]
[ Cut to the Stooges entering the basement, then running around in circles ]
MOE: To the basement! To the basement!
LARRY: To the basement!
CURLY: To the basement!
MOE: In the basement!
CURLY: Up to the basement!
LARRY: To the basement!
CURLY: Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
MOE: To the basement!
CURLY: To the basement! [ noticing the leak ] Hey, here it is!
[ Moe and Larry run over to him ]
MOE: Okay! On your toes, men!
[ Curly drops his toolbag on Moe’s foot ]
MOE: OH! Not my toes! [ to Larry ] What do you know about plumbin’?
LARRY: Nuttin’!
MOE: That’s fine! Gimme a hand.
[ Larry holds out an open hand ]
MOE: [ slaps Larry ] Get out, you! I’ll...
CURLY: [ looking at the leak ] A simple job for simple people!
LARRY: How can ya fix it while it’s leakin’?
MOE: I wonder where you shut the water off.
CURLY: I got an idea!
MOE: What is it?
CURLY: [ shaking a finger up and down in front of Moe’s face, causing Moe to shake his head up and down ] Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water! That’s it. [ shakes his head up and down in unison with Moe ]
MOE: That’s what?
CURLY: Water always runs downhill.
MOE: On your way.
CURLY: Where?
MOE: Up the hill and shut off the water.
CURLY: [ shaking his head really fast, causing Moe to do the same ] O-o-o-o-o-o-okay! [ walks off-camera ]
MOE: [ to Larry ] Get me a wrench for the pipe. [ takes off his suit coat ]
[ Larry hands Moe the wrench; Moe takes it and begins tightening the leak pipe above with it ]
MOE: Give it a tap and get things started.
[ Larry taps the pipe very lightly with a hammer ]
MOE: What’s the matter, “Muscles”, ya weak? Hit it!
[ Larry reaches the hammer back and swings it forward forcefully, but the back of the hammer pokes a hole through a big pipe behind him, causing smoke to come out the hole. Larry looks up and notices this. ]
MOE: [ sniffing ] Hey, you smokin’?
LARRY: No, but the pipe is!
[ Moe look up and jumps in shock when he sees the smoke coming out of the pipe ]
MOE: Why, ya lamebrain! You wanna get us suffocated?! Put some tape on it!
LARRY: We forgot the tape!
MOE: Well, we had to forget somethin’, or we wouldn’t be plumbers! Go on! Find somethin’ to wrap around it!
[ Larry looks at Moe angrily, then leaves ]
[ Moe reaches up and touches the smoke pipe and burns his hand on it ]
MOE: OWW!! OHH!!! [ blows on his hand to cool it down ]
[ Larry walks back on-camera, with a girdle in his hand ]
LARRY: Hey, look! A straightjacket.
MOE: [ angrily puts his hands on his hips ] Where did you get that?!
LARRY: Found it in the trunk.
MOE: Oh! Well, get it up there!
[ Moe and Larry wrap the “straitjacket” around the big pipe ]
MOE: Well, boy. Perfect 36! Hook it up!
[ They tie the strings on the girdle to the pipe. Moe grabs two stretchable handles on the end of the girdle ]
MOE: What do ya do with these?
LARRY: You swing on ‘em, you know? [ begins swinging on the handles ] Like a...
MOE: [ about to punch Larry ] Don’t you... [ stops ]
[ Cut to Curly walking up to a door. He presses his head against the door and hears water running, so he opens the door, which happens to be a bathroom, and walks inside. ]
[ Inside the bathroom, Curly puts his toolbag down and walks up to the shower curtains, where somebody is taking a shower behind. He knocks on the curtains like it’s a door, then bends down when nobody answers. ]
CURLY: Anybody at home?
[ A man wearing a monocle peeks his head out from the top of the curtains ]
MAN IN SHOWER: [ with british accent ] I say there!
CURLY: [ looking up ] Oh, you got an upper, eh?
MAN IN SHOWER: I bet your pardon!
CURLY: Why? What’d you do?
MAN IN SHOWER: I’m taking a bawth!
CURLY: Takin’ a bath?
MAN IN SHOWER: A bawth!
CURLY: Bawth, bath, bawth...you’d better get outta here! I’m gonna shut off this water! [ opens the curtains all the way, revealing the man wearing a towel over his lower body ] Now get outta here!
[ The man hastily steps out of the shower and walks towards the door ]
CURLY: RUFF!!
[ The man leaves ]
CURLY: Left over from New Year’s, eh? Ha, ha! [ turns the shower faucet all the way off, but water still comes out of the shower head ] Hmm! Stubborn, eh?! [ takes a wrench out and twists the water faucet ] Hmm! [ the faucet falls off and water flows out of the faucet hole ] Nyuuh! [ holds his hand over the faucet hole, stopping the water ] Ha, ha! [ releases his hand from the hole as he looks around him; then looks back at the faucet hole and realizes that the water has stopped ] Oh! [ holds his face closer to the hole, and the water suddenly comes back out and splashes his face ] Grr! [ presses his hat against the hole, stopping the water; after a few seconds, he removes the hat from the hole and the water splashes his face again ] OOH! RUFF! [ throws down his hat and slaps his face in anger ] [ sits down on the side of the tub and the water splashes on his behind ] Haah! [ puts his hand on his shoulder and thinks ]
[ Cut back down to Moe and Larry at the basement ]
MOE: [ looking at the leak ] I wonder why that egghead don’t shut that water off!
[ Larry looks behind him and notices a diving rod ]
LARRY: [ picks up the diving rod ] Hey, I saw a guy shut the water off once in the front yard.
MOE: When I want your advice, I’ll ask for it! [ pause ] Hey, go out in the front yard and shut the water off!
[ Larry holds the diving rod over his shoulder and walks towards the staircase. The rod gets caught in between the back of Moe’s suspenders and Larry unknowingly stretches the suspenders further and further as he tries to walks toward the stairs ]
MOE: Hey, what’s goin’ on here?!
[ Larry tries harder and harder to pull the diving rod ]
MOE: HEY! HEY! Turn me loose!!
[ Larry looks behind him and releases the diving rod in shock when he notices he’s stretching Moe’s suspenders. The suspenders snap back in place but pull the diving rod along with it and causes it to hit the back of Moe’s head, sending him crashing forward into the furnace ]
[ Larry runs towards the staircase in a hurry but accidentally bumps into the walls ]
MOE: [ picking up the diving rod ] Why you!! [ runs at Larry ]
LARRY: WHOA! [ runs up the staircase ]
[ Cut to Curly in the bathroom; He’s screwing a pipe to the faucet hole, not noticing yet that the water is coming through the pipe ]
CURLY: Nyuk, nyuk... [ notices the water coming through the pipe ] Hmm!
[ Curly screws another pipe onto the first pipe, but the water comes through that as well ]
CURLY: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk... [ notices the water coming through the second pipe ] NYUUU-UUU-UUUH! Hmm! [ screws a third pipe to the second pipe ] Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk... [ notices the water coming through there ] NYAAA-AAAAH! Hmm! [ begins screwing on a fourth pipe ]
[ Cut to Larry outside the mansion, digging a hole in the ground ]
[ Cut to a chef in the kitchen washing his hands in the sink ]
[ Cut to Moe in the basement twisting a pipe around. This causes the sink faucet in the kitchen to twist to the other side as well. The chef watches in surprise. As he tries to grab the faucet, it begins turning up and down. The chef grabs the faucet and pulls it out of the wall, causing water to leak out of the faucet hole. Back inside the basement, Moe accidentally pulls the two pipes apart ]
MOE: WHOA!
[ Back in the kitchen, the water stops leaking out of the faucet hole. The chef puts his face up to the hole in curiosity. Moe then begins re-attaches the two pipes, causing the water to spray out of the kitchen faucet hole again and into the chef’s face. The water stops coming out of the hole and chef holds his face up to it again. Moe finishes re-attaching the pipes, and the water sprays chef in the face again ]
[ Cut back to Curly in the bathroom. He’s now surrounded by a huge maze of pipes connected to the faucet hole, and has just finished connecting the last pipe ]
CURLY: Nyuk, nyuk! I got it! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
[ Water suddenly sprays out of the last pipe ]
CURLY: NYUU-UUU-UUUUH! [ looks around and notices that there’s no way for him to get out ] NYAAA-AAAAH! HEY, MOE! HEY, LARRY!! I’M-I’M-I’M SURROUNDED!!! [ tries to lift the maze of pipes up, but fails ] Uhhh! [ looks down and notices a hand-drill next to him ] Oh! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! [ picks up the drill ] I GOTTA GET THIS WATER OUT!!! [ begins drilling a hole in the floor and accidentally hits his leg with his hand ] OOH! [ hits himself in the leg again ] OOH! [ hits himself again ] OOH! [ moves his leg out of the way and continues drilling ]
[ Cut back to Larry in the middle of digging a hole outside the mansion. He’s several feet underground now. The butler runs over to him. ]
BUTLER: Stop it! Stop it! You’re ruining the lawn!
LARRY: [ stops digging ] Don’t tell me how to run my business! Beat it! [ continues digging ]
BUTLER: Put that sod back where it belongs!
[ Larry throws a big sod piece behind him with the shovel and hits the butler in the face ]
BUTLER: OOH! [ angrily leaves ]
[ Cut to Moe in the basement finishing screwing the two pipes back together ]
MOE: Ah! Who said you need brains to be a plumber? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...
[ Suddenly, water from the drill holes in the bathroom floor splashes on Moe’s head ]
MOE: [ looking up ] Hey! [ moves away from the leak ] Shut it off! Plug it up!
[ More water splashes down on Moe ]
MOE: [ moves away from the leak ] Don’t you hear what I tell ya...?
[ Moe gets more water splashed down on him again ]
MOE: This ain’t a house; it’s a sieve!
[ Suddenly, Curly comes crashing down from the bathroom floor into the basement and breaks a pipe ]
MOE: [ helping Curly up ] Why, you lamebrain, you! [ looking up ] Look whatcha did to the pipe! [ twists Curly’s nose with a wrench ]
CURLY: OHHH!
MOE: Go on, get another piece of pipe!
CURLY: I resent that!
MOE: What are ya gonna do about it?!
CURLY: [ meekly ] Get another piece of pipe... [ turns around ] I just...
[ Moe hits Curly on back of the head with the wrench ]
CURLY: OH! [ turns back to Moe ] RUFF! [ turns back and walks forward and gets splashed by the leak above him ] YAAAA-DAAAAH! [ walks over to an electricity box ] Oh! [ pulls a pipe out from under the box ] Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! [ begins pulling the electrical wires out of the pipe ] Hmm! [ to Moe ] Hey, no wonder the water don’t woik! The pipe is plugged up with wires!
MOE: A fine place for wires! Well, drag ‘em outta there and get that pipe in here. [ begins attaching a smaller pipe to the broken pipe ]
[ Curly pulls more of the electrical wires out of the pipe for a while ]
CURLY: Ha, ha, ha! [ continues pulling ] Hmm!
[ Cut back to the chef in the kitchen, mixing batter. There is suddenly some clanking noise above him. He looks up at the light above him and notices the lightbulb moving up and down due to Curly’s wire pulling. ]
[ Cut back to Curly continuing to pull the wires out and getting tired ]
CURLY: HMMM!
[ Cut back to the kitchen, where the hands of a clock on top of the wall in front of the chef are going crazy. The chef does a double-take when he sees this. The clock falls off the wall and into the bowl of batter, splashing it all over the chef’s face. ]
[ Back in the basement, Curly is still pulling out the wires ]
CURLY: This has gotta end someplace! [ continues pulling more wire ] YEEEH-EEEH! [ angrily puts his hands on his hips, then continues pulling more wire ]
[ Briefly cut back to Larry digging outside the mansion, who is many feet underground now ]
[ Back in the basement, Curly, with a big roll of wire next to his feet that he is pulling out, finally gets the end of the last wire ]
CURLY: Ooh, the end of the line! Ha, ha, ha!
MOE: Hurry up with that pipe!!
CURLY: [ waving his arm at Moe ] Okay! [ drags the electrical pipe over to Moe ] Here we go!
MOE: [ pulling the pipe under the leaking water pipe ] Straighten ‘er up, now, so I can line ‘er up!
[ Curly holds the electrical pipe under the water pipe as Moe begins attaching them ]
MOE: Ah!
CURLY: Ha, ha, ha, ha!
[ Back in the kitchen, the chef turns on the lightbulb switch. Water flows inside of the bulb instead of the light turning on. It fills completely with water, then cracks and drips the water out of it. The bewildered chef looks up at the dripping lightbulb ]
CHEF: This house has sho’ gone crazy! [ grabs a match above the stove ]
[ Back in the basement, Moe continues screwing the water and electrical pipes together ]
MOE: Ah! If it wasn’t for me, where would we be?
[ Back in the kitchen, the chef lights the stove with a match and water sprays out of the stove instead of fire and sprays in the chef’s face. He tries turning the stove off, but no luck. He then heads for the closet but slips on the wet floor several times on his way. After getting in the closet, he closes the door, then opens the door and peers his out a second later dressed in a raincoat. He rushes over to the stove and tries to stop the water from coming out. After having no luck, he heads towards the outside of the kitchen and again slips on the floor on his way. ]
[ Cut back to the outside of the mansion. Larry pokes his head through from under the ground ]
LARRY: I’ll find this thing, or else! [ sticks his head back in the hole ]
[ Cut to a party going on inside the house. The lady of the house is standing in front of a television set, and the other guests are gathered around ]
LADY OF THE HOUSE: Now, friends, I know you’ll enjoy a demonstration of my new television receiver. You not only hear the broadcast, but you actually see it on this screen.
[ The guests watch on in excitement as the lady turns the set on ]
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: This is station WX2I making a television broadcast direct from Niagara Falls. Are you ready, Niagara Falls? Let her go!
[ A shot of Niagara Falls shows up on the set ]
LADY OF THE HOUSE: Oh, isn’t this thrilling?
[ Suddenly, actual water bursts forth from the television screen and knocks down a woman standing in front of the set. All the guests scream and back away from the set ]
LADY OF THE HOUSE: [ to the butler ] What is all this?! What’s happening?!
BUTLER: It’s the plumbers, madam! And they’re wrecking the house!
LADY OF THE HOUSE: Oh, I’ll put a stop to that! [ walks up to a phone ] I’ll call Mr. Casey. [ picks up the phone and speaks into the phone receiver ] Give me...
[ Water shoots out of the phone receiver and into the lady’s face ]
LADY OF THE HOUSE: OH! OH!
[ Cut back to Moe and Curly in the basement ]
MOE: Gimme the torch.
CURLY: Right!
[ Picks up the already-lit blowtorch and accidentally points it at Moe’s behind, burning Moe ]
MOE: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
[ Curly quickly puts down the torch ]
MOE: [ picking up a wet hat from the floor ] Why, you dummy, you!
CURLY: [ running towards the staircase ] Woo-woo! [ stops and looks back at Moe ] Nyaaa-aaaa-aaaah! [ runs up the stairs ]
[ Briefly cut to the lady of the house opening the basement door, with the butler standing behind her ]
MOE: You imbecile!
[ Moe throws the wet hat up the staircase towards Curly but it hits the lady instead ]
LADY OF THE HOUSE: OOH! [ closes the basement door ]
BUTLER: This is terrible!
LADY OF THE HOUSE: Get those hoodlums out of this house! I’ll take my guests to the garden.
BUTLER: Yes, ma’am.
[ Curly opens the basement door from inside, knocking the lady into the butler’s arms. ]
CURLY: Don’t mind me! I’m only the plumber! [ running away ] Woo-woo-woo-woo!
[ Cut to Curly entering the bathroom he was working in earlier, and quickly grabbing on the doorknob before he almost falls through the hole in the floor ]
CURLY: NYAAA-AAA-AAAAH! Hmm! That thing’s dangerous! [ notices a rug next to the hole ] Oh! [ moves the rug so that it covers the hole ] Hmm! [ gets up, grabs his toolbag, and leaves ]
[ Cut to the judge and prosecutor from earlier in the film entering the house ]
JUDGE: [ to the butler ] What’s going on here?!
BUTLER: It’s the plumbers, sir -- and they’ve completely wrecked the bathroom!
JUDGE: They have?!
[ The judge and prosecutor walk off-camera in anger ]
[ Cut to all the Stooges in the basement ]
LARRY: Nice job, boys!
MOE: You said it!
[ The judge and prosecutor enter the bathroom, and notice the water and pipes all over the place ]
MOE: [ to Curly ] Go up and collect for the job!
CURLY: What do we got comin’?!
JUDGE: [ to the prosecutor ] Just look at this place!! I... [ steps on the rug and falls through the hole ] WHOA!
[ The judge falls in the basement and breaks a big pipe in half ]
MOE: Who was that?! What’s the matter with you?!
[ The Stooges run over to the judge and pick him up from the floor ]
MOE: Why, you dummy! You ruined a whole day’s work!
CURLY: NYAAA-AAAA-AAAH! THE JUDGE!
STOOGES: [ running off-camera ] WHOAAAA!
JUDGE: Why you!! [ picks up a pipe and runs off-camera after the Stooges ]
[ Cut to outside the mansion, where the lady of the house and all the guests are, with the same magician from earlier in the film standing next to the lady, ready to perform ]
LADY OF THE HOUSE: My treat for the afternoon -- Prof. Bilbo, the great magician!
[ Cut to the butler standing in the staircase in front of the mansion ]
BUTLER: OFFICER!! OFFICER!!
[ The Stooges run past the butler, knocking him down ]
CURLY: WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!
[ The judge runs up to the butler ]
JUDGE: GET THOSE MEN, OFFICER!
[ Cut to several cops nearby blowing their whistle and running up to the mansion ]
[ The Stooges run up to the big hole in the ground that Larry made earlier and screech to a halt, bumping into each other ]
MOE: [ pointing off-camera ] Look!
[ Cut to Officer Kelly from earlier in the film nearby looking at the Stooges and instantly recognizing them. He blows his whistle ]
MOE: NYAAAH! [ looks at the big hole ] Quick, gophers, in the hole!
[ The Stooges jump down the hole as the judge, butler, and cops run up to them ]
JUDGE: C’mon, get those men!!
OFFICER KELLY: Oh, yes!
[ Cut to the magician in the middle of his act ]
MAGICIAN: ...crossing, I shall fire the magic shot... [ fires his gun in the air ] ...and, opening the door, what have we here? [ opens a cabinet door ] The little...
WOMAN INSIDE CABINET: AAAAHHH!
[ The woman inside the cabinet runs out, followed by the Stooges running out, followed by several cops running out after them, then more cops riding out the cabinet in motorcycles. All this goes on as the magician, lady of the house, and party guests look on in shock ]
[ THE END ]
FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We make such material available in an effort to advance awareness and understanding of the issues involved. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information please visit: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission directly from the copyright owner.
