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[ <- Transcripts List ] [ SO LONG MR. CHUMPS (1941) ]

Transcribed By: Moron4392
Date Added: 2008-07-10

The short starts with a camera close-up on a trash reciprocal that reads:  "Keep Our City Clean:"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON A CITY STREET:

(The street is totally covered with various articles of trash).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY, MOE, AND LARRY:

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are dressed in white uniforms and wearing white pith helmet style hats).

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are cleaning up the trash with large brooms.  Running in different directions pushing the trash into one pile to pick it up later.  Then their brooms colide into each other).

MOE to LARRY and CURLY:  (With a mad look on his face and madness in his voice says).  "What are you guys doing,? Playing a game?"

MOE to LARRY: "Spear that paper."

MOE to CURLY:  "Clean that trash."

CURLY to MOE:  (With glee in his voice as he is dancing says).  "Tote that barge, lift that bail, and swing it."

(Then Moe kicks Curly in the backside).

(Curly looking at Moe with a mad look on his face says).  "Ah-ah-hum-hum."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:

(Curly then removes from his back trousers pocket a hand sized broom and a dust pan.  Then he bends over saying, n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk, as he starts to sweep up some papers).

(Then Curly with the dust pan full of rubbish, takes four large steps and then turns around and empties his dust pan under a piece of sod next to the curb).

(After Curly has emptied his dust pan under the piece of sod, stands up with a look of achievement and happiness on his face.  Then he takes the hand sized broom and sweeps himself off, including his hat).

(The Curly takes six big steps back to his large broom and picks it up and starts sweeping again, with a happy look on his face and is singing, "La-lee, La-lee, La-lee, La", as he is also dancing).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY:

(Larry stabbed and picked up two pieces of paper.  He was going for his third piece of paper when the wind got a hold of it.  Larry went chasing after it with his spear and as Larry was spearing the piece of paper he accidentally stabbed Moe in the backside with his spear.  Moe then screams out in pain, "Oooh, oooh, oooh."

(Moe slowly turns around giving Larry a really mean and mad look).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE AND LARRY:

LARRY to MOE:  (With a look of wonder on his face and wonderment in his voice says).  That's a coincidence, how did you get under the paper?"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:

(Curly is singing happily, 'La-lee, La-lee, La-lee, yee-la.' and dancing happily as he is sweeping up some papers from the street).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON A GENTLEMEN:

(He is trying to crank start his automobile as his exhaust pipe let's out a blast of black carbon.  Blowing all of Curly's papers everywhere, as Curly dives onto the papers to try and keep them from being scatterd everywhere).

(Curly then grabs some of the papers, and is holding onto his hat to keep it from being blown away, turns around and looks back at the automobile).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:

(Curly then grabs hold of some papers and his broom, and runs over to the exhaust pipe and starts stuffing the papers into the exhaust pipe with the handle of his broom.  After he has completed stuffing the papers into the exhaust pipe, barks at it and then goes back to picking up some more papers).

QUICK CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE GENTLEMAN CRANK STARTING HIS AUTOMOBILE:

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:

(The gentleman has now successfully started his automobile.  Sending the papers Curly has stuffed into the exhaust pipe flying and hitting Curly right in the backside.  Curly falls flat onto the street on his face and is yelling 'ow-ow-ow-oooh-oooh-oooh,' in pain as he turns around one more time looking back at the exhaust pipe of the automobile).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE AND CURLY:

MOE to CURLY:  (With a mad look on his face as he grabs hold of Curly's arm and gives it a slight twist says).  "What's the matter with you?"

CURLY to MOE:  (With a look of determination on his face and questionable sounding voice says).  "A bumble bee bit me."

MOE to CURLY:  (With a mad look on his face and madness in his voice says).  "Bumble bee, nothing, take this broom and sweep up."

CURLY to MOE:  (With a serious and stern look on his face and a stern sounding voice as he grabs the broom from Moe and puts it on his shoulder says).  "Yes sir, we have met the enemy and they belong to us."

MOE to CURLY:  "Right!"

(As Curly is turning around to go and sweep up some paper, he hits Moe in the head with the head of the broom).

(Curly is marching away to return to work).

MOE to CURLY:  (After he has been hit in the head with the broom head and grabs it with a mad look on his face and hurt in his voice shouts).  "ow-ow-ow."

(After Curly has realized what he has done to Moe says with a scared sounding voice, 'unh, unh, uhn, eee, eee, eee').

(Then Curly takes the broom and starts sweeping again.  He would sweep up several pieces of paper, then take a shuffle, sweep up some more papers, then take another shuffle, then would sweep up some more papers and shuffle for the third time).

(As Curly is sweeping up papers and after his third shuffle, finds a sheet of fly paper and says).  "Oh, fly paper."

(Curly then goes to toss it away, and it is still stuck on his right hand, after he tries to toss it away three times he then looks at it with determination and says, 'oooh'.  Then he grabs it with his left hand and gives it a hard toss, but still finds it stuck to his hand, and looks at it and says, 'unh, unh, unh, n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk.  Then he finally gets rid of it).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE:

(Moe is standing there looking at Curly with his hands in fists on his waist and a mad look on his face).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:

(Curly finally frees the fly paper from his right hand and tosses it away.  Wipes his hands together and laughs with a happy look on his face).

(When Curly realizes that the fly paper has landed on Moe's face, has a look of scaredness on his face and a scared sounding voice shouts).  "Unh, unh, unh, unh!"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE:

(Moe is standing there with a thoroughly disgusted look on his face, his hands in fists on his waist and the fly paper stuck on his face).

CURLY to MOE:  (As he approaches Moe and is removing the fly paper from Moe's face says).  "Wait a minute, I'll get it off."

(As Curly is pulling the fly paper off of Moe's face, Moe is yelling 'ow, ow, ow, ow,' in pain and has a look on his face as if to say that he would  like to crush Curly).

(Curly now has the fly paper off of Moe and Moe is standing there thoroughly disgusted and a mad look on his kisser).

CURLY to MOE:  (As he has removed the fly paper from Moe's face and is standing there with it in his hand with some of Moe's hair stuck to it says happily).  "oh, look, a boids nest."

MOE to CURLY:  (Beyond mad at Curly and pointing to his chest says).  "Birds nest, that's my hair."

(Moe then in an act of madness takes a hold of Curly's nose and crushes it as Curly yells out in pain, 'eee, eee, eee, yow, yow, yow').

CURLY to MOE:  (Waving his hands and mad yells to Moe).  "Just because you are stuck up, you don't have to hit me."

MOE to CURLY:  (With a mad look on his face as he hits Curly in the nose, and Curly bends over and yells in pain).  "No, I don't."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY AND MOE:

(Curly as he is starting to stand up, finds an envelope and has a look of glee on his face and dances happily).

CURLY to MOE:  (As he picks up the envelope and finds some bonds in the envelope and Moe is looking at them in wonderment says).  "oh, look, I struck oil."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE:

(Moe, with Larry by Moe's left side.  Has a mad look on his face and says to Curly in a mad voice).  "Struck oil, you're scrap happy."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE ENVELOPE THAT MOE IS HOLDING:

(The envelope reads:  "B. O. Davis, 118-6th St., San Francisco, Cal.")

(Moe, still wearing remnants of the fly paper, grabs the envelope from Curly's hands and says).  "These oil bonds belong to a Mr. B. O. Davis, here is his name and address, and we're gonna return 'em."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY, CURLY, AND MOE:

CURLY to MOE:  (Both have mad looks on their faces.  Curly then goes to pull the oil bonds from Moe's hands and says).  "Oh, no you're not."

MOE to CURLY:  (As he kicks Curly in the stomach to make Curly release the bonds says).  "Yes, I am."

CURLY to MOE:  (As he goes falling backwards and lands flat on his back in the middle of an automated lawn sprinkler system that is activated, getting wet says).  "Oh no, gimme, 'em."

(Curly then sits up in the middle of the sprinklers, picks up his hat, and has a happy look on his face and laughs joyfully).

LARRY to MOE:  (Pointing his finger towards Curly shouts).  "Look!"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:

(Curly is now singing happily.  "La-lee, la-lee, la-lee, la-lee, la,' as he removes a soap cake from his back pants pocket and a huge scrubbing brush, covers the brush with some soap, and is sitting there taking a bath).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY AND MOE:

(Moe is running over to Curly with Larry following behind).

MOE to LARRY:  "Come, on!"

(Moe and Larry are running towards Curly while Curly is taking a towel out from his coat and is "drying" himself off).

(Moe and Larry both grab one of Curly's arms to pick him up).

MOE to CURLY:  (Shouting madly).  "Get up outta there you, what are ya doin'?"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:

CURLY to MOE:  (Pointing his finger at him and a look of determination on his face says).  "So it won't be a total loss, I'm taking a bat!"

LARRY to CURLY:  (With a questionable sounding voice says).  "A bat?"

CURLY to LARRY:  (As he is still sitting in the middle of the sprinkling system, and is "drying" off his face says).  "Soitnely."

LARRY to CURLY:  (Shouting back at him).  "A bat?, How do you spell that?"

MOE to LARRY:  (With a bit of mad disposition in reference to Curly).  "He never heard of it."

MOE to CURLY:  (Now thoroughly disgusted at Curly with Larry standing by Curly's side says).  "Gimme that towel."

CURLY to MOE:  (With a mad look on his face and madness in his voice says).  "NO!"

MOE to CURLY:  (In a state of total madness yells at Curly).  "Let me have that!"

(Curly is making a quick get away after he hits Moe square in the kisser with the towel).

(Moe and Larry are running after Curly trying to grab him with Moe yelling at Curly).  "Come here you, come here."

(Just a s Curly is about to be caught he quickly turns around and dives to the ground sliding on the wet grass with the sprinklers still activated).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MR. B. O. DAVIS AND THE STOOGES:

(Mr. Davis has a devious look on his face as he is counting the oil bonds.  Moe has a bit of a mad look on his face.  Larry just has a blank look on his face.  Curly has a really happy look on his face as he is standing there peeling himself a banana).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:

(Curly has now happily finished peeling the banana.  Has discarded the actual banana and is eating the peeling).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MR. B.O. DAVIS:

MR. DAVIS to THE STOOGES:

"Gentlemen, as a reward for your honesty, I am going to give you a position."

CURLY to MOE and LARRY:  (As he has a happy look on his face and glee in his voice and is rubbing his hands happily says).  "Oh, boy, a position."

(Curly is now looking at Mr. Davis with a perplexed look on his face, while Moe and Larry are also looking at Mr. Davis with dumbfounded looks on their faces).

CURLY to MR. B. O. DAVIS:  "Hey, wait a minute, do we have to woik?"

MR. DAVIS to MOE, LARRY, and CURLY:  (In general discussion says).  "Not exactly,  All I want you to do is find me and honest man, with executive ability.  If you find me an honest man, and he qualifies, I'll give you a bonus of 5,000 dollars."

(Mr. Davis is standing there looking down at his desk.  Curly is still eating his banana peeling.  Moe and Larry are looking at Mr. Davis very happily).

MOE to MR. DAVIS:  "Can we have some money on account?"

CURLY  to MR. DAVIS:  "Yeah, on the account we're broke!"

(Mr. Davis is reaching into his right trousers pocket and is getting out his billfold.  While Curly, Moe, and Larry are joyfully watching him).

MR. B. O. DAVIS to CURLY, MOE, and LARRY:  (As The Stooges are gleefully watching him and he is removing his billfold says).  "Why, certainly."

(Mr. Davis is counting out three, one hundred dollar bills.  Moe reaches over and takes the remaining stack of bills, (estimation, 4,000 dollars).  from Mr. Davis, as Curly and Larry are looking at him gleefully).   

MOE to MR. DAVIS:  (With a gleeful sounding voice and happiness on his face says).  "Thanks!"

MOE, LARRY, and CURLY to MR. B. O. DAVIS:  (Mr. Davis has a happy look on his face, as does The Stooges).

(Moe and Larry are raising their right hands and Curly is standing there happily).

CURLY, LARRY, and MOE:  (To Mr. Davis, chant in unison).  "We're on our way for an honest man, we'll bring him back as fast as we can."  "Excelsior!!!!!!"

(Then with Mr. Davis looking at Moe, Curly, and Larry, smiling and The Stooges are slightly bent over, running towards the door, opening it.  Curly on his way out grabs the fruit bowl and looks at Mr. Davis as he goes to leave walking out backwards, and hits the wall with his back).

CURLY to MR. DAVIS:  (As he goes forward a bit to regain his balance, hands Mr. Davis the empty banana peeling and says to him).  "Have this refilled."

(Curly then turns around, slightly hunched over,  still holding the fruit bowl runs out singing, 'I-eee, I-eee, I-eee').

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are wearing full length, heavy wool coats, with fur collars and top hats).

(Larry and Curly are watching Moe with looks of dumbfoundedness on their faces, as Moe is tying a wire to a billfold with 50.00 dollars in it as bait).

LARRY to MOE:  (In reference to the wired billfold).  "I still don't see how this will help us find an honest man."

MOE to LARRY:  "It's simple, sap, an honest man will return the wallet, a dishonest man will keep it!"

CURLY to MOE and LARRY:  (In general discussion).  "I hope so, we've tried everything else."

LARRY to CURLY and MOE:  (In general discussion, as they are standing in the doorway of a building with a "For Rent" sign in the window).  "I hope this wire holds."

MOE to CURLY and LARRY:  (In general discussion, as Moe tosses the billfold onto the sidewalk).  "It will!"

(The Stooges are now huddled in the doorway of the building that is for rent, with the rigged up billfold on the sidewalk).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON A "BLIND" MAN:

(A gentleman that is supposedly "blind", but isn't, bumps the billfold with his white cane.  Turns around looking over his shoulder, to see if anyone is watching him.  He then quickly removes his sun shades and he is bending down to take the $50.00 bait from the billfold).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY, LARRY, AND MOE:

(Moe and Larry, holding the wire on the billfold, are looking straight ahead, while Curly is looking at Moe).

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are exiting from the store doorway area).

MOE to THE "BLIND" MAN:  (Shouting at him in reference to the $50.00 that he has stolen).  "Hey!"

(The "blind" man finishes taking the $50.00 bait and is running down the street with it).

(Larry is bringing in the billfold).

CURLY to MOE and LARRY:  (As Curly is waving his hands says).  "He got our bait."

MOE to CURLY and LARRY:  (With a look of disappointment on his face and a disappointing sounding voice says).  "That faker!"

CURLY to MOE and LARRY:  (With a look of madness on his face and waving his hands in madness says).  "That faker, ain't no faker, he's a crook!"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY:

(Larry has a mischievous look on his face.  As he is holding a jar of gun powder).

LARRY to MOE and CURLY:  "The next crook that tries to steal this wishes he hadn't."

(Moe hands Larry the billfold and Larry sprinkles the billfold with gun powder).

CURLY to LARRY:  "Yeh, he'll get a hot foot in the pocket."  MOE:  "And, how!"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY AND MOE:

(Moe is standing there next to Larry with a devious look on his face and Curly is behind Moe with a cigar in his mouth).

(Curly goes to get a match from his pocket to light the cigar as Moe with a mad look on his face, hits Curly right in the kisser and crushes the cigar).

CURLY to MOE:  (With a look of dismay on his face says).  "Hum!"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY AND MOE:

MOE to CURLY:  (With a mad look on his face and a mad sounding voice, and he hits the cigar out of Curly's mouth shouts).  "No, smoking!"

(Moe and Curly then dance up and down, while Curly looks Moe straight in the eyes and says, 'EEEM').

(Moe turns his back on Curly once again.  Curly then reaches into his left coat pocket, and takes out another cigar that is a tad bigger than the first one.  Gets ready to smoke it.  Once again, Moe notices him and slaps Curly right in the puss).

MOE to CURLY:  (A tad madder than before, as he crushed Curly's cigar and shouts to him).  "I said, NO SMOKING!"

(Then Moe and Curly are looking at on another, bouncing faces at each other in madness).

(Moe for a third time, turns his back on Curly.  Curly then reaches into another coat pocket, and takes out this giant, huge cigar, and prepares to smoke it).

(Moe once more turns around and notices Curly's large cigar.  Takes it from Curly's mouth and removes Curly's hat and crushed the cigar on top of Curly's head).

(Curly now thoroughly disgusted at Moe for crushing his cigar says, 'oooh, oooh, hum.'  Then Curly shakes his fist at Moe, then waves his hand back and forth in front of Moe's face, and Moe follows it.  Then Curly moves his hand up and down in front of Moe's face with a very mad look on his face, and Moe once again, follows it.  Then Moe waves his hand in front of Curly, and Curly is following it, and Curly is getting near the ground.  Moe puts Curly's hat back on his head, and bonks Curly in the kisser with the remaining portion of the cigar).

MOE to CURLY:  (Thoroughly mad at him says).  "Remind me to have you stuffed."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY, CURLY AND MOE:

(They are still standing in the doorway of the building that is for rent.  Larry is finishing putting the gun powder into the wired billfold).

(Curly then barks at Moe, and sticks his tongue out at him.  As Moe gives Curly a mean look, Curly then takes his left hand and puts his tongue back into his mouth).

(Larry then hands Moe the wired billfold filled with the gun powder.  Moe then throws it back onto the sidewalk and says).  "Okay!"

(Moe, Larry, and Curly then back into the doorway of the rented building).

MOE to LARRY and CURLY:  (In general discussion as he takes the wire from Larry says).  "Now wait, until I get the battery, this will do the stunt.".

MOE to LARRY and CURLY:  (In general discussion.  I will tie the wire around these battery terminals and says).  "I'll press that wire up to there and blow them to kingdom come, look out now!"

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are now in the doorway of the rented building.  Curly has his fingers in his ears).

(As Moe, Larry, and Curly are hiding with the rigged up billfold laying on the sidewalk.  A dishonest gentleman approached the billfold, looking around to see if anyone is watching as he puts it into his right back trousers pocket and starts to leave).

(Curly, Larry, and Moe notice him putting the billfold in his pocket).

MOE to LARRY and CURLY:  "I'll fix that crook!"

(Then Moe sets the gun powder off from the battery and a loud explosion happens).

MOE to LARRY and CURLY:  (As the explosion clears and Moe is dragging in the billfold says).  "I guess, we got 'em!"

(Moe then drags in what he thought was the billfold, but it ends up being a piece of the gentlemans trousers).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE SECOND CROOK:

(Curly, Larry, and Moe are watching the crook as he is running down the street, on fire, wearing nothing but his under clothes and dodging cars to find a place to hide).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:

CURLY to LARRY and MOE:  (In general discussion and waving his right hand says).  "You're right, we haven't even come near an honest man!"

LARRY to MOE and CURLY:  (In general discussion, as he is looking at the billfold says).  "This wallet gag won't work."

(Larry then takes the billfold and throws it back onto the sidewalk with a disgusted look on his face and a disgusted sounding voice.  Moe and Curly are also standing there with disgusted looks on their faces).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON A CUTE, HALF AIREDALE POOCHIE:

(The cute, sweet, adorable, loveable, poochie picks up the billfold and returns it to Moe.  The poochie stands up and hands Moe the billfold).

MOE to the CUTE, LOVEABLE POOCHIE:  (As he pets the sweet little poochie on the head says).  "Nice, pooch!"

MOE to LARRY and CURLY:  (As he looks at the billfold says).  "The only honest man we have found all day, and it's a dog!"

CURLY to MOE and LARRY:  "Yeh, he wouldn't make a good business executive, or would he?"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE CUTE AND HUGABLE POOCHIE:

(The loveable, sweet, little poochie is looking at Moe, Larry, and Curly and is crying and waving his cute little tail as if to say).  "Please, follow me!"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY, CURLY, AND MOE:

QUICK CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE WONDERFUL POOCHIE:

(The poochie is still looking at The Stooges and waving his tail and crying, trying to get their attention fo follow him).

LARRY to MOE and CURLY:  (As he is waving his thumb at the poochie and says).  "He's calling us, he wants us to follow him."

CURLY to MOE and LARRY:  (With a look of wonderment on his face and a serious sounding voice says).  "Maybe he will lead us to an honest man, come on!"

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are running, following the adorable, little, poochie down the sidewalk and the street.  They knock over another pedestrian, flat on his back and knocking a bag of groceries out of his hands and onto the street).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON A LADY SITTING IN A CHAIR:

(She is trying to sell flowers. Violets for .75 cents each and Roses for .50 cents each.  She is crying.  Her wonderful poochie is standing beside her).

(Curly, Larry, and Moe run up to her with happy looks on their faces and glee in their voices).

CURLY, LARRY, and MOE to MR. POMEROY'S GIRLFRIEND:  (As they tip their hats to her and say in gleeful voices, solo,).  "How do you do?"

(Percy's girlfriend responds back, crying).  "Hello."

LARRY to PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND:  (As she is still crying).  "Is that your dog lady?"

PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND to LARRY:  (In a crying voice).  "Yes."

MOE to PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND:  (With happiness in his voice says).  "You should be proud of him, madame, he's the only honest man left in the world."

PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND to MOE, LARRY, and CURLY: (Still crying).  "Oh no, he isn't, my sweetheart is honest, very honest."

LARRY to PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND:  (With a look of happiness on his face and a joyful sounding voice, with Moe and Curly by his side says).  "Yeah, where is he?"

PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND to LARRY, CURLY, and MOE:  "In jail."

(Moe, and Larry jump back in total dismay and have looks of wonder on their faces.  Curly jumps back and waves his hands with a look of dismay on his face and 'unh, unh, unh').

CURLY to PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND:  (Who is still crying).  "If he is so honest, what is he doing in jail?"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON HIS GIRLFRIEND WITH THE ROSES SIGN BEHIND HER:

PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND to THE STOOGES:  (Still crying a tad).  "He was wrongfully accused of stealing, but he didn't do it, he's honest, honest, he's honest."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:

MOE to CURLY:  (Looking at him while Larry is looking at both of them).  "She might be right, maybe all the honest men are in jail."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND AND LARRY, CURLY, and MOE:

GIRLFRIEND TO LARRY, CURLY, and MOE:  (As she is standing up and holding a handkechief in her hands says).  "If you could only help him to escape, I'm sure I could prove he is innocent."

LARRY to GIRLFRIEND:  (With Moe and Curly by his side and a look of determination on his face and a determined sounding voice says).  "We'll do it, what's his name?"

PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND TO THE STOOGES:  (Still crying a tad).  "Pomeroy, Percy Pomeroy, Convict Number 41144.  Oh, you must help me, you must."

CAMERA ON LARRY, CURLY, and MOE:

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are crying hysterically themselves).

MOE to PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND:  (Crying hysterically, says to her).  "Don't worry madame, we'll get him out of jail, if we have to go into jail to do it."

GIRLFRIEND TO THE STOOGES:  "How can I ever thank you."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:

CURLY to PERCY'S GIRLFRIEND:  (He is now crying hysterically and saying to her).  "Don't try, honesty has it's own reward, we'll get our just desserts."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are now crying hysterically and hurtfully at what she said, and the magnificent, beautiful poochie is also crying).

(Curly is crying and wiping his nose on his coat sleeve.  Larry is using a handkerchief and blowing his nose making train whistle sounds.  Moe is also using a handkerchief).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON A POLICE OFFICER:

(The Police Officer is bending over next to a bench, with a bus stop sign, behind the bench.  First he is straightening up his stockings.  Then he puts his left foot up on the bench to tie his shoe string).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY, MOE, and CURLY:

(They are walking briskly down the sidewalk.  They stop when they recognized the Police Officer).

MOE to CURLY:  (With Larry by his right side, whispers).  "Here's where we'll go to jail."

CURLY to MOE:  (With a glee in his voice and is rubbing his hands joyfully says).  "Then we'll find our honest man, oh, boy!"

(Moe, Larry, and Curly with happy, mischievous looks on their faces).

(Moe then gives the Police Officer a brisk kick in the backside, sending the Police Officer landing hard on his face on the seat of the bench).

(As the Police Officer is landing on the bench on his face, a gentleman is standing next to him laughing hysterically at what has happened.  Curly, Larry, and Moe are standing in front of the Police Officer with their wrists extended to be hand cuffed).

(The Police Officer then gets up, not noticing The Stooges, just the laughing gentleman.  The Police Officer then grabs the man by the suit jacket collar).

POLICE OFFICER to the LAUGHING MAN:  (Mad as he is still holding on his jacket collar says).  "Oh, smart guy."

(The Police Officer then grabs the laughing man and drags him off to jail).

LAUGHING MAN to the POLICE OFFICER:  "Wait, wait just a minute officer."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY, LARRY, and MOE:

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are standing there still with their wrists extended and with dumbfounded looks on thier faces).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:

(They all have dumbfounded and mad looks on their faces because they did not get pinched like they wanted to).

MOE to LARRY and CURLY:  "How do you like that?"

CURLY to MOE and LARRY:  (Curly is looking at Moe, and pats his chest and saying in a determined voice to Moe).  "At least, I'll go to jail."

(Curly then takes a 9mm revolver from his pocket and shows it to Moe, and says to Moe and Larry).  "Come on."

(Curly then approaches a gentleman in the corner of a building who is smoking a cigarette and is walking down the sidewalk).

CURLY to the GENTLEMAN:  (As Curly points his gat at him and says).  "Stick, 'em up!"

(The gentleman then raises his arms and puts his back up against the wall).

CURLY to LARRY and MOE:  (Still watching the gentleman and pointing his gat at him says).  "Get a cop."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY AND MOE:

(Larry and Moe are running down the sidewalk to get a police officer).

(As they are running down the sidewalk, they run right into a police officer).

LARRY to POLICE OFFICER:  (Not realizing at the moment he just ran into one says).  "Pardon me, we're looking for a cop."

MOE to POLICE OFFICER:  (With a sound of excitement in  his voice and a happy look on his face as he points his finger says).  "Hey, you're a cop."

LARRY to the POLICE OFFICER:  (As Moe and Larry grab the officer by the arms and leads him to where Curly is at).  "It's a hold up."

(As the police officer, Moe and Larry approach the area where Curly has supposedly been holding up the other gentleman.  Now the other gentleman has a gat pointed on Curly instead).

(The police officer runs up to the gentleman who has the gat on Curly and grabs him.  While Larry and Moe run up to Curly's side).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:

(The gentleman has the gat pointing at all of them).

(Then Moe, Larry, and Curly all duck down to void being shot and yelling with scared looks on their faces).  "Enh, enh, enh."

(Curly, Moe, and Lary are standing there with looks of bewilderment on their faces).

(The police officer then struggles a bit with the other gentleman, but finally gets the gat from his and hands it to Curly).

POLICE OFFICER to GENTLEMAN:  "Oh, so it's Gyp."

POLICE OFFICER to LARRY, CURLY, and MOE:  (As he turns to look at them and says).  "Nice work boys, you've helped me capture Public Enemy Number One "Gyp The People."  "Come on."

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are standing there with mad looks on thier kissers).

LARRY to CURLY:  (As he hits Curly in the stomach and with a look of madness on his face and a mad sounding voice says).  "It's all your fault, mallethead, you gummed up the works."

MOE to CURLY:  (Thoroughly mad says).  "Yeh, you were suppose to hold him up."

CURLY to MOE:  (As he has a gat in both hands says).  "I did, but he stuck this gun in my ribs like that, (as Curly takes the gat and gently presses it into Moe's ribs) and he says stick 'em up, or I will let you have it.  Then he started to pull the trigger, and I just noticed, (then Curly says in scaredness as he pulls the trigger, 'unh, unh, ah, ah.'  Moe and Larry are also starring at the gat very scared). 

(Curly after he examines the gat a bit closer is no longer scared and neither is Moe and Larry).

CURLY to MOE and LARRY:  (After he pulls the trigger on the gat says).  "Oh, a lighter."

(Curly then looks at the other gat in his left hand and says).  "Maybe this is a lighter, too."

(Curly then goes to pull the trigger on the gat in his left hand and he accidentally shoots Moe's hat off of his head.  Then the cartridge ricoshas four times and then hits Curly right in the right thigh.  Curly yells out in pain, 'ow, ow, ow,' and has a painful look on his face as he is rubbing his thigh).

MOE to CURLY:  (With a mad look on his face and a mad sounding voice as he socks Curly in the stomach, then on the forehead and then gives him an eye poke says).  "Why you, imbecile."

(Curly then socks Moe backwards with his stomach).

LARRY to CURLY and MOE:  (With an excited look on his face and with excitement in his voice as he points his finger down the street says).  "Look, a police station."

(Moe then snaps his fingers at Curly in happiness).

MOE to CURLY and LARRY:  "That's the place to get pinched, come on."

(Curly, Larry, and Moe then run excitedly down the sidewalk to the police station).

CARMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES AND A POLICE OFFICER:

(Moe, Larry, and Curly opens the door of the police station, knocking down an officer as they run in, and Moe almost trips).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES AND TWO POLICE OFFICERS:

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are standing in front of the desk sergeant with two other officers standing behind them).

MOE to the DESK SERGEANT:  "Sergeant, we want to make a confession."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE DESK SERGEANT:

DESK SERGEANT to MOE, LARRY, and CURLY:  "Yeah, what did you do, kill Cock Robbins or start the San Francisco Earthquake?"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON ANOTHER OFFICER AND THE STOOGES:

CURLY to DESK SERGEANT:  (As he snaps his fingers three times says).  "Small stuff, sergeant, sergie.  We just held up the First National Bank and shot two guards."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE DESK SERGEANT:

(The sergeant has a look of laughter on his face and is laughing).

DESK SERGEANT to MOE, LARRY, and CURLY:  (Still laughing).  "Yeah, I bet you did."

(Then the telephone on the sergeants desk rings.  He is still laughing as he goes to answer it).

DESK SERGEANT to PERSON ON PHONE:  (Shouting in horror).  "Hello, yeah, what, First National Bank is being held up, two guards just got shot."

(While the sergeant was on the telephone, Moe, Larry, and Curly were standing in front of the desk with smiles on their faces).

SERGEANT to TWO OTHER OFFICERS:  (After he has completed taking the call says to the two other officers).  "Come on fellas, let's get going."

(Larry, Curly, and Moe are standing there with dazed and scared looks on their faces as Curly says in scaredness, 'un, un, un, un').

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE THREE OFFICERS:

(The sergeant and his two officers are running out of the station.  As they slam the door shut behind them, they shake loose an overhead light fixture).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE LOOSE FIXTURE:

(Moe is standing in front of Larry and Curly who have looks of dismay on their faces and Curly has his fingers twinded together).

MOE to CURLY and LARRY:  (Mad at them says).  "Station house is the place to get pinched, unh?"

(Then Moe in thorough madness gives both Larry and Curly a double face slap and an eye poke).

(Curly who is now mad at Moe, looks him straight in the eye, with his hands on his waist and madness in his eyes says).  "hun, hi-eee, i-eee, i-eee."

LARRY to CURLY and MOE:  (With a look of worry on his face and a worry sounding voice as he points his finger at a police officer who is scratching his head and standing under the dangling light fixture.  Not knowing that it is hanging precariously perched from the ceiling shouts).  "Look!"

(Curly, Larry, and Moe when they noticed the dangling light fixture runs over to the police officer and shoves the officer backwards to save the officer from being hit in the head with the light fixture).

(As Moe, Larry, Curly and the officer goes falling to the floor, Curly gets hit in the head with the light fixture).

CURLY:  (With a look of happiness on his face and a happy sounding voice says after he has brushed off pieces of the light fixture from his head).  "Ha-ha, mosquitoes."

(Then Moe, Larry, Curly and the police officer stand-up). 

LARRY to the OFFICER, CURLY, and MOE:  (In general discussion with a look of happiness on his and a happy tone of voice says).  "That was a narrow escape."

POLICE OFFICER to THE STOOGES:  (With a mad look on his face and madness in his voice as he grabs their coat collars said).  "Assaulting an officer, you'll get a year for this."

MOE to the OFFICER:  (Before Moe has realized what the officer just said says).  "Thanks."

MOE, LARRY, and CURLY:  (In response to the officer and mad said.)

 MOE and LARRY:  (With a look of madness on their faces and mad sounding voices). "A year, hey wait a minute."
 CURLY:  (With a look of scaredness on his face and madness in his voice said).  "I gotta get home for supper, don't do that!"
 STOOGES:  (In unison responded).  "Hey, we gotta be home for dinner."

(The officer is now dragging  Curly, Larry, and Moe by their coat collars to their jail cell).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:

(They are standing in front of a large rock pile with sledge hammers making little rocks out of the big ones.  Dressed in striped prison garb and supporting the following prison numbers).
 MOE:  +4
 CURLY:  H2O
 LARRY:  6-7/8

(After Moe, Larry, and Curly have smashed three rocks, a prison guard walks by and says).  "All right, you guys keep working."

(After the officer has walked by one more time and Moe has noticed that the coast is clear, he taps Curly on the shoulder).

MOE to CURLY and LARRY:  (In general discussion said).  "He's gone!"

(Then Curly, Larry, and Moe pick up their balls and chains and unhook the balls and run over to a place where they have hidden under a small straw pile a set of bowling pins.  Curly then takes his ball and goes to hit the pins).

MOE to CURLY:  (With a sound of happiness in his voice and a happy look on his face says).  "Oh, a strike!"

CURLY to MOE:  (In total happiness said).  "N'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk!"

(Two other prisoners are walking passed in opposite directions next to a wall).

(Then Larry rolls back Curly's ball to Moe as he set's up the pins and Moe then is starting to get ready to take his turn).

CURLY to MOE and LARRY:  (As Curly notices a guard approaching says).  "Cheese it, cheese it!"

(Then Moe and Curly rehook their balls to their chains, while Larry is quickly covering up the bowling pins and is rehooking his ball).

(Two other prisoners in the background are walking by Moe, Curly, and Larry as The Stooges resume their rock crushing duties).

GUARD to MOE, LARRY, and CURLY:  (As he is walking up to them says).  "Hey, you, 6-7/8, bring that horse and wagon in here.  You guys get ready to load those rocks into the wagon."

MOE to the GUARD:  (As the guard is leaving, Moe waves his hand at him and Curly barks at the guard says).  "Okay!"

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE AND CURLY:

MOE to CURLY:  (Moe has a concerned look on his face and Curly is wiping sweat off of his forehead with his shirt sleeve whispers).  "We gotta keep our eye open for 41144."

(Two other prisoners are walking by in the distance to complete some clean-up duties).

CURLY to MOE:  "Maybe it's the warden."

MOE to CURLY:  (In total madness).  "I'll warden you, get busy."

(Curly is saying 'hum, hum, hum,' as he is brushing a hornet from his face and is barking at it).

MOE to CURLY:  (With a mad look on his face and madness in his voice says).  "Hey Great Dane, what's the matter with you?"

CURLY to MOE:  (With a perplexed look on his face says).  "A hornet is horning in on me."

MOE to CURLY:  (As he notices the hornet on Curly's forehead says).  "Wait a minute, hold still I see him."

(Moe then picks up his sledge hammer and goes to kill the hornet on Curly, but misses the hornet and hits Curly hard on the forehead sending Curly to the ground in total pain).

CURLY to MOE:  (As they both have looks of happiness on their faces and Curly gives Moe a hand shake says).  "Thanks!"   MOE:  "You're welcome!"

(Moe then notices that the head on his sledge hammer was wacked out of shape.  Curly then takes hold of the head of the hammer and turns it a couple of times looking at it).

MOE to CURLY:  (With a mad look on his face and a mad sounding voice says as two other prisoners walk passed them).  "You with that ironhead of yours, now I'm liable to have to pay for another hammer."

QUICK CAMERA SHOT OF THE BROKEN HAMMER:

(Larry is now walking in the horse and wagon.  The horse is also dressed in striped prison garb and is supporting the number 13.  There are two other prisoners on the wagon).

(Moe and Curly are still working on the rock pile while Larry is walking in the horse.  One of the prisoners on the wagon says in a gentle tone of voice to the horse).  "Whoa, whoa, whoa."

GUARD to CURLY and MOE:  (As Larry is bringing the horse and wagon to a hault).  "Come on, come on, get 'em in there."

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE:

(Moe goes and picks up a rock and then throws it by the wagon to load it.  Then he picks up his ball and chain and goes to throw that also.  Which causes him to fall hard on his face.  Then Curly not noticing Moe, accidentally hits Moe hard on his head with his sledge hammer).

MOE to CURLY:  (As he stands up and regains his balance and is outrageously mad at Curly makes a fist out of his right hand and says to Curly).  "You see this?"  CURLY:  (With wonderment in his voice and on his face says).  "Yeah!"

(Moe then hits Curly on the head with his fist and hurts himself and yells in pain 'ow, ow, ow, ow, ow' as he is rubbing his sore hand).

LARRY to CURLY and MOE:  (As he is walking up to them and Moe is rubbing his sore hand and looking madly at Curly says). "Hey, hey, hey, hey, the guard."

GUARD to MOE, CURLY, and LARRY:  "All right, you three, come along with me, got some painting to do."

(Larry, Curly, and Moe pick up their balls and chains and toss them over their shoulders, Curly doesn't realize how close to Moe he is and hits Moe on the head with his ball knocking Moe to the ground on his backside).

(Larry then notices Moe and goes over to help him).  

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE GUARD, ANOTHER PRISONER AND THE STOOGES:

GUARD to the OTHER PRISONER:  (As the other prisoner is mixing up a couple of paint pails).  "You can go back to your work."

(The other prisoner then picks up his two paint pails and goes back to work).

(Moe, Larry, and Curly are approaching the guard and droping their balls individually making chime bells sounds with them).

GUARD to MOE, LARRY, and CURLY:  "You men take these buckets and paint cell block number six."

MOE to GUARD:  "Okay!"

(As Moe, Larry, and Curly bend over to pick-up the paint pails the telephone rings and the guard goes to answer it).

(As the guard is on the telephone, Curly notices the keys to the balls and chains hanging from the guards belt loop and shows them to Moe in happiness).

GUARD to the TELEPHONE:  "Hello, yes warden, yes of course go right ahead, (Curly asks the guard to use the keys), (guard to warden), you're welcome. (Curly says to the guard THANKS!).

(Moe, Larry, and Curly now have their balls and chains removed and have picked up their paint pails and are now approaching cell block number six).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:

MOE to LARRY and CURLY:  (In a quiet but determined sounding voice says).  "We gotta find 41144."

LARRY to MOE and CURLY:  (Whispering).  "Yeh, wonder where he hangs out!"

CURLY to LARRY:  (Laughing, n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk!).  "They generally hang out on the gallows."

(Moe then hits Curly in the stomach first, then bonks him on the forehead.  Curly then to Moe, waves his hand, turns his head sideways and says, 'hum, hum, hum.'  Moe then bonks Curly on the head sending Curly right into a wall where poor Curly cracks his coconut once again and yells out in pain).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:

(Curly then takes his painting brush and a pail of paint and starts to paint a stripe on the wall).

(As Curly is painting his wall, he comes upon a guard who is making himself a summer sausage sandwich for lunch.  The guard is looking in his lunch pail for some salt to put on it.  Curly then removes the sausage from the bread, eats it and replaces it on the guards bread with some paint).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE GUARD:

(The guard sitting in his chair not noticing what Curly just had done, puts some salt on one slice of bread of his "Paint Sandwich" and then tops it with the second slice of bread.  He then sits back, crosses his legs, and takes a bite of his "Paint Sandwich").

(The guard then has a look of horror on his face as he stands up and puts his napking up to his mouth, and runs into the nearest cell to get rid of the bite of sandwich).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY AND PERCY POMEROY:

(Curly is in cell block number six, looking at a fire extinguisher.  Mr. Pomeroy is in the cell across the hall laying on his bed reading a newspaper).

(Curly then removes the fire extinguisher from the wall and starts to paint it on the top.  Then Curly turns it upside down, not realizing that the hose is squirting).

(Moe then approaches Curly and gets squirted with the hose).

(Moe is now mad at Curly and kicks him in the backside.  CURLY then says to MOE:  "What's the idea?").

(Curly has now turned the fire extinguisher in the direction of Mr. Pomeroy, getting him wet.  Then Moe paints Curly's face).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP CURLY AND MOE:

(Curly is now mad at Moe and barks at him and sticks his tongue out at him.  Moe then paints Curly's tongue as Curly chokes from the paint taste).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE SQUIRTING FIRE EXTINGUISHER CURLY IS HOLDING:

(Mr. Pomeroy has now been thoroughly douced with the fire extinguisher.  Curly goes to take his left fist to hit Moe, where Moe paints it and then Curly hits Moe in the face with it).

MOE to CURLY:  (Really mad at him for hitting him in the kisser with his painted fist).  "Why you, I'll jam this right down........").

(Moe is then interupted by Mr. Pomeroy who walks into their cell and takes a hold of Moe and Curly and klunks their heads together, gives them a mean look and turns to return to his cell, brushing off some of the water).

CURLY to MOE:  (As he points his right thumb in the direction of Mr. Pomeroy's cell says).  "Hey, it's him, Pomeroy."

(Larry is now standing by Moe while Mr. Pomeroy returns to their cell).

MR. POMEROY to CURLY:  (With a mad look on his face and a mad sounding voice says).  How did you know my name?"

CURLY to MR. POMEROY:  "We know your goil?"

LARRY to MR. POMEROY:  (With a look of happiness on his face whispers to him).  "Hey, we came to get you out."

MOE to MR. POMEROY:  "We've got a job for ya."

MR. POMEROY to MOE:  (Moe has paint on his face and Mr. Pomeroy has a happy sounding voice).  "Yeh, that's great, when do we break out?"

(As Moe, Larry, and Mr. Pomeroy huddle together to hear Moe's plan, Curly is looking in the opposite direction).

MOE to LARRY and MR. POMEROY:  "Here is the idea, we paint out uniforms to look like guard uniforms."

(Moe, Larry, and Mr. Pomeroy get up and look to see if there are any guards around, while Curly turns back around to join the huddle).

(Then Moe, Larry and Mr. Pomeroy huddly again to make more plans, MOE:  "and another thing........".  Curly is once again looking in the other direction).

(Then once again Mr. Pomeroy, Larry, and Moe look around for guards, while Curly is still trying to join in on the plannings).

CURLY to LARRY, MOE and MR. POMEROY:  "Hey, wait a minute, let's all go together."

(Curly, okay, go!  Then the four of them go to huddle together and end up klunking heads together).

MOE to LARRY, CURLY and MR. POMEROY:  "Get those brushes and paint, come on, start working."

(Then the four of them start to paint each others uniforms.  Larry and Mr. Pomeroy are a team, while Moe and Curly are another team.  They are painting one another's prison garb to look like guard uniforms.  Moe is also painting Curly's face.)

(Curly is putting the finishing touches on Moe's uniform, while Larry is doing the same to Mr. Pomeroy's).

(Mr. Pomeroy is looking at Larry while Curly is looking at Moe).

MOE to CURLY:  (Whispering).  "Boy, they sure look like guard uniforms now."

CURLY to MOE:  (Whispering).  "You said it, they'll never know the difference, come on, we'll paint our way out).

(Moe, Larry, Curly and Mr. Pomeroy painted the front's of their uniforms but forgot to paint the backs of them).

(Moe, Larry, Mr. Pomeroy, and Curly all go up to the same wall and are painting their way out, not looking where they are going and all of them smack a guard with their painting brushes righ in the face).

GUARD to CURLY:  (Just after Curly has painted his face says).  "Hey!"

(Curly then backs-up to see what the guard wants).

CURLY to GUARD:  (With a look of determination on his face and mischief in his voice says).  "Pardon me, there's a white spot!"

(Then Curly gives the guard five big smacks on the face with his painting brush and barks at him).

(The guard then shakes his head. tries to wipe some paing off of his face with his hands and replies.  "BLAH").

(Curly then gives the guard three more smacks on his face with his painting brush for good measure).

(Moe, Larry, Curly and Mr. Pomeroy all run out of the side gate into the main court yard).

CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON A CAR WITH B. O. DAVIS COMING OUT:

THEN THE CAMERA CLOSES IN ON MR. POMEROY AND THE STOOGES:

MOE to LARRY:  "Hey, it's B. O. Davis."

CURLY to MOE:  "He's come to visit us."

(Larry then runs up to Mr. Davis and says).  "Hello, Mr. Davis."

CURLY to MR. DAVIS:  "We found your honest man!"

(Lone Wolf Louie AKA Mr. B. O. Davis is standing by the car hand cuffed to a police officer).

POLICE OFFICER to CURLY, MOE, LARRY, and MR. POMEROY:  "Davis?, hun?, this is "Lone Wolf Louie", the biggest bond swindler in America."

LONE WOLF LOUIE to MOE, LARRY, CURLY and MR. POMEROY:  (With a devious look on his face and mischief in his voice shouts).  "S-U-C-K-E-R-S!"

(Then Lone Wolf Louie roars out in laughter at what he has just done to the boys).

(Moe is now thoroughly perturbed at Lone Wolf Louie, hits him the stomach.  Then Curly who is also perturbed at him removes his hat and pours a pail of paint on him).

MOE to LONE WOLF LOUIE:  (Mad).  "Suckers, eh, meet ya at the rock pile."

(Then Moe, Larry, and Curly all run away to the rock pile, whil Mr. Pomeroy, Lone Wolf Louie and the two police officers remain behind).

SHORT ENDS:

(Curly is sitting down cutting up some string.  While Larry is putting (fake) rocks on Curly's head and Moe is smashing them with his sledge hammer).

MOE to LARRY:  "Give me another one!"

(Larry then puts another (fake) rock on Curly's head and Moe once again smashes it with his sledge hammer).

(Then Larry goes to put a third rock on Curly's head as he struggles a bit with it).

CURLY to LARRY:  "Hey, wait a minute, that's a real on, I'm no fool!"

(Camera fades out with Larry smiling and standing at Curly's left side holding the rock.  Moe is at Curly's right side smiling.  Curly is sitting down still on the rocks smiling).

CURLY:  (Then closes things out by saying).  "N'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk!"        





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