Lobby Cards: The Classic Comedies (The Michael Hawks Collection: Volume II)
This website is made possible, in part, by displaying a few online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker for this site.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker for this site.
Transcribed By: xraffle
Date Added: 2008-12-22
[The short opens with two police officers in a squad car listening to an announcement on the radio]
DISPATCHER: Attention all cars in District 15. Go to sixth and main streets. Armored car held up. Surround area and search for three men who made their getaway on foot. Use caution. They are heavily armed.
[The squad car siren blasts as the car takes off and the officers begin searching around for the robbers]
[The squad car stops in an alley in front of a garbage can and the officers get out of the car. One of the officers walks off-camera, while the other officer walks near the garbage can, searching for the robbers.]
[The lid on the garbage can moves suddenly and catches the officer's attention]
OFFICER JACKSON: Who's in that can?!
SHEMP: [in the garbage can] Just garbage!
[A slap sound is heard]
SHEMP: Ow!!
[The officer takes the lid off of the garbage can and pulls the Stooges heads out by their hair]
OFFICER JACKSON: Come on, get outta here!
STOOGES: Owwwww!! Ow Ow!! Ow ow ow ow!
MOE: Why you--!
[Moe bites one of the Stooges' feet in front of him]
SHEMP: Owww!! Ow!!
[Shemp bites one of the Stooges' feet in front of him]
LARRY: Ahhh ahhh!!
[The scene ends and a new scene begins with the officer dragging the Stooges into the police station, up to the captain]
OFFICER JACKSON: Here they are, captain.
CAPTAIN MULLINS: Ok.
MOE: [pointing off-camera] Hey, what's that on the stool?
[The camera cuts over to a pigeon sitting on a stool by the window]
SHEMP: [off-camera] Must be a stool pigeon.
CAPTAIN MULLINS: [to the Stooges] I know you pulled that car robbery. [to Larry] Hey, you, sit down on that chair! [points to a chair next to the Stooges]
LARRY: [to Moe] Nyaaaah! The hot seat! They can't fry me for nothin'!
MOE: Be brave, kid. It'll be over in a minute.
SHEMP: And we'll see that you get a nice send-off!
CAPTAIN MULLINS: Shut up!! [points to the machine next to the chair] That's a lie detector.
MOE: Oh, not that!
LARRY: Oh no, there's one th---
[Moe and Larry say this simultaneously]
[The Stooges try walking away, but the officer and captain grab them back. The captain sits Larry down on the chair]
CAPTAIN MULLINS: Sit here!
[The captain hands Larry a squeezable ball handle, which is connected to an ink pen on the lie detector. Another officer sits in front of the lie detector, waiting to operate it.]
CAPTAIN MULLINS: [to Larry] Here, hold that! If you tell the truth, that pen'll travel in a straight line, but if you tell a lie, we'll know it! [yelling] Have you ever been to jail before?!
[Larry gets startled]
LARRY: Why, of course not!
[The lie detector beeps and the pen travels in a crooked line]
LARRY: Nahh!
LIE DETECTOR OPERATOR: That's a lie!
CAPTAIN MULLINS: Just as I thought! Have you any visible means of support?!
LARRY: [stands up and gives the ball handle to the captain] Sure! I've got suspenders! [stretches out his suspenders]
MOE: So you have!
[Moe stretches Larry's suspenders towards him, then suddenly lets them go, causing them to slap Larry's chest]
LARRY: Ohh!!
CAPTAIN MULLINS: I mean, have you guys got a job?
MOE: Why, certainly, captain. We work at the---
SHEMP: Yeah, at the Elite Café on Main Street.
[Moe and Larry suddenly look worried]
CAPTAIN MULLINS: [to the officer] Check on that, Jackson.
OFFICER JACKSON: [salutes] Yes, sir. [leaves]
[Moe stomps on Shemp's foot]
SHEMP: Oh!! Oh oh oh oh!!
[Shemp sits down on the chair and holds his foot in pain]
CAPTAIN MULLINS: [handing Shemp the lie detector handle] Hold that! Now then, I got a couple of questions I wanna ask you!
SHEMP: Me?
MOE: Yes, and so have I! Did you or did you not take that quarter out of my shoe last night?
SHEMP: [raises his right hand] On my honor, Moe, I didn't do it!
[The lie detector beeps and the pen travels in a crooked line]
SHEMP: [stands up and hands the lie detector handle to the captain] Whoa!!
MOE: [grabs Shemp] Ohh, a chiseler, eh? [slaps Shemp]
CAPTAIN MULLINS: That's enough! Break it up! [to Shemp] Now then, what were you doing at eleven o'clock last night?
SHEMP: I don't know. What were you doing at eleven o'clock?
CAPTAIN MULLINS: [still holding the lie detector handle] Uh, I was at a lodge meeting.
[The lie detector beeps very loudly, startling the Stooges]
LARRY: Nyah!
[The lie detector pen travels wildly in a crooked line, then the machine suddenly stops moving]
LIE DETECTOR OPERATOR: That last question seems to have broken the machine, captain.
CAPTAIN MULLINS: What's that? [puts the lie detector handle down on the table]
SHEMP: We didn't do it, captain! You're wastin' our time!
[Shemp unintentionally slams his hand down on the lie detector handle on the table, causing ink from the detector pen to squirt all over the captain's face. The captain slowly turns his ink-covered face towards the Stooges with an angry expression.]
SHEMP: [gasps] Whoaa!!
[The Stooges dash out of the police station and the captain and lie detector operator begin running after them]
LIE DETECTOR OPERATOR: Come back here!
[The scene ends]
[A new scene opens up on a sign that reads: "Elite Café"]
MOE: Gee, it was swell of you to tell the cops we worked here, Miss Harmon.
[Cut to the inside the café. The stooges are talking to Gladys at the counter]
LARRY: Yeah, if it wasn't for you, we'd be sent up for life.
SHEMP: You sure got us out of a jam.
GLADYS: Oh, that's alright boys. I'm sort of in a jam myself.
MOE: Yeah, what's the trouble?
GLADYS: Oh, trying to make a go of this restaurant. I can't afford any help. [looks through a pile of checks] And most of customers sign their checks instead of paying.
MOE: [looks at the checks] You mean they signed all these?
GLADYS: Mm Hm.
MOE: Why, the dirty chiselers.
LARRY: Who are they?
MOE: [reads the checks] Larry Fine, Larry Fine, Lar---
[Moe slaps Larry in the head with the pile of checks]
MOE: Why, you nitwit!
SHEMP: [to Larry] You've got a lot of crust, you have.
MOE: I wonder whose this is. [reads the checks] Shemp Howard, Shemp Howard, Shem---
[Moe slaps Shemp]
MOE: What's the matter with you?
SHEMP: I'm coming right back!
MOE: Hey! This guy must have had a tapeworm!
LARRY: Yeah.
MOE: [reads the checks] Moe Howard, Moe Howard, Moe H---
[Larry and Shemp look shocked and they stare at Moe]
MOE: What are you guys looking at? [slaps Shemp and Larry] Get out of here!
MOE: [to Gladys] Miss Harmon, you got yourself three new helpers.
SHEMP: Yeah, and for free too.
GLADYS: Oh boys, I couldn't let you do anything like that.
MOE: Oh, forget it. [to Shemp & Larry] Spread out. [to Shemp] You go into the kitchen. [to Larry] You get behind that counter.
[Shemp and Larry walk away]
GLADYS: [to Moe] Oh really, you shouldn't.
MOE: That's alright, Miss Harmon. They're gonna go to work and like it. And if it's absolutely necessary, I'll go to work too. [does a double take]
GLADYS: We're out of almost everything.
MOE: Then, you run along to the market and stock up.
[Gladys leaves]
MOE: [to Gladys as she leaves] We're in business.
[Moe starts changing into his uniform]
MOE: Ah!!
[Dissolve to the counter of the café where we see a customer sitting down. Larry walks up to him]
LARRY: What'll it be, sir?
CUSTOMER: I'll take the short ribs.
LARRY: [looks behind him and says to the customer] I think we got some delicious chicken soup.
CUSTOMER: [shakes his head] Just short ribs.
LARRY: I know, but you haven't tried our chicken soup. I know because I had--- [The customer grabs Larry by his shirt and pulls him up] Oh!
CUSTOMER: [yells] Short ribs!!!!
LARRY: Short ribs.
[The customer lets Larry go]
LARRY: [yelling to Shemp who is in the kitchen] Chicken soup, comin' up!
SHEMP: [yelling to Larry] One chicken soup comin' up!
[Larry sticks out his tongue to the customer who is off-camera. Suddenly, a plate flies from off-camera and lands on Larry's head. The plate breaks on Larry's head.]
[In the kitchen, Shemp takes out a raw chicken from the cabinet, holds it over a bowl, and pours hot water inside of a hole in the chicken. The water drips through the hole and into the bowl.]
SHEMP: Nice fresh chicken soup.
[After Shemp finishes, he places the bowl on a sliding table]
SHEMP: Fresh cackle soup comin' up!
[Shemp slides the bowl of steaming hot soup down the table into the main cafe room, but it goes too far and slides off the table. Moe is bending over near the end of the table cleaning a chair, when suddenly, the steaming hot soup spills all over his back.]
MOE: Ohhhh!! Haaa!! Ohh ohh ohh oh oh oh oh!
[Cut to inside the kitchen]
LARRY: [yelling off-camera] Fry two, over easy.
SHEMP: [yelling to Larry] Fried two over, easy does it!
[Shemp walks up to the stove, squirts two puddles of grease into a pan, then picks up two eggs]
SHEMP: Wonder where the egg-cutters are. [sees scissors] Oh! Hahaha!
[Shemp takes the scissors and cuts both eggs in half, pours yolk into the pan, then drops the eggshells into a bowl behind the pan. Shemp removes the pan from the stove, then picks up a match]
SHEMP: Wasn't lit. Hahaha!
[Shemp lights the match, then drops the match into the stove. He backs up a little bit, folds his arms across his chest, and the stove explodes and jumps up. Shemp smiles, then returns back to the stove and places the pan on the stove again. He pours some salt into the pan. Moe has walked into the kitchen and is observing Shemp with his arms folded across his chest. Shemp flips the eggs up in the air two times and catches it with the pan. The third time he throws the eggs up in the air, they flip too far back and land over Moe's eyes.]
MOE: Oh!
[The yolks of the two eggs pop off, revealing Moe's eyes under it. Shemp looks over at Moe, then gets scared and thinks he's wearing a burglar mask over his eyes. Shemp holds his arms up in the air.]
SHEMP: A stick-up!
[Moe angrily pulls the eggs off of his face]
SHEMP: Moe!
MOE: Why you!
[Moe picks up a pot and throws it towards Shemp, but Shemp ducks]
SHEMP: Cut it out now, Moe!
[Shemp runs out the kitchen door, accidentally bumping it into Larry, who's painting a sign for the café]
SHEMP: No no, Moe!
[Moe exits the kitchen door, accidentally bumping it into Larry again]
LARRY: Oh! [holding up a rag] Why you--
MOE: Shut up!
[Moe grabs the rag from Larry, then throws it towards Shemp]
SHEMP: Don't! Oh, Moe!!
[Shemp ducks and the rag hits a man behind Shemp, covering his face. Shemp and Moe run up to the man.]
SHEMP: I'm sorry, sir!
[The man removes the rag from his face and we find out that it's Captain Mullins. Moe and Shemp are shocked.]
MOE: Why, Captain Mullins, how are ya? Hehe. A funny thing, I was just thinking about you!
CAPTAIN MULLINS: Yeah, and I'm thinking about you right now. [raises his voice] And it could be murder!!
MOE: Now don't get excited, cap!
SHEMP: Yeah, sit right down and have somethin' on the house.
MOE: Yeah yeah, have somethin' on the house! [gets behind the counter]
SHEMP: Right back here.
[Shemp sits the captain down]
SHEMP: Sit down. Out of the draft. Now, how about some nice vittles? Chicken soup? Cereal?
[Moe hands the captain a cup of coffee]
MOE: Here ya are, Captain. A nice cup of hot java. What's on your mind?
[The captain pulls out a picture from his pocket]
CAPTAIN MULLINS: Did you ever see that guy before?
MOE: [looks at the picture] Hey! That's one of the guys who was in on the car robbery!
[The camera shows a close-up of the picture, which has marked fingerprints to the side of it and the signature "Lefty Loomis" under it]
SHEMP: Yeah, I'd know him anywhere!
CAPTAIN MULLINS: I had a hunch it was a Lefty Loomis job. Thanks for the tip, boys.
MOE: Oh, anything to accommodate the police department. Say, cap, don't let your coffee get cold.
SHEMP: I'll getcha a piece of pie. [walks towards the kitchen]
[Larry finishes painting his sign. Then, he puts his cup of paint down and leaves with the sign. The captain reaches for the sugar shaker, then mistakenly pours it into the cup of paint instead of his cup of coffee.]
[Shemp returns with a slice of pie]
SHEMP: This is on the house.
CAPTAIN MULLINS: Thanks!
[The captain takes a sip of his "coffee", then spits it out immediately]
MOE: Oh, you like it, eh?
CAPTAIN MULLINS: That tastes like paint!
SHEMP: Paint?! What are you talkin' about?!
[Shemp picks up the cup of paint and takes a sip of it, then grimaces]
SHEMP: Pfft! It is paint! [reaches for the real cup of coffee] That's the coffee!
[Shemp takes a sip of the coffee]
SHEMP: Hic hic-hic!! Eeb eeb ebb!! [pauses, then points to the cup of paint] This is better!
[Shemp drinks from the cup of paint, as Moe looks at the captain with an embarrassed expression. The scene ends]
[A new scene begins in the kitchen. The camera shows a clock with the time- 12:00]
SHEMP: Oh boy! Twelve o'clock! [to Moe and Larry] See ya later, fellas!
[As Shemp walks by Moe, Moe stops him]
MOE: Wait a minute. Where do you think you're going?
SHEMP: Out to lunch.
MOE: A wise guy, huh? [slaps Shemp] Listen, if the customers can stand to eat your cooking, so can you. Sit down.
GLADYS: [off-camera] Boys!
[Gladys enters the kitchen with a letter in her hand]
GLADYS: Boys! Some wonderful news!
MOE: Yeah?! What is it?
GLADYS: A letter from the lawyer who's handling my father's estate. Someone wants to buy our old homestead in the country for a thousand dollars.
MOE: Did you say one thousand dollars?
GLADYS: Yes. Oh, I'm so excited. Now I can pay all my bills. I'd better call Mr. Scott right away. [leaves]
MOE: [to Larry and Shemp] Can't be much of a joint for a thousand bucks.
SHEMP: Oh, must be a rat trap.
LARRY: Yeah, that's what I think.
MOE: Hey, do you think maybe she's being gypped?
LARRY: Yeah, why don't we go out there and look the joint over before we let her sell it?
MOE: I think you got something there. Now, you're showing intelligence.
LARRY: [looks behind him] Am I? Is---
MOE: Go on!! [grabs Larry's hair and pushes him away]
[On the table in front of Moe is a box that reads: "Fresh Northern clams." Moe grabs a ladle and takes some soup from the pot. He sees the box of clams]
MOE: Oh boy! Fresh clams!
[Moe takes a clam and adds it to the ladle where he has the soup]
MOE: Boy! Clam chowder!
[Moe walks up to the table where Moe and Shemp are eating at. Moe pours the soup in a bowl and sits down]
MOE: Ah!
[Moe takes a cracker and puts it in the soup. While Moe looks away to grab a spoon, the clam eats the cracker. Moe looks at the soup and notices that the cracker is gone. He looks at Larry. Larry is chewing some food and he smiles at Moe]
MOE: Oh! A cracker swiper, eh? [slaps Larry's head] What's the matter with you?
MOE: I'll knock your teeth out. [takes another cracker and drops it in his soup]
[Moe looks at Larry to make sure he doesn't take the cracker. While he looks at Larry, the clam eats the cracker again. Moe grabs his spoon and looks at the soup. He notices that the cracker is gone again. He looks at Shemp. Shemp is chewing some food and he smiles at Moe
MOE: You too, huh? [slaps Shemp] What's the matter with you?
[Moe looks at Shemp as he adds another cracker in the soup. He grabs a spoon and looks at both Larry and Shemp to make sure they don't steal the cracker. As he looks at them, the clam eats the cracker again. When Moe gets ready to eat his soup, he notices that the cracker is gone.]
MOE: Hmm! Sleight of handers, eh? Spread out. [slaps both Moe and Shemp at the same time] Go on, get out of here.
[Larry and Shemp move and they each sit at the opposite end of the table, far away from Moe]
MOE: I'll murder ya!
[Moe adds another cracker in his soup. As he grabs his spoon and looks at Shemp, the clam eats the cracker again. Moe gets ready to eat his soup and he sees the cracker gone again.]
MOE: Hmm. [to Larry and Shemp] Hey! How far can youse guys reach?
[Larry and Shemp extend their hands and we see that they can't reach Moe]
MOE: Hmm.
[Moe adds a cracker in the soup and he sees the clam eat the cracker. Moe starts squealing and he rubs his hand on his face]
MOE: [barks at the soup] Ruff! Ruff! Hmm!
[Moe grabs a knife and adds a cracker in the soup. He sticks his finger in the soup and the clam bites it. Moe's hand is now caught in the soup]
MOE: Ah! He's got me!
SHEMP: What's the matter with you?
MOE: Oh oh! [frees hand] The clam just bit me.
LARRY: You're crazy! A clam can't bite.
MOE: [points to the soup] That one did, right there.
SHEMP: I can't see any clam. [sticks his finger in the soup] Oh! Oh! He's got me! He's got me! Oh oh oh!
[Shemp takes his hand out of the soup and he sees the clam caught on his finger]
SHEMP: He's got me! He's got me! Let go! [pushes his hand out and he frees himself from the clam]
[We now hear a crunching sound and we hear Moe in pain. The clam is not caught in Moe's nose]
MOE: Oh oh oh! Ow! Oh!
[Shemp grabs a rolling pin]
SHEMP: Hold steady! I'll get it! [swings the rolling pin at Moe's face but he misses]
MOE: Hey!
LARRY: [grabs Moe] Hold still, will you?
SHEMP: That's it. [hits Moe's face with the rolling pin and the clam gets knocked off]
MOE: Oh!
SHEMP: Is it all right? Oh, you're all right.
MOE: Yeah, yeah. [hits Larry and Shemp in the stomach and in the head]
MOE: I'm all right.
[The scene ends]
[A new scene begins with an exterior shot of a deserted house.]
[Dissolve to the inside of the house. Lefty Loomis and Red Watkins are reading the front page of a newspaper with the Stooges' picture on it. The headline says "ARMORED CAR ROBBERS IDENTIFIED" with a subtitle "CAFE WORKERS NAME LOOMIS GANG".]
RED WATKINS: We make a clean getaway, and these mugs put the finger on us! What are we gonna do, Lefty?
LEFTY LOOMIS: What do we usually do with guys that know too much?
RED WATKINS: Yeah, but how are we gonna find them?
LEFTY LOOMIS: You expect them to walk right into our hands, do you?
[The stooges and Gladys walk up to the outside of the deserted house]
MOE: Well, here we are.
SHEMP: Don't look like much.
MOE: No. [to Gladys] You got a key?
GLADYS: [takes out the key from her purse and hands it to Moe] Yes, here it is.
MOE: Ok. [tries to open the door with the key, but it doesn't open] It won't open. It must be bolted from the inside.
GLADYS: Oh, that can't be.
MOE: Well it is. [to Shemp and Larry] Spread out, you guys. Find something to pry this door open with.
[Red Watkins removes a painting from a wall and reveals a hole behind it. He looks out the hole, and sees the Stooges outside the front door.]
RED WATKINS: It's them!
LEFTY LOOMIS: Let 'em have it.
[Red Watkins sticks the barrel of a rifle through the hole, pointing it right next to Shemp's face]
SHEMP: [to Moe] I don't see nothin'!
[Shemp turns his head and suddenly sees the rifle pointed at him]
SHEMP: Oh! A hunk of pipe!
[Shemp looks through the barrel of the rifle with one eye, then he blows through it]
SHEMP: This oughta do it.
[Shemp grabs the barrel of the rifle and tries to pull it toward him, but Red Watkins tries to pull the rifle back into the hole. Shemp and Red Watkins tug back and forth with the rifle for a while, until Shemp stops and spits on his hand to get a better grip. When he reaches for the rifle barrel again, he grabs nothing. Then he looks back through the hole in the wall and realizes the rifle barrel is suddenly gone.]
SHEMP: Hey, Moe! Hey, Moe!
MOE: What do ya want?
SHEMP: Moe!
[Moe walks up to Shemp]
MOE: What is it?
SHEMP: I had a piece of pipe in my hand, disappeared right out of my hands!
[As Moe and Shemp talk, Lefty opens the door behind Gladys, grabs Gladys by the mouth, and drags her into the house]
MOE: Maybe it's still in your hands.
SHEMP: No! [extends his hands]
[Moe slaps Shemp's hands into his face]
MOE: Get away! You had a hallucination!
SHEMP: No, I had a hunk of pipe!
MOE: Oh---
[Moe does a double take and then pats Shemp's head]
MOE: Hahaha! You're alright. [pulls Shemp's hair] Come on outta here! You nitwit!
SHEMP: Oh, Moe.
MOE: [looking around] Hey, Shemp!
SHEMP: What's the matter?
MOE: I wonder where Gladys went.
SHEMP: Where could she go?
MOE: I don't know. [yells] Gladys?
SHEMP: [yells] Gladys?
[Larry opens the door behind Moe and Shemp from the inside and has a crowbar in his hand]
LARRY: Hey, fellas!
[Moe and Shemp get startled]
LARRY: [showing the crowbar] You think this'll open it?
MOE: Swell! [takes the crowbar] Where'd you get it?
LARRY: In the house!
MOE: Oh--- [does a double take] In the house?
LARRY: Yeah, can you use it?
MOE: And how! [bangs the crowbar on Larry's head]
LARRY: Oh!!
MOE: [pushing Larry] Come on, get going!
[The stooges enter the house]
[Cut to Red and Lefty]
RED WATKINS: They're all in, Lefty. Should I bump them off?
LEFTY LOOMIS: I think that's a job for Angel.
[Lefty and Red walk over to Angel, a horrifying-looking goon who's sharpening his hatchet by cutting through wood]
LEFTY LOOMIS: Angel?
ANGEL: Hmm?
LEFTY LOOMIS: Strangers in the house.
ANGEL: [looking down at his hatchet] Uh?
[Lefty nods his head]
ANGEL: [getting up] Hmm!
[Angel leaves, and Lefty taps Red on the shoulder]
LEFTY LOOMIS: He'll do a nice, quiet job.
[Red Watkins holds his own neck with a fearful expression]
[Angel enters a room in which Gladys is tied to a chair and has a handkerchief wrapped over her mouth. Angel sneaks up behind her.]
ANGEL: Mmm.
[Gladys slowly turns around and sees Angel, then gets scared. Angel raises his hatchet in the air towards Gladys.]
GLADYS: [squirming] Mmm!!
LARRY: [off-camera] Gladys!
MOE: [off-camera] Oh, Gladys!!
[Angel walks away from Gladys and heads towards the stooges]
[The stooges are walking down a hallway]
SHEMP: We should've stayed outside.
MOE: [waves hand] Aw!
[Shemp looks to his side and sees a figure hidden under a sheet]
SHEMP: [grabs Moe] Oh!!
MOE: What's the matter with you? You're gettin' on my nerves!
SHEMP: [points to the figure] What's that?
MOE: That's a statue!
[Shemp feels the top of the figure]
SHEMP: Oh, it must be Washington. He slept everywhere!
[Moe and Larry wave their hand at Shemp]
LARRY: [yells] Gladys!
MOE: Where can she be?
[While the stooges are looking for Gladys, the figure under the sheet walks away]
SHEMP: [yells] Oh, Gladys!
MOE: [yells] Gladys!!
LARRY: [yells] Gladys!
MOE: I can't under--
[Shemp looks behind him and gets scared when he sees that the figure under the sheet is gone]
SHEMP: [grabs Moe] Moe!!!
MOE: What's the matter with you?!!
SHEMP: Washington's gone!
MOE: So are you! [pushes Shemp] Go ahead!
SHEMP: This joint gives me the creeps!
MOE: Well, start creepin'! We gotta find Gladys.
[As the stooges begin walking down the hallway, Angel enters through a door behind the Stooges and he follows them]
SHEMP: This looks like a good place for a murder.
MOE: Quiet!
[Moe and Larry walk down a different part of the hallway, away from Shemp and Angel]
SHEMP: I'm glad you guys are behind me!
[Shemp walks up to a door, then bends down to look through the keyhole. Angel walks closer behind Shemp and bumps into him.]
SHEMP: Hey, quit shovin' me, will ya?
[Shemp looks through the keyhole again]
ANGEL: Hmm.
SHEMP: What are you grunting about. I'm doing the looking.
[Shemp looks through the keyhole again, then he stands back up and looks at Angel]
SHEMP: I can't see a thing. It's so dark in there, I---
[Shemp does a double take when he realizes who he's talking to]
SHEMP: Heeb eeb eeb eeb eeb eeb eeb!
[Angel raises his hatchet and swings it towards Shemp]
SHEMP: Whoa!!
[Shemp quickly opens the door and ducks inside, causing Angel's hatchet to miss Shemp and hit the wall instead. Shemp slams the door shut. Angel tries to open the door, but it's locked.]
ANGEL: Mmm.
[Inside the room, Shemp pulls a wooden cabinet over to the door]
[Moe and Larry look around the hallway, not noticing Angel behind them. They hear noises outside of a room where Shemp is in.]
MOE: Shemp, is that you in there?
SHEMP: No, I ain't in here!! Hey, Moe, is that you?
MOE: Why, certainly!
LARRY: Who are you expecting, Santa Claus? Ha!
MOE: [sarcastically] Hehe. [slaps Larry] Get out!
[Moe looks behind him and notices Angel]
MOE: Pardon me!
[Moe and Larry do a double take]
MOE AND LARRY: Nyah!!
[Moe and Larry run away right as Angel swings his hatchet at them and misses. Moe and Larry run inside a room and slam the door. Angel tries to get in, but it's locked.]
ANGEL: Mmm. [walks over to the door of the room Shemp is in. He shakes the doorknob]
[Cut to the inside of the room Shemp is in, he's pushing the cabinet away from the door to let Moe and Larry inside]
SHEMP: Don't get excited, I'll let ya in a minute!
[Shemp opens the door and Angel walks in. Shemp closes the door.]
SHEMP: Boy, am I glad you came!
[Shemp pulls the cabinet over the door again]
SHEMP: [turns to Angel] Did you see that big guy outside in the--
[Shemp does a double take when he sees Angel]
SHEMP: Heeb eeb eeb eeb eeb eeb eeb!! Ohh!!!
[Angel swings his hatchet towards Shemp, but Shemp ducks out of the way and runs over to a marble head on a table. Angel runs after Shemp.]
SHEMP: Oh!! Oh!! Honest, mister, I didn't-- I didn't mean nothin'!
[Angel swings his hatchet towards Shemp and Shemp ducks]
SHEMP: Oh!!
[Angel chops off the marble head on the table by accident. The head lands by Shemp and Shemp sees it.]
SHEMP: [gasps] My head!! He got me! Moe!! [feeling his face] Ohh! Ohh! [does a double take] He didn't!
[Shemp stands back up and faces Angel again]
SHEMP: No! Whoa!! Whoa!
[Shemp runs out of the room. Moe and Larry walk outside a room and see that there is nobody around. They walk out in the hall quietly. Shemp runs out into the hallway. He and Moe & Larry see each other and get scared.]
STOOGES: Nyah!!
[Moe and Larry run into the room that Angel is in, and they slam the door shut and turn the lock]
MOE: Whew!
LARRY: Hey! That guy out in the hall looked like Shemp.
MOE: By golly, you're right! It was Shemp! I'll get him!
[As Moe tries to open the door, Angel grabs Moe and Larry by the shoulders]
MOE: [to Larry] Let go my shoulder, I wanna get Shemp!
[Larry shows both of his hands to Moe and starts mumbling in fear. Moe and Larry look behind them and realize Angel is holding them.]
MOE AND LARRY: Nyah!!
[Moe and Larry dash away, causing Angel to rip off their jackets. Angel throws their jackets down and chases after them.]
[Moe and Larry run through a room. They run outside the hallway into another room.
MOE AND LARRY: Shemp! Shemp! Shemp!
[Angel runs into the same room and stops in the doorway. The camera pans up and reveals Shemp standing on top of the door ledge, holding a barrel in his hands. He drops the barrel and it crashes over Angel.]
ANGEL: Oh!!
[Out in the hallway, Lefty Loomis and Red Watkins run into Moe and Larry.]
MOE AND LARRY: Nyahh!!
[Moe and Larry run away and Lefty and Red fire their guns toward them]
MOE: Oh!!
[Moe and Larry run through the same room as before]
MOE AND LARRY: Whoa!!
[Lefty runs through the room after Moe and Larry. As Red Watkins walks into the room, Shemp, on top of the door ledge, drops a barrel over him.]
[Lefty chases Moe and Larry through the room one last time while firing his gun]
MOE: Whoa! Whoa!
[As Lefty walks into the room, Shemp drops a barrel on top of him]
[Cut to Gladys who is untied. She sees that Angel, Lefty and Red trapped in their barrels]
[Cut to the hallway. Moe and Larry run into each other and fall]
MOE: Ow!
[Angel, Lefty and Red still have the barrels over their head. They walk outside and we hear a crashing sound. Gladys has a big smile on her face when she hears the crash. Three policeman walk up to the three crooks and pick them up so they can arrest them]
[Moe and Larry run into the room where Shemp is standing on top of the door ledge. Shemp drops a barrel over them. Moe and Larry remove the barrel and they're both covered in flour. They look up and see Shemp. Shemp does a double take when he realizes it was Moe and Larry]
MOE: [slaps Larry] What are you doing around here?!
LARRY: [points up] That's him up there.
MOE: [grabs Larry by the hair as he gets ready to stand up] Shut up!
LARRY: Ahhhh!
--THE END--
FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We make such material available in an effort to advance awareness and understanding of the issues involved. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information please visit: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission directly from the copyright owner.
